Well...let's go to Monday, June 29th...31 weeks, 3 days
My husband got a job in Maryland, so he left Sunday night to go to his sister's house in Virginia. We stayed with her during all the IVF stuff.
This job would only be 4 days a week and he would be home on the weekends. Because he works in power plants, this is extremely typical of their work cycle: on for a while, then off for a while, etc.
Nothing exciting about that: we can use all the extra money we can get. It has been raining nonstop and I have been spending a lot of time lounging around. Since I teach, I have the time to lounge during the summer.
Anywho, I have been staying up late watching Netflix and going to bed around midnight or a little later. I sleep well and get up around 10:30 a.m.
Yes, I sleep a lot, but I've ALWAYS been like that.
Today was no different than usual: I got up, peed, and put on a liner. I have had discharge this entire pregnancy and with the liner, I won't ruin my underwear.
I take the dog out to pee and poop. I eat my breakfast at 10:45 and then I began my lounge time with House of Cards on Netflix and Etsy on my iPad.
As I'm laying down on the couch, around 12:00, I feel a gush. A huge gush.
I run to the toilet only to find my underwear, liner, and capris are SOAKED with BLOOD. I sit down and more blood comes out. I wipe and I see more BLOOD. I feel one more gush, I pull up my pants and my mind starts to freak the FUCK out.
I RUN to get my sports bra on, grab my cell and purse, and RUN down the basement steps calling my husband.
I start crying and screaming to him as I unlock my car and peel out of the driveway towards the emergency room. I don't even care if the garage door didn't go down.
"I'm bleeding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm bleeding!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!!" I scream at him.
"Get to the ER!!!!"
Luckily, we live only 1 minute away from the ER...2 stoplights are in my way. I fucking pull out in front of a car and put the pedal to the metal.
I try to call my mom and my hands are shaking...and she's on lunch break, but not picking up. I try to call again no answer. I call my husband and tell him to call my Mom.
My mind is racing like a motherfucker and I'm crying and screaming. I semi try to calm down thinking this shit can't be good for Val, but I'm unable to do so.
I pull into the ER parking lot and grab the first spot I see: MRI imaging parking only.
I throw it into park, grab my shit and literally sprint inside. I don't even know if I locked the fucking doors.
I run into the old ER entrance by accident and forget they built the new ER entrance further down, so I changed my direction and started sprinting a different way.
People in the waiting room look at me as I'm huffing, puffing, and crying and I run to the first person I see in scrubs who's talking to patients and I just bark at her:
"Please help me!!!!! I'm 31 weeks pregnant and bleeding a lot!!! Help me please!!!"
The woman asks me my name and they get me a wheelchair and I sit there for what I feel was eternity, but was only like 20 seconds.
My sister calls and I scream at her "I'm bleeding a lot!!!!!" She's in Arizona and I tell her I have to go. She is clearly upset.
They wheel me onto the elevator and I'm crying now but more calmed down.
"I can't believe this is happening! I can't believe it!!!"
I get to Labor and Delivery and the nurses all rush into my room. I'm told to take off all my clothes. They tell me to keep my underwear and capris out so the doctor can see them.
My OB just happened to be on the floor delivering another baby. I'm extremely lucky for that.
She runs in: "Okay, Julie. Let's see what he's doing."
I get hooked up to the fetal heart doppler and contraction belts. I close my eyes. My legs are spread apart and I have literally 5 nurses around me with my doctor at the bottom.
"I'm gonna give you an IV now. We're gonna start giving you fluids."
She rubs my left wrist and boom the capula goes in.
I hear his hearbeat and a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.
"He sounds great!"
"Thank you girls! Thank you!"
"I'm giving you a steroid shot to develop his lungs. You will be getting another one tomorrow. It's called
Celestone."
She rubs my outer hip area and boom that goes in.
"Thank you! Thank you!" I keep saying. They wheel in the ultrasound machine. I keep closing my eyes.
"He looks good. He's still head down. I need to check your cervix. Open your legs up more."
"Okay thank you!!"
I feel another weight lifted. I open my legs much wider.
"Scooch down and put your fists behind your lower back to create an angle. Aren't they any shorter speculums?"
I feel a TON of pressure inside my vagina. It's painful but bearable. I keep closing my eyes. I cannot believe this is happening. I hear my mom outside of the room.
The nurses are rubbing my arms consoling me. I recognize almost all of them since I've been doing the twice a week non-stress tests.
My OB puts her fingers inside with the speculum. It seems like it's taking forever, but I look at the clock and it's only 12:20.
"Your cervix is closed which is great. And you're not in any pain? You say you just started bleeding out of nowhere? You were just laying on the couch? You're having contractions, Julie. "
"Having contractions? Yeah I was Netflixing and iPadding it up. I just feel some pressure in the front of my uterus. Is that the contractions?"
"Yes, those are contractions. We were ready to wheel you out for a C-section. You are going to have to go somewhere else now. This baby is coming out tonight or tomorrow. Your contractions are 1 minute to a minute and a half apart."
"What??"
"Your insurance can take you to either St. E's or West Penn. They both have a NICU and trauma unit. I recommend you go to West Penn in Pittsburgh."
"How am I gonna get there?"
"We called the ambulance and they're down stairs. You're gonna leave in like 30 minutes at the most."
"Okay. I have to pee. Should I even push? I'm scared to push."
"We're gonna put in a catheter."
I try to process all this. It's 12:30. The nurses come in again and put in my catheter. The betadine swab feels cold and then the pressure of the catheter going in is uncomfortable and painful.
"What does the blood mean then?"
"We think either your placenta abrupted or your water broke, but that's not as likely since we would see fluid and not all that blood. That is a lot of blood. That is NOT good Julie."
Jesus! Let me let this sink in.
My mom comes in and clearly her eyes are red from crying. She was on her lunch break and immediately she is apologetic about not hearing my call.
"It's okay Mom."
My mom is diabetic and said she missed the lunch, so she bought a pack of crackers to eat so she doesn't get shaky. I see she is trying to swallow this situation as best she can. She lets me know that my Dad is coming soon too.
"I'm going to Pittsburgh in 30 minutes."
"What?"
"Yeah, she said I'm gonna have him today or tomorrow. Probably get a C-section down there."
"Oh my God!"
I laugh due to me saying this because it never crossed my mind! We always joked that any baby I had would be a big one because of my size, plus my husband's, and my entire family is big.
"He's gonna be like 4 lbs...a preemie. We don't have any clothes that size!"
"Well that just means we get to buy more."
I start to cry again as for some reason, I have to tell my mom what happened at 12:00 again. Why is my mind going to that traumatic time 30 minutes ago? Why am I going back to that? I feel a million times better now.
The nurses take out the catheter. They open the door and I see my girlfriend whose pregnant with twins now and her mom walk down the hall. I call out to her.
She does a double take..."What are you doing here?"
"I started bleeding and they're taking me to Pittsburgh! The baby is coming tonight or tomorrow!"
"Oh my God Julie!"
Her Mom rushes in and immediately is offering help: she wants to bring us food, drinks, anything to make this situation easier. My mom is trying to figure out what to do with the cars here, so we give my friend's mom my car keys and tell her where I live.
She comes back into the room with coffee, tea, and water. She offers to take my bloody clothes and sandals home to wash for me. I don't need them.
All I have with me is my cell, sports bra, and headband.
The nurses come in and say the guys are here with the stretcher. I tell her I have to pee again and they decide to give me a poly catheter for the ride. It will take over an hour to get there.
My mom steps out of the room and they put it in. I stings because I had the other one in earlier. Wish they would've just let that one it but oh well.
I hear my Dad in the hallway. He comes in and kisses me. My parents are gonna meet me down there. I give my Dad my purse because he demands I don't have it.
"What about my insurance cards and ID?"
"You won't need your insurance cards because we faxed them all that."
I've never been on a stretcher or in an ambulance so it feels weird. As they wheel me down the hallway, my OB gets on the elevator and gives me her cell phone number.
"Text me! I want to know everything they do!"
"Thank you! Thank you!"
There's 2 ambulance guys with me and the one is saying how he's delivered 5 babies in the ambulance before. My eyes widen.
"Yeah, I hope I'm not gonna be one of them." Jesus, did I not realize that could happen? Christ!
"You got your phone on you? You gotta take pictures. Your baby is coming soon. You should take a selfie now!" the EMT says.
I give him this wide eye "what the fuck" look. My OB starts to put her head down because she knows I'm SOOOOO not the type.
"Yeah, I'm not that kind of person. There's no guarantees that this is gonna work out and the last thing I need is a photo reminder."
My OB gives me a hug as they put me onto the back of the ambulance. My body is jolting and jarring.
"Are you gonna put a fetal heart monitor on him?"
"No, the ride is too bumpy. I'll be monitoring you and that is a good enough indicator of how he's doing."
Christ, that doesn't make me feel good.
We begin our trip. I look at the clock on my cell: 2:03 pm. Okay so be there around 3:00. I assume he'll put on the lights, but he doesn't. My view is the back of the ambulance looking at the cars and trucks driving towards me.
"Your heart rate is fine, but your pulse-Ox is low at 92. I want it to be 97. You need to calm down."
"My what?" I didn't realize it but I must be freaking out.
"Pulse-oxygen level. I can put the oxygen on you if I have to. but I'll check in a minute."
Just put the oxygen on me then. What the hell. The pulse-ox is that little thing they put on your pointer finger.
My mom and dad had to go home and get their pills.I wanted my mom to get something to eat so she's not going into a diabetic coma for Christ's sake.
I start closing my eyes trying to ignore the roads and the clock. I figured maybe I should start texting people. I know my friends and family would want to know what's up.
My husband is upset there is no fetal doppler on me now. He is driving from Virginia and will be in Pittsburgh at 5:45. I can tell he is very worried.
I spend most of my time texting people and trying to not watch the clock.
"You can put the lights on the ambulance."
"No we are not gonna do that."
"I won't tell if you think you'll get in trouble!"
"It shouldn't take much longer. If there's traffic, it will take longer."
Fucking city traffic. Jesus, just get me there quicker!
This job would only be 4 days a week and he would be home on the weekends. Because he works in power plants, this is extremely typical of their work cycle: on for a while, then off for a while, etc.
Nothing exciting about that: we can use all the extra money we can get. It has been raining nonstop and I have been spending a lot of time lounging around. Since I teach, I have the time to lounge during the summer.
Anywho, I have been staying up late watching Netflix and going to bed around midnight or a little later. I sleep well and get up around 10:30 a.m.
Yes, I sleep a lot, but I've ALWAYS been like that.
Today was no different than usual: I got up, peed, and put on a liner. I have had discharge this entire pregnancy and with the liner, I won't ruin my underwear.
I take the dog out to pee and poop. I eat my breakfast at 10:45 and then I began my lounge time with House of Cards on Netflix and Etsy on my iPad.
As I'm laying down on the couch, around 12:00, I feel a gush. A huge gush.
I run to the toilet only to find my underwear, liner, and capris are SOAKED with BLOOD. I sit down and more blood comes out. I wipe and I see more BLOOD. I feel one more gush, I pull up my pants and my mind starts to freak the FUCK out.
I RUN to get my sports bra on, grab my cell and purse, and RUN down the basement steps calling my husband.
I start crying and screaming to him as I unlock my car and peel out of the driveway towards the emergency room. I don't even care if the garage door didn't go down.
"I'm bleeding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm bleeding!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!!" I scream at him.
"Get to the ER!!!!"
Luckily, we live only 1 minute away from the ER...2 stoplights are in my way. I fucking pull out in front of a car and put the pedal to the metal.
I try to call my mom and my hands are shaking...and she's on lunch break, but not picking up. I try to call again no answer. I call my husband and tell him to call my Mom.
My mind is racing like a motherfucker and I'm crying and screaming. I semi try to calm down thinking this shit can't be good for Val, but I'm unable to do so.
I pull into the ER parking lot and grab the first spot I see: MRI imaging parking only.
I throw it into park, grab my shit and literally sprint inside. I don't even know if I locked the fucking doors.
I run into the old ER entrance by accident and forget they built the new ER entrance further down, so I changed my direction and started sprinting a different way.
People in the waiting room look at me as I'm huffing, puffing, and crying and I run to the first person I see in scrubs who's talking to patients and I just bark at her:
"Please help me!!!!! I'm 31 weeks pregnant and bleeding a lot!!! Help me please!!!"
The woman asks me my name and they get me a wheelchair and I sit there for what I feel was eternity, but was only like 20 seconds.
My sister calls and I scream at her "I'm bleeding a lot!!!!!" She's in Arizona and I tell her I have to go. She is clearly upset.
They wheel me onto the elevator and I'm crying now but more calmed down.
"I can't believe this is happening! I can't believe it!!!"
I get to Labor and Delivery and the nurses all rush into my room. I'm told to take off all my clothes. They tell me to keep my underwear and capris out so the doctor can see them.
My OB just happened to be on the floor delivering another baby. I'm extremely lucky for that.
She runs in: "Okay, Julie. Let's see what he's doing."
I get hooked up to the fetal heart doppler and contraction belts. I close my eyes. My legs are spread apart and I have literally 5 nurses around me with my doctor at the bottom.
"I'm gonna give you an IV now. We're gonna start giving you fluids."
She rubs my left wrist and boom the capula goes in.
I hear his hearbeat and a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.
"He sounds great!"
"Thank you girls! Thank you!"
"I'm giving you a steroid shot to develop his lungs. You will be getting another one tomorrow. It's called
Celestone."
She rubs my outer hip area and boom that goes in.
"Thank you! Thank you!" I keep saying. They wheel in the ultrasound machine. I keep closing my eyes.
"He looks good. He's still head down. I need to check your cervix. Open your legs up more."
"Okay thank you!!"
I feel another weight lifted. I open my legs much wider.
"Scooch down and put your fists behind your lower back to create an angle. Aren't they any shorter speculums?"
I feel a TON of pressure inside my vagina. It's painful but bearable. I keep closing my eyes. I cannot believe this is happening. I hear my mom outside of the room.
The nurses are rubbing my arms consoling me. I recognize almost all of them since I've been doing the twice a week non-stress tests.
My OB puts her fingers inside with the speculum. It seems like it's taking forever, but I look at the clock and it's only 12:20.
"Your cervix is closed which is great. And you're not in any pain? You say you just started bleeding out of nowhere? You were just laying on the couch? You're having contractions, Julie. "
"Having contractions? Yeah I was Netflixing and iPadding it up. I just feel some pressure in the front of my uterus. Is that the contractions?"
"Yes, those are contractions. We were ready to wheel you out for a C-section. You are going to have to go somewhere else now. This baby is coming out tonight or tomorrow. Your contractions are 1 minute to a minute and a half apart."
"What??"
"Your insurance can take you to either St. E's or West Penn. They both have a NICU and trauma unit. I recommend you go to West Penn in Pittsburgh."
"How am I gonna get there?"
"We called the ambulance and they're down stairs. You're gonna leave in like 30 minutes at the most."
"Okay. I have to pee. Should I even push? I'm scared to push."
"We're gonna put in a catheter."
I try to process all this. It's 12:30. The nurses come in again and put in my catheter. The betadine swab feels cold and then the pressure of the catheter going in is uncomfortable and painful.
"What does the blood mean then?"
"We think either your placenta abrupted or your water broke, but that's not as likely since we would see fluid and not all that blood. That is a lot of blood. That is NOT good Julie."
Jesus! Let me let this sink in.
My mom comes in and clearly her eyes are red from crying. She was on her lunch break and immediately she is apologetic about not hearing my call.
"It's okay Mom."
My mom is diabetic and said she missed the lunch, so she bought a pack of crackers to eat so she doesn't get shaky. I see she is trying to swallow this situation as best she can. She lets me know that my Dad is coming soon too.
"I'm going to Pittsburgh in 30 minutes."
"What?"
"Yeah, she said I'm gonna have him today or tomorrow. Probably get a C-section down there."
"Oh my God!"
I laugh due to me saying this because it never crossed my mind! We always joked that any baby I had would be a big one because of my size, plus my husband's, and my entire family is big.
"He's gonna be like 4 lbs...a preemie. We don't have any clothes that size!"
"Well that just means we get to buy more."
I start to cry again as for some reason, I have to tell my mom what happened at 12:00 again. Why is my mind going to that traumatic time 30 minutes ago? Why am I going back to that? I feel a million times better now.
The nurses take out the catheter. They open the door and I see my girlfriend whose pregnant with twins now and her mom walk down the hall. I call out to her.
She does a double take..."What are you doing here?"
"I started bleeding and they're taking me to Pittsburgh! The baby is coming tonight or tomorrow!"
"Oh my God Julie!"
Her Mom rushes in and immediately is offering help: she wants to bring us food, drinks, anything to make this situation easier. My mom is trying to figure out what to do with the cars here, so we give my friend's mom my car keys and tell her where I live.
She comes back into the room with coffee, tea, and water. She offers to take my bloody clothes and sandals home to wash for me. I don't need them.
All I have with me is my cell, sports bra, and headband.
The nurses come in and say the guys are here with the stretcher. I tell her I have to pee again and they decide to give me a poly catheter for the ride. It will take over an hour to get there.
My mom steps out of the room and they put it in. I stings because I had the other one in earlier. Wish they would've just let that one it but oh well.
I hear my Dad in the hallway. He comes in and kisses me. My parents are gonna meet me down there. I give my Dad my purse because he demands I don't have it.
"What about my insurance cards and ID?"
"You won't need your insurance cards because we faxed them all that."
I've never been on a stretcher or in an ambulance so it feels weird. As they wheel me down the hallway, my OB gets on the elevator and gives me her cell phone number.
"Text me! I want to know everything they do!"
"Thank you! Thank you!"
There's 2 ambulance guys with me and the one is saying how he's delivered 5 babies in the ambulance before. My eyes widen.
"Yeah, I hope I'm not gonna be one of them." Jesus, did I not realize that could happen? Christ!
"You got your phone on you? You gotta take pictures. Your baby is coming soon. You should take a selfie now!" the EMT says.
I give him this wide eye "what the fuck" look. My OB starts to put her head down because she knows I'm SOOOOO not the type.
"Yeah, I'm not that kind of person. There's no guarantees that this is gonna work out and the last thing I need is a photo reminder."
My OB gives me a hug as they put me onto the back of the ambulance. My body is jolting and jarring.
"Are you gonna put a fetal heart monitor on him?"
"No, the ride is too bumpy. I'll be monitoring you and that is a good enough indicator of how he's doing."
Christ, that doesn't make me feel good.
We begin our trip. I look at the clock on my cell: 2:03 pm. Okay so be there around 3:00. I assume he'll put on the lights, but he doesn't. My view is the back of the ambulance looking at the cars and trucks driving towards me.
"Your heart rate is fine, but your pulse-Ox is low at 92. I want it to be 97. You need to calm down."
"My what?" I didn't realize it but I must be freaking out.
"Pulse-oxygen level. I can put the oxygen on you if I have to. but I'll check in a minute."
Just put the oxygen on me then. What the hell. The pulse-ox is that little thing they put on your pointer finger.
My mom and dad had to go home and get their pills.I wanted my mom to get something to eat so she's not going into a diabetic coma for Christ's sake.
I start closing my eyes trying to ignore the roads and the clock. I figured maybe I should start texting people. I know my friends and family would want to know what's up.
My husband is upset there is no fetal doppler on me now. He is driving from Virginia and will be in Pittsburgh at 5:45. I can tell he is very worried.
I spend most of my time texting people and trying to not watch the clock.
"You can put the lights on the ambulance."
"No we are not gonna do that."
"I won't tell if you think you'll get in trouble!"
"It shouldn't take much longer. If there's traffic, it will take longer."
Fucking city traffic. Jesus, just get me there quicker!
West Penn hospital, Pittsburgh, PA
I arrive around 3:00. The trip was too long. I wanna get that fetal doppler on him NOW!
Once on labor and delivery, I get wheeled into this tiny room. The nurse introduces herself and then says she will be back. The EMTs help me off the stretcher and I feel stuff coming out of me but not much. Here's it's brown, old blood...must've came out due to gravity.
They leave and then I stay there alone for what seems to be like 5 minutes. What the fuck!
Another nurse comes in and gives me paperwork to fill out.
"Are you going to put a doppler on him?"
"You're not in the system yet. After we will. Do you have your insurance cards on you?"
JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My best friend comes into my room and I feel so much better to see someone I know! I start taking to her and filling out my paperwork and next pops in my parents. It is a tiny room that has more people in it than it should.
The nurses come in and ask for my history from today and I find myself getting irritated that I'm explaining this shit again.
They finally put the doppler on me and I hear that heart beat.
The resident doctor comes in and asks my parents and friend to leave so he can exam me.
It hurts a LOT. He uses a speculum and is trying to find my cervix. I hadn't bled anymore since 12:00, but when I got off the stretcher, I felt blood come out.
It's old blood that was in there than when I stood up, it went out. Whew!!!!
He cleans that away and I still have the catheter in and the speculum and his hands. He fidgets with the speculum causing me to shout out "Shit that hurts!"
"Your cervix is high, firm, and posterior. All which are great. What were you doing again to start the bleeding?"
I guess they are waiting for me to say white water rafting or jumping off the roof.
"I was laying on the couch playing on my iPad."
"I'm going to check you for a placenta previa."
"I don't have that. My placenta is posterior."
He looks on the ultrasound machine. "Yes, you are right."
Mmmm hmmmmm.
"Your fluid looks great around the baby and that means that your water did not break. It was 16.3 last time you got checked and I'm showing 15.8, which is VERY close."
He look over my records and he starts talking about my circumvallate placenta.
"That ended up being a misdiagnosis. If you look forward from that date, days later I went to 2 different doctors and they said it wasn't that but a synechiae or uterine scarring band from multiple D&C's."
"The MFM specialist will be in to talk to you. He is going to go over all these records. It looks like you get scanned a lot."
They don't see worried here. Over at my hospital, it was all doom and gloom. Here they're like, oh, you're bleeding. Okay.
That worries me and at the same time comforts me: maybe they've seen this before and it's really not bad? Maybe I won't have the baby today?
My parents come back in and my other best friend from work comes in too. The MFM specialist comes in and sits against the wall with his legs open...like very nonchalant.
That puts me off. His questions are short.
"You get seen so much. Why is that?"
"I'm high risk and I have anxiety. My OB sees me twice a month and high risk OB once a month."
"Why are you high risk?"
Jesus look at my fucking records! Is that shit too long for you to read?
"I've had 3 miscarriages due to fatally abnormal chromosomes. I was diagnosed with a
synechiae from previous D&C's."
"I see you go for non-stress tests twice a week. What is that for?"
For real?
"My OB considers me high risk so she wants me to go. I get them done at the high risk office too. Do you have his records?"
"I think we do. Why did you pay for pre-implantation genetic screening? How much was it?"
For reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss??????????????????? Are we gonna get to the point of why I fucking bled today?
"Because of 2/3 of my miscarriages were genetically tested and one was a natural miscarriage. I carry a much higher rate of abnormal embryos that what is normal. My embryos were 89% abnormal versus 56% of what they should be. So we paid $2500 to test and it costs $1500 to biopsy and well we did $4000 to biopsy with the money back guarantee...so that' was $20k alone, then add on $2000 for ICSI."
"So that was a lot of money."
"Ummmm, yeah. In 6 and a half years, it's been $40,000."
"You are very tall. Are you double jointed? Have you been tested for Marfan's syndrome?"
"Ummm, yes, I used to be very flexible, but I haven't even heard of Marfan's syndrome."
"They think Abraham Lincoln had it. You have to be very tall, have specific facial structure...which you don't have. You would've had cardiac issues, very skinny long limbs."
"Ummm, ok. Haven't had any of that. So why did I bleed earlier?"
"We can't be for sure, but most likely there was a separation between the amnion and chorion. That caused you to bleed."
"Is that like a sub choronic hemorrhage? I had those 2 before in early miscarriages, but none this pregnancy."
"Yeah, that is what it is and they are self limiting."
"What does that mean?"
"It means it probably won't come back."
"Can the amion and chiorion go back together?"
"Yes, this is very common. We are going to keep your overnight to monitor your bleeding. You need to get a shot of Celestone in 24 hours after you last got it. After you get that and you are fine, then you can go home."
Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guess no baby today or tomorrow!
I ask to get the catheter out and the nurse takes it out. It burns coming out and she warns me that it will continue to burn when I pee, but drinking water will help.
She wasn't kidding! I was on the pot BURNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a new gown, disposable underwear and a huge, long pad to wear. I walked over to the new room that was a L&D suite. The bed was far more comfortable.
My husband arrived and it was around 6:30 pm. I asked the nurse for some food because I hadn't eaten since 10:45 am. I was assured my food would come up soon.
I waited and waited and finally called the nurse again. She brought me in a turkey sandwich because she didn't know where my tray went. Here they had taken it to the triage room I was just in.
So I had 2 meals basically...which was fine cuz I ate that shit up!!
My husband wanted a fetal doppler on me so they did another non-stress test and there were no contractions. The nurse said I could've been contracting earlier because of the bleeding and that was my uterus's reaction. Kinda like when you get your period and you cramp.
I spent most of the night getting checked on. They said they'd do another non-stress test tomorrow.
To wrap it up, I went to sleep around 1 am and slept until about 4:00. That was it. I couldn't sleep anymore than that.
Once on labor and delivery, I get wheeled into this tiny room. The nurse introduces herself and then says she will be back. The EMTs help me off the stretcher and I feel stuff coming out of me but not much. Here's it's brown, old blood...must've came out due to gravity.
They leave and then I stay there alone for what seems to be like 5 minutes. What the fuck!
Another nurse comes in and gives me paperwork to fill out.
"Are you going to put a doppler on him?"
"You're not in the system yet. After we will. Do you have your insurance cards on you?"
JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My best friend comes into my room and I feel so much better to see someone I know! I start taking to her and filling out my paperwork and next pops in my parents. It is a tiny room that has more people in it than it should.
The nurses come in and ask for my history from today and I find myself getting irritated that I'm explaining this shit again.
They finally put the doppler on me and I hear that heart beat.
The resident doctor comes in and asks my parents and friend to leave so he can exam me.
It hurts a LOT. He uses a speculum and is trying to find my cervix. I hadn't bled anymore since 12:00, but when I got off the stretcher, I felt blood come out.
It's old blood that was in there than when I stood up, it went out. Whew!!!!
He cleans that away and I still have the catheter in and the speculum and his hands. He fidgets with the speculum causing me to shout out "Shit that hurts!"
"Your cervix is high, firm, and posterior. All which are great. What were you doing again to start the bleeding?"
I guess they are waiting for me to say white water rafting or jumping off the roof.
"I was laying on the couch playing on my iPad."
"I'm going to check you for a placenta previa."
"I don't have that. My placenta is posterior."
He looks on the ultrasound machine. "Yes, you are right."
Mmmm hmmmmm.
"Your fluid looks great around the baby and that means that your water did not break. It was 16.3 last time you got checked and I'm showing 15.8, which is VERY close."
He look over my records and he starts talking about my circumvallate placenta.
"That ended up being a misdiagnosis. If you look forward from that date, days later I went to 2 different doctors and they said it wasn't that but a synechiae or uterine scarring band from multiple D&C's."
"The MFM specialist will be in to talk to you. He is going to go over all these records. It looks like you get scanned a lot."
They don't see worried here. Over at my hospital, it was all doom and gloom. Here they're like, oh, you're bleeding. Okay.
That worries me and at the same time comforts me: maybe they've seen this before and it's really not bad? Maybe I won't have the baby today?
My parents come back in and my other best friend from work comes in too. The MFM specialist comes in and sits against the wall with his legs open...like very nonchalant.
That puts me off. His questions are short.
"You get seen so much. Why is that?"
"I'm high risk and I have anxiety. My OB sees me twice a month and high risk OB once a month."
"Why are you high risk?"
Jesus look at my fucking records! Is that shit too long for you to read?
"I've had 3 miscarriages due to fatally abnormal chromosomes. I was diagnosed with a
synechiae from previous D&C's."
"I see you go for non-stress tests twice a week. What is that for?"
For real?
"My OB considers me high risk so she wants me to go. I get them done at the high risk office too. Do you have his records?"
"I think we do. Why did you pay for pre-implantation genetic screening? How much was it?"
For reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss??????????????????? Are we gonna get to the point of why I fucking bled today?
"Because of 2/3 of my miscarriages were genetically tested and one was a natural miscarriage. I carry a much higher rate of abnormal embryos that what is normal. My embryos were 89% abnormal versus 56% of what they should be. So we paid $2500 to test and it costs $1500 to biopsy and well we did $4000 to biopsy with the money back guarantee...so that' was $20k alone, then add on $2000 for ICSI."
"So that was a lot of money."
"Ummmm, yeah. In 6 and a half years, it's been $40,000."
"You are very tall. Are you double jointed? Have you been tested for Marfan's syndrome?"
"Ummm, yes, I used to be very flexible, but I haven't even heard of Marfan's syndrome."
"They think Abraham Lincoln had it. You have to be very tall, have specific facial structure...which you don't have. You would've had cardiac issues, very skinny long limbs."
"Ummm, ok. Haven't had any of that. So why did I bleed earlier?"
"We can't be for sure, but most likely there was a separation between the amnion and chorion. That caused you to bleed."
"Is that like a sub choronic hemorrhage? I had those 2 before in early miscarriages, but none this pregnancy."
"Yeah, that is what it is and they are self limiting."
"What does that mean?"
"It means it probably won't come back."
"Can the amion and chiorion go back together?"
"Yes, this is very common. We are going to keep your overnight to monitor your bleeding. You need to get a shot of Celestone in 24 hours after you last got it. After you get that and you are fine, then you can go home."
Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guess no baby today or tomorrow!
I ask to get the catheter out and the nurse takes it out. It burns coming out and she warns me that it will continue to burn when I pee, but drinking water will help.
She wasn't kidding! I was on the pot BURNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a new gown, disposable underwear and a huge, long pad to wear. I walked over to the new room that was a L&D suite. The bed was far more comfortable.
My husband arrived and it was around 6:30 pm. I asked the nurse for some food because I hadn't eaten since 10:45 am. I was assured my food would come up soon.
I waited and waited and finally called the nurse again. She brought me in a turkey sandwich because she didn't know where my tray went. Here they had taken it to the triage room I was just in.
So I had 2 meals basically...which was fine cuz I ate that shit up!!
My husband wanted a fetal doppler on me so they did another non-stress test and there were no contractions. The nurse said I could've been contracting earlier because of the bleeding and that was my uterus's reaction. Kinda like when you get your period and you cramp.
I spent most of the night getting checked on. They said they'd do another non-stress test tomorrow.
To wrap it up, I went to sleep around 1 am and slept until about 4:00. That was it. I couldn't sleep anymore than that.
Tuesday, June 30th...31 weeks, 4 days
My husband seemed to sleep pretty well on the couch. I couldn't sleep for shit but I think it was because of my nerves, new environment, and having to get checked on every few hours.
I got a prenatal vitamin and breakfast came around 8:30.
A nurse came in to take my blood to check for antibodies. I guess they forgot to do it yesterday. They are going to see if I need another RhoGAM shot since I bled. I did have one on June 6th, but they need to check my antibodies.
Four doctors came in to check on me and answer any questions. I just wanted them to reiterate what happened yesterday. They said that yes, it could be a SCH, but nothing on the ultrasound showed that. Since I get seen often, my doctors would've seen it.
The chorion and amnion can fuse back together. I might not bleed again. If I do bleed red, go to the ER. I might spot for awhile and that's okay.
I can most likely carry to term. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been currently spotting brown blood, but it's very scant.
I got another non-stress test around 11:00 and Celestone shot at 12:30. They said the results of the Indirect Coombs Test for antibodies came up that I didn't need the RhoGAM shot.
I ate lunch and I ended up being discharged at 1:30. I literally had not clothes besides my sportsbra, so the nurse gave me scrubs and slipper socks to wear home.
I had been texting my doctor a lot during this stay. She had questions for me that I couldn't answer, so she ended up calling yesterday and today.
When we were driving home, my OB texted that she couldn't believe I was discharged! She surely thought they would've kept me longer.
She wanted me to come into the hospital tonight to get a RhoGAM shot even though West Penn said I didn't need one. She had been talking with Dr. El-Azeem (high risk OB) and he agreed. I was to get an extended non-stress test as well as see Dr. El-Azeem tomorrow for an ultrasound appointment.
I showered! Yay!! Hadn't done that since Sunday afternoon. I go to eat dinner and then went to my NST at 7:00.
When I got back to the L&D, I saw several of the nurses who worked on me yesterday. They started hugging me and saying how I worried them so much!!! They said they didn't think the prognosis looked good cuz I had all that blood! I told them that how fast they worked on me with such care really showed me what a wonderful family I have made on this floor.
It was so sweet to see how genuninely happy they were that I was doing well. They also couldn't believe that I was back home!!!
For the NST, I ended up getting hooked up then a girl came and took my blood to check for antibodies for the RhodGAM shot. until 10:00 pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had them unhook me twice so I could piss.
I've NEVER been on that long and I was getting so tired and my cell was dying. I just wanted to go home.
The nursing staff came in and said they had to send out my bloodwork to the lab in Pittsburgh and wouldn't have the results until midnight. I was to go home and call my OB's office at 10 am to see if I needed to go back to L&D and get the RhoGAM.
I went home and went to bed around 11:30 pm. What a crazy long day.
I got a prenatal vitamin and breakfast came around 8:30.
A nurse came in to take my blood to check for antibodies. I guess they forgot to do it yesterday. They are going to see if I need another RhoGAM shot since I bled. I did have one on June 6th, but they need to check my antibodies.
Four doctors came in to check on me and answer any questions. I just wanted them to reiterate what happened yesterday. They said that yes, it could be a SCH, but nothing on the ultrasound showed that. Since I get seen often, my doctors would've seen it.
The chorion and amnion can fuse back together. I might not bleed again. If I do bleed red, go to the ER. I might spot for awhile and that's okay.
I can most likely carry to term. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been currently spotting brown blood, but it's very scant.
I got another non-stress test around 11:00 and Celestone shot at 12:30. They said the results of the Indirect Coombs Test for antibodies came up that I didn't need the RhoGAM shot.
I ate lunch and I ended up being discharged at 1:30. I literally had not clothes besides my sportsbra, so the nurse gave me scrubs and slipper socks to wear home.
I had been texting my doctor a lot during this stay. She had questions for me that I couldn't answer, so she ended up calling yesterday and today.
When we were driving home, my OB texted that she couldn't believe I was discharged! She surely thought they would've kept me longer.
She wanted me to come into the hospital tonight to get a RhoGAM shot even though West Penn said I didn't need one. She had been talking with Dr. El-Azeem (high risk OB) and he agreed. I was to get an extended non-stress test as well as see Dr. El-Azeem tomorrow for an ultrasound appointment.
I showered! Yay!! Hadn't done that since Sunday afternoon. I go to eat dinner and then went to my NST at 7:00.
When I got back to the L&D, I saw several of the nurses who worked on me yesterday. They started hugging me and saying how I worried them so much!!! They said they didn't think the prognosis looked good cuz I had all that blood! I told them that how fast they worked on me with such care really showed me what a wonderful family I have made on this floor.
It was so sweet to see how genuninely happy they were that I was doing well. They also couldn't believe that I was back home!!!
For the NST, I ended up getting hooked up then a girl came and took my blood to check for antibodies for the RhodGAM shot. until 10:00 pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had them unhook me twice so I could piss.
I've NEVER been on that long and I was getting so tired and my cell was dying. I just wanted to go home.
The nursing staff came in and said they had to send out my bloodwork to the lab in Pittsburgh and wouldn't have the results until midnight. I was to go home and call my OB's office at 10 am to see if I needed to go back to L&D and get the RhoGAM.
I went home and went to bed around 11:30 pm. What a crazy long day.
Wednesday, July 1st...31 weeks, 5 days
I couldn't sleep past 5:45 am. I think my mind was subconsciously working away. I spent my morning updating this blog and typing a letter for HR about the wonderful care I received on Monday at my local hospital.
I called my OB's office to inquire about the RhoGAM shot and there is confusion. They were under the impression that I already got last night.
A few phone calls later, they are going to call me back to see if I do have to get it again.
My husband and I drive to the high risk OB for an appointment at 12:00. I hope he can get to the bottom of why I was bleeding all of sudden.
I do a non-stress test there, get a urine sample, and blood pressure done. I have gained 1 pound and am back to 276 lbs. I am wondering if the OB is gonna be pissed again, then it's only been 3 weeks since last weigh in and with 2 days in the hospital, that food was very meager.
Since I was bleeding, he wanted to do a transvaginal ultrasound. Totally fine by me...I mean us infertiles are used to those!
It hurt when he put the wand in for it seemed he put in it pretty far. I was telling him about Monday and Tuesday and how West Penn thought I had a SCH, but they were not positive since they didn't see it on their ultrasound.
Now, his ultrasound machinery is very advanced compared to many others I've seen. I would say it might be more advanced than the ones at Shady Grove.
He has screens in the room, so you can just look at a larger TV sized screen on the wall as he measures.
He points out an oval shaped spot on my placenta and says that it is a blister. It is where the blood came from because I have a mild placental abruption. If you look at what the risk factors for it, I have NONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He points to the spot where I can see how it is pullled away from the wall.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
I instantly start questioning him. It goes back and forth for a while, so here's the summary:
Okay, I swallow that news.
He checks and measures everything else. I ask him for print out and I briefly look at it to see that Val is 4 lbs 2 oz. I ask the OB if that is good that he is measuring ahead and he said it doesn't matter...just means a big baby...big baby doesn't mean mature baby.
My husband points out that the abdominal circumference (AC) is showing at 14% and I see that his overall size is at 45th percentile...he was in the 65th percentile 3 weeks ago...since I keep track of the sheets, I quickly look on my phone to see that it is FAR below what is was before.
I start to question it and my OB is typing, so he asks me to wait just a second.
Then I start to cry.
After like 2-3 minutes of typing, he turns his attention towards me and talks about the abdominal circumference. Here's the summary:
I feel sick to my stomach and leave the office crying.
This abruption must've just occurred between the dates of June 15 to June 29. I saw my regular OB on June 22nd. So from one Monday to the next, there either wasn't a huge difference in what they saw, or this placenta just abrupted overnight.
He didn't tell me to increase calories, but my husband is very upset that I haven't gained much weight. So we plan on loading up. On the way home, since I feel sick from the news we got, we stop for Papa John's pizza and Dunkin Donuts to get a vanilla bean coolatta.
Once we get home, I feel a physically better, but not emotionally.
My husband starts making me shakes and gives me more things to eat. He goes to Giant Eagle and buys Ensure and Boost.
I don't know if it will do any good, but I might as well eat and eat and eat.
I text my regular OB about what the high risk OB said. She said everything will be alright. Jeez, I fucking hope so.
I called my OB's office to inquire about the RhoGAM shot and there is confusion. They were under the impression that I already got last night.
A few phone calls later, they are going to call me back to see if I do have to get it again.
My husband and I drive to the high risk OB for an appointment at 12:00. I hope he can get to the bottom of why I was bleeding all of sudden.
I do a non-stress test there, get a urine sample, and blood pressure done. I have gained 1 pound and am back to 276 lbs. I am wondering if the OB is gonna be pissed again, then it's only been 3 weeks since last weigh in and with 2 days in the hospital, that food was very meager.
Since I was bleeding, he wanted to do a transvaginal ultrasound. Totally fine by me...I mean us infertiles are used to those!
It hurt when he put the wand in for it seemed he put in it pretty far. I was telling him about Monday and Tuesday and how West Penn thought I had a SCH, but they were not positive since they didn't see it on their ultrasound.
Now, his ultrasound machinery is very advanced compared to many others I've seen. I would say it might be more advanced than the ones at Shady Grove.
He has screens in the room, so you can just look at a larger TV sized screen on the wall as he measures.
He points out an oval shaped spot on my placenta and says that it is a blister. It is where the blood came from because I have a mild placental abruption. If you look at what the risk factors for it, I have NONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He points to the spot where I can see how it is pullled away from the wall.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
I instantly start questioning him. It goes back and forth for a while, so here's the summary:
- The blister spot is 1.3 x 3.1 cm.
- 5% of the placenta is abrupted. 10% is bad and if you get to 50%, the baby must come out ASAP.
- I could definitely bleed again.
- I could very well make it to full term, but if I bleed between weeks 34-37, I will have to monitored in the hospital. If it's week 37+, then take the baby out.
- I am to be on modified bedrest which means no sex, exercise, dishes, laundry, cooking, walking around a lot, driving more than 20 minutes away, or doing a ton of steps.
- There is nothing I can do to prevent it from detaching completely.
- There is nothing that caused it...it just happens.
- It is very rare---go figure.
- Val's head might've hit the blister spot and caused the instant bleed on Monday, but that is not for sure.
- The placenta cannot re-attach itself.
- If I bleed red blood again, I am to go to the ER.
- I could have dark brown spotting and that's okay.
- If I bleed even just a quarter sized amount of red, that doesn't mean that that is all there is....it just means that's what came out. There could be a pool of blood around the uterus or placenta and that is bad.
- Continue to get twice weekly non-stress tests at the hospital
- See him twice a month...next appointment is on July 13th
Okay, I swallow that news.
He checks and measures everything else. I ask him for print out and I briefly look at it to see that Val is 4 lbs 2 oz. I ask the OB if that is good that he is measuring ahead and he said it doesn't matter...just means a big baby...big baby doesn't mean mature baby.
My husband points out that the abdominal circumference (AC) is showing at 14% and I see that his overall size is at 45th percentile...he was in the 65th percentile 3 weeks ago...since I keep track of the sheets, I quickly look on my phone to see that it is FAR below what is was before.
I start to question it and my OB is typing, so he asks me to wait just a second.
Then I start to cry.
After like 2-3 minutes of typing, he turns his attention towards me and talks about the abdominal circumference. Here's the summary:
- Normal range is 10-90%. The fact that 3 weeks ago, Val was 46% and now is 14% is indicative that the placenta is not giving him enough nutrients. This is due to the abruption.
- If he gets under 10% his body will go to other stored sources to steal away nutrients.
- If he gets too low, the baby is better out than in, because we cannot control what the placenta does, but we can control feeding tubes and shots, etc.
I feel sick to my stomach and leave the office crying.
This abruption must've just occurred between the dates of June 15 to June 29. I saw my regular OB on June 22nd. So from one Monday to the next, there either wasn't a huge difference in what they saw, or this placenta just abrupted overnight.
He didn't tell me to increase calories, but my husband is very upset that I haven't gained much weight. So we plan on loading up. On the way home, since I feel sick from the news we got, we stop for Papa John's pizza and Dunkin Donuts to get a vanilla bean coolatta.
Once we get home, I feel a physically better, but not emotionally.
My husband starts making me shakes and gives me more things to eat. He goes to Giant Eagle and buys Ensure and Boost.
I don't know if it will do any good, but I might as well eat and eat and eat.
I text my regular OB about what the high risk OB said. She said everything will be alright. Jeez, I fucking hope so.
We drive to the hospital to get the RhoGAM shot again. I was at the doctor's office when my regular OB's office called saying they want me to get it done.
The L&D nurse is super sweet and she goes on about how everyone has been talking about me and what happened. I explain to her what West Penn said and what my high risk said.
She mentioned that since it's modified bed rest, that I shouldn't be walking into the hospital...I should be wheelchaired around. She thought too that the 14% for the AC could be off just because its a measurement. She said just don't dwell on that number since it could change.
She asked me if I was having shower soon...ummmm, it's July 11th, so I guess that's good.
I get the RhoGAM shot and just wanna go lay down. By now, it's 4:30 pm.
We go home and I just plop on the couch. I am to go to childbirthing class at 7:00 and I don't feel like it.
I figure, why go? I'm probably gonna need a C-section anyways. It cost $60 for the classes and insurance will reimburse me if I go to 75% of the classes. Well, they end August 12th...I just have this feeling I won't make many of them. Then I'm out $60.
So I just forget about them.
I know you're not supposed to Google, but when I was misdiagnosed at 19 weeks with that circumvallate placenta, I looked up about placental abruption.
I remember the symptoms and causes...and it angers me that I don't have any of them. Go figure!
The L&D nurse is super sweet and she goes on about how everyone has been talking about me and what happened. I explain to her what West Penn said and what my high risk said.
She mentioned that since it's modified bed rest, that I shouldn't be walking into the hospital...I should be wheelchaired around. She thought too that the 14% for the AC could be off just because its a measurement. She said just don't dwell on that number since it could change.
She asked me if I was having shower soon...ummmm, it's July 11th, so I guess that's good.
I get the RhoGAM shot and just wanna go lay down. By now, it's 4:30 pm.
We go home and I just plop on the couch. I am to go to childbirthing class at 7:00 and I don't feel like it.
I figure, why go? I'm probably gonna need a C-section anyways. It cost $60 for the classes and insurance will reimburse me if I go to 75% of the classes. Well, they end August 12th...I just have this feeling I won't make many of them. Then I'm out $60.
So I just forget about them.
I know you're not supposed to Google, but when I was misdiagnosed at 19 weeks with that circumvallate placenta, I looked up about placental abruption.
I remember the symptoms and causes...and it angers me that I don't have any of them. Go figure!
32 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!
So it's been a few days of increasing calories. My husband has been literally force feeding me. We were not told to increase calories by a lot, but in our minds, it's the least we can do to see if that increases his abdominal circumference...even though I know that his nutrient loss is due to the placenta coming off.
What can it hurt to eat more calories and nutrients?
He buys Boost and Ensure...they taste good. I eat a lot that Thursday and end up throwing up twice that night. Now, I know I have to pace myself and spaced out the smaller meals more frequently.
And now I just play the waiting patiently game...my husband wants me to get a non-stress test everyday. The next appointment for my regular OB is on Thursday, July 9th. He wants me to get seen on Monday.
I try not to stress, but this placenta abruption shit is making me nervous. Why would I ever want to get pregnant again even more so than ever!!!!!!!!! Too much fucking stress and anxiety!!
I want the baby out....NOW! I want him to get the care he needs and I am so deathly afraid of bleeding again.
Oh, and the other shitty thing about placenta abruption is that 20% of the time, you don't have visual blood. That means you are BLEEDING INSIDE, BUT IT'S NOT LEAKING OUT! Jesus!!!!
That scares the shit out of me!
I'm glad I'm not working so I can at least get paid to dwell, worry, and lay on the couch.
Uggggggggghhhh I hope I can make it to 34 weeks. One day at a time I guess.
What can it hurt to eat more calories and nutrients?
He buys Boost and Ensure...they taste good. I eat a lot that Thursday and end up throwing up twice that night. Now, I know I have to pace myself and spaced out the smaller meals more frequently.
And now I just play the waiting patiently game...my husband wants me to get a non-stress test everyday. The next appointment for my regular OB is on Thursday, July 9th. He wants me to get seen on Monday.
I try not to stress, but this placenta abruption shit is making me nervous. Why would I ever want to get pregnant again even more so than ever!!!!!!!!! Too much fucking stress and anxiety!!
I want the baby out....NOW! I want him to get the care he needs and I am so deathly afraid of bleeding again.
Oh, and the other shitty thing about placenta abruption is that 20% of the time, you don't have visual blood. That means you are BLEEDING INSIDE, BUT IT'S NOT LEAKING OUT! Jesus!!!!
That scares the shit out of me!
I'm glad I'm not working so I can at least get paid to dwell, worry, and lay on the couch.
Uggggggggghhhh I hope I can make it to 34 weeks. One day at a time I guess.
Sunday, July 5th---32 weeks, 2 days
I thought I would get several weeks to go by and not bleed.
I'm so naive.
Same thing happened today: I had to go to the bathroom and strained some to go because the stools were harder than usual. I have been eating a lot to try to compensate for the low abdominal circumference.
Anyways, I wiped and there's red blood. I cry out to my husband, grab my phone and purse and we run down the stairs to go to the ER.
Same shit once again...I'm freaking out but at least I'm not behind the wheel.
We get there and just a repeat of before, they put me in triage and start the IV, fetal heart monitors, and contraction monitor.
There's not a ton of blood like last time. There's no pain like last time and I didn't do anything but lay down like last time.
Val's totally fine and so am I. My OB sends me for an ultrasound and I am to stay until Wednesday. My baby shower is on Saturday, July 11.th. I'm curious if my body will be stable for that? Or I will even be allowed to go!
The ultrasound is a biophysical one and it's only this terribly hard and short table. I am sweating getting this ultrasound.
My mom and husband are in the room watching the tech measure everything.
One part of the ultrasound was a 30 minute movement analysis. The tech had to account for several movements including his ability to use his diaphragm.
Val did great and got a normal score. The placenta showed placental lakes. My OB said that those are common and couldn't really give me a good description of what they were.
So I end up doing three 90 minute non-stress tests a day. I like being hooked up to the monitors because it just further reiterates that the baby is moving appropriately.
I have to wear clot preventing stockings all the time besides when I shower. I am hooked up to the IV getting fluids constantly...causing me to piss constantly.
I end up staying until Wednesday, July 8th and am only getting discharged then because my high risk OB wants me to come in for an ultrasound.
My husband doesn't want me to leave the hospital. I want to leave because I want to see if Val's abdominal area has improved, but also to see if the placental abruption has changed or if the blood blister has shrunk.
As I stay in the hospital, I accumulate a million notes on my iPhone.
As the stay goes, my bleeding changes from dark red to brown. There's only a little blood on Wednesday when I get discharged at 7:30 a.m. for my appointment at 8:30 a.m.
I'm so naive.
Same thing happened today: I had to go to the bathroom and strained some to go because the stools were harder than usual. I have been eating a lot to try to compensate for the low abdominal circumference.
Anyways, I wiped and there's red blood. I cry out to my husband, grab my phone and purse and we run down the stairs to go to the ER.
Same shit once again...I'm freaking out but at least I'm not behind the wheel.
We get there and just a repeat of before, they put me in triage and start the IV, fetal heart monitors, and contraction monitor.
There's not a ton of blood like last time. There's no pain like last time and I didn't do anything but lay down like last time.
Val's totally fine and so am I. My OB sends me for an ultrasound and I am to stay until Wednesday. My baby shower is on Saturday, July 11.th. I'm curious if my body will be stable for that? Or I will even be allowed to go!
The ultrasound is a biophysical one and it's only this terribly hard and short table. I am sweating getting this ultrasound.
My mom and husband are in the room watching the tech measure everything.
One part of the ultrasound was a 30 minute movement analysis. The tech had to account for several movements including his ability to use his diaphragm.
Val did great and got a normal score. The placenta showed placental lakes. My OB said that those are common and couldn't really give me a good description of what they were.
So I end up doing three 90 minute non-stress tests a day. I like being hooked up to the monitors because it just further reiterates that the baby is moving appropriately.
I have to wear clot preventing stockings all the time besides when I shower. I am hooked up to the IV getting fluids constantly...causing me to piss constantly.
I end up staying until Wednesday, July 8th and am only getting discharged then because my high risk OB wants me to come in for an ultrasound.
My husband doesn't want me to leave the hospital. I want to leave because I want to see if Val's abdominal area has improved, but also to see if the placental abruption has changed or if the blood blister has shrunk.
As I stay in the hospital, I accumulate a million notes on my iPhone.
As the stay goes, my bleeding changes from dark red to brown. There's only a little blood on Wednesday when I get discharged at 7:30 a.m. for my appointment at 8:30 a.m.
High Risk OB appointment--32 weeks, 5 days
I am nervous for this appointment. I barely sleep at the hospital to begin with, but it is worse now that I know that I could be getting shitty news tomorrow.
My blood pressures is fine. Weight is 278 lbs, so I went up 2 pounds in one week. Yay!!!!
I do a non-stress test and they cut it short because the doctor is ahead of schedule. Good! I wanna see him ASAP!
I tell my high risk OB that I am going to keep my phone on my lap because I intend on recording his answers in my notes app. The nurses here gave me several ideas too, so I'm glad I accumulated them.
Here's my questions and answers:
1. Did the placenta pull away more?
No, same that is good
2. Did the blood blister grow?
No, same that is good
3. Sunday's ultrasound saw Placenta lakes?
Lakes are common and don't bleed. Hard to distinguish between placental lakes and abruption...unless it bleeds then it's abruption. One blister by cervix is not a lake.
4. Will I keep having bleeding episodes?
Probably, but hopefully not
5. Did straining to defecate harder stools trigger it?
Yeah probably---take stool softeners
6. What should I do if I bleed again?
Fresh Maroon color is when you go to ER. Don't need to stay overnight if it's old blood.
7. As he gets bigger, will that add strain to the placenta causing it to abrupt more?
No
8. Where is the abruption?
On edge on the bottom by his head, lower by my vagina
9. If I go early, where to deliver?
Depends, but if it was a distress situation, then he would do C-section at Saint E's... but if I'm 35 weeks and beyond, we're okay at Jamesons (Jameson's doesn't have a NICU or trauma unit)
10. How long my cervix is?
3.7 cm good
11. My OB offered to induce me at 35 weeks before she goes on vacation...what do you think if that?
No. You'll be going to full term...only go early if there's distress on me or baby then it would be emergency C section.
12. Did his abdominal circumference improve?
Yes, it went from 14% to 24%. Val weighs 4 lb 10 oz. An 8 oz improvement!
Other notes:
-He'll be on vacation late afternoon July 29 to August 12. At that point, I would be at least 35 weeks, 5 days, so I wouldn't need him to deliver me hopefully.
-The blood I had Sunday was fresh, it could've been from awhile ago and just took a while to come out of me. Anytime you see red blood, that is fresh. Only brown or black is old.
-Continue modified bed rest & see him every week
-Baby Shower is ok: just use a comfy lounge chair because he doesn't want me sitting in uncomfy chair for 2-3 hours straight cuz he worries I'll contract and maybe bleed.
My blood pressures is fine. Weight is 278 lbs, so I went up 2 pounds in one week. Yay!!!!
I do a non-stress test and they cut it short because the doctor is ahead of schedule. Good! I wanna see him ASAP!
I tell my high risk OB that I am going to keep my phone on my lap because I intend on recording his answers in my notes app. The nurses here gave me several ideas too, so I'm glad I accumulated them.
Here's my questions and answers:
1. Did the placenta pull away more?
No, same that is good
2. Did the blood blister grow?
No, same that is good
3. Sunday's ultrasound saw Placenta lakes?
Lakes are common and don't bleed. Hard to distinguish between placental lakes and abruption...unless it bleeds then it's abruption. One blister by cervix is not a lake.
4. Will I keep having bleeding episodes?
Probably, but hopefully not
5. Did straining to defecate harder stools trigger it?
Yeah probably---take stool softeners
6. What should I do if I bleed again?
Fresh Maroon color is when you go to ER. Don't need to stay overnight if it's old blood.
7. As he gets bigger, will that add strain to the placenta causing it to abrupt more?
No
8. Where is the abruption?
On edge on the bottom by his head, lower by my vagina
9. If I go early, where to deliver?
Depends, but if it was a distress situation, then he would do C-section at Saint E's... but if I'm 35 weeks and beyond, we're okay at Jamesons (Jameson's doesn't have a NICU or trauma unit)
10. How long my cervix is?
3.7 cm good
11. My OB offered to induce me at 35 weeks before she goes on vacation...what do you think if that?
No. You'll be going to full term...only go early if there's distress on me or baby then it would be emergency C section.
12. Did his abdominal circumference improve?
Yes, it went from 14% to 24%. Val weighs 4 lb 10 oz. An 8 oz improvement!
Other notes:
-He'll be on vacation late afternoon July 29 to August 12. At that point, I would be at least 35 weeks, 5 days, so I wouldn't need him to deliver me hopefully.
-The blood I had Sunday was fresh, it could've been from awhile ago and just took a while to come out of me. Anytime you see red blood, that is fresh. Only brown or black is old.
-Continue modified bed rest & see him every week
-Baby Shower is ok: just use a comfy lounge chair because he doesn't want me sitting in uncomfy chair for 2-3 hours straight cuz he worries I'll contract and maybe bleed.
Soooooo...I got 10 hours home and then back to the hospital
I got home from the appointment happy. I laid in bed and had my iPad, iPhone, food and drinks next to me.
I was in my own bed!!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't do much besides lay, nap, and eat.
My sister, husband, and nephew were flying in from Arizona and would be at my house around 6:00. I got a shower around 5:45 and then went into the kitchen where my mom was with pizza. I opened my fridge and moved some older foods onto the counter because they were left overs from July 4th.
That's all I did...no cleaning...no lifting...literally moved 2 things.
Then I started to cramp...like STRONG and PAINFUL cramp in my lower left uterus area.
My sister and family walked in the door and I couldn't even smile. I tried, but I was in pain.
I went to my bed immediately and my mom brought me in some pizza. I forced myself to take a few bites and I quit. I looked at the clock and noticed that 8 minutes had passed and this cramp was STILL painful.
I felt like I had to pee and as you can guess, I looked at the toilet paper and there was red blood.
"Dad let's go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We gotta go to the ER! I'm fucking bleeding again!"
"What???"
I don't even grab my purse...just my phone....and I start crying in the car...I'm so sick of this shit!
I get there and the nurses are shocked that I'm back so quickly!
I tell them I am too. This cramping does not subside. In fact now, I am having lower back pain too.
They try to get the IV in me, but since my body has been poked several times, it gives up.
They try 5 times to get the IV in before it works. Apparently, they keep hitting valves. They are like road blocks that you have to get around, but they are unable to.
One of the nurses does a cervical exam and my cervix is closed and posterior.
I am not having contractions according to the contraction monitor.
It's past 9:00 pm. I look up at the ceiling and start to cry thinking:
I lay on my side because they said I could try sleeping, but they want to keep my monitors on. I try to get comfy but Val never likes me to lay on my side during NSTs: I always stay on my back.
But I HAVE to sleep and my back hurts, so laying on my back will be the only way.
They get him to stay on the monitors and they turn out the lights. I just close my eyes and try to sleep...after getting my crying fit in, I fall asleep pretty quickly.
I don't sleep long before I have to pee...and they won't let me use the toilet. I must use the bed pan.
If you've never used a bed pan, god, does it make you feel like an invalid.
To get on the bed pan, they lower the bed into 2 parts where the bottom part goes down (like I'm in labor).
I put my legs bent in as close to a 90 degree as I can to make my body feel like I'm on the toilet.
I have to lift my butt up and sit on the pan. It is difficult, but luckily I am strong. I KNOW that many women couldn't do this for the fact they are not able to lift up their bodies from this position. Would a nurse do it then? Jeez, I hope!
I pee in the pan and then I'm giving a warm, wet washcloth to wipe or basically pat my area clean.
The wash cloth is all red each time. And then I have to lift myself off the pan and back onto the bed pad. I don't have any underwear on.
The next day, my OB tells me that she wants to keep me until I see the high risk OB again on July 15th. I would be discharged that morning.
I need to postpone my baby shower...it's just not gonna happen. Luckily, the restaurant is understanding and will not lose my Mom's deposit. We will just do a "meet the baby" party there sometime in the future.
My mom is worried that I'm depressed about this, but I'm not. As you know, I was worried to even have a shower because I just kept thinking I would lose the baby sometime. I thought I would do the shower after the baby is here like how some people did in the 'olden days' lol.
And now it looks like I got my previous wish.
I ask the OB if I should even shower because I did and then I bled. She laughs saying, no you can be clean. If you were in bed the ENTIRE time, you'd get blood clots.
She said there was no trigger and that just to expect to bleed again because this abruption is causing unpredictable bleeding.
And I don't have to use the bed pan anymore!!!!! Yay!! I DID not want to use it for going #2!
My insurance will only pay for a continuous 10 day stay...and since I got re-admitted within 24 hours from leaving, the stay continues from Sunday.
My 10 days will be up on next Wednesday, July 15th. I cannot get re-admitted before 24 hours have passed...I mean, I could, but insurance won't cover it.
FUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK insurance! My secondary could, but jesus, this blows.
I get three 90 minute NSTs a day. I continue to wear the clot preventing tights. I only get up to go to the bathroom and shower.
The nursing staff loves me and they get me candy and movies from RedBox. I am getting cabin fever, but I'd rather be here than at home. I'm scared to go home and bleed.
You spend all this time examining at the toilet paper when you are TTCing and now that I was pregnant, I got about 10 weeks of not looking at it.
Well, shit, I'm back examining it. The nurses have to record what it looks like and record how much I pee.
I was in my own bed!!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't do much besides lay, nap, and eat.
My sister, husband, and nephew were flying in from Arizona and would be at my house around 6:00. I got a shower around 5:45 and then went into the kitchen where my mom was with pizza. I opened my fridge and moved some older foods onto the counter because they were left overs from July 4th.
That's all I did...no cleaning...no lifting...literally moved 2 things.
Then I started to cramp...like STRONG and PAINFUL cramp in my lower left uterus area.
My sister and family walked in the door and I couldn't even smile. I tried, but I was in pain.
I went to my bed immediately and my mom brought me in some pizza. I forced myself to take a few bites and I quit. I looked at the clock and noticed that 8 minutes had passed and this cramp was STILL painful.
I felt like I had to pee and as you can guess, I looked at the toilet paper and there was red blood.
"Dad let's go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We gotta go to the ER! I'm fucking bleeding again!"
"What???"
I don't even grab my purse...just my phone....and I start crying in the car...I'm so sick of this shit!
I get there and the nurses are shocked that I'm back so quickly!
I tell them I am too. This cramping does not subside. In fact now, I am having lower back pain too.
They try to get the IV in me, but since my body has been poked several times, it gives up.
They try 5 times to get the IV in before it works. Apparently, they keep hitting valves. They are like road blocks that you have to get around, but they are unable to.
One of the nurses does a cervical exam and my cervix is closed and posterior.
I am not having contractions according to the contraction monitor.
It's past 9:00 pm. I look up at the ceiling and start to cry thinking:
- This hurts so badly: they end up using an 18 gauge..which is big!
- This blows: why can't I have a normal pregnancy.
- How stupid I was to be happy after the ultrasound earlier.
I lay on my side because they said I could try sleeping, but they want to keep my monitors on. I try to get comfy but Val never likes me to lay on my side during NSTs: I always stay on my back.
But I HAVE to sleep and my back hurts, so laying on my back will be the only way.
They get him to stay on the monitors and they turn out the lights. I just close my eyes and try to sleep...after getting my crying fit in, I fall asleep pretty quickly.
I don't sleep long before I have to pee...and they won't let me use the toilet. I must use the bed pan.
If you've never used a bed pan, god, does it make you feel like an invalid.
To get on the bed pan, they lower the bed into 2 parts where the bottom part goes down (like I'm in labor).
I put my legs bent in as close to a 90 degree as I can to make my body feel like I'm on the toilet.
I have to lift my butt up and sit on the pan. It is difficult, but luckily I am strong. I KNOW that many women couldn't do this for the fact they are not able to lift up their bodies from this position. Would a nurse do it then? Jeez, I hope!
I pee in the pan and then I'm giving a warm, wet washcloth to wipe or basically pat my area clean.
The wash cloth is all red each time. And then I have to lift myself off the pan and back onto the bed pad. I don't have any underwear on.
The next day, my OB tells me that she wants to keep me until I see the high risk OB again on July 15th. I would be discharged that morning.
I need to postpone my baby shower...it's just not gonna happen. Luckily, the restaurant is understanding and will not lose my Mom's deposit. We will just do a "meet the baby" party there sometime in the future.
My mom is worried that I'm depressed about this, but I'm not. As you know, I was worried to even have a shower because I just kept thinking I would lose the baby sometime. I thought I would do the shower after the baby is here like how some people did in the 'olden days' lol.
And now it looks like I got my previous wish.
I ask the OB if I should even shower because I did and then I bled. She laughs saying, no you can be clean. If you were in bed the ENTIRE time, you'd get blood clots.
She said there was no trigger and that just to expect to bleed again because this abruption is causing unpredictable bleeding.
And I don't have to use the bed pan anymore!!!!! Yay!! I DID not want to use it for going #2!
My insurance will only pay for a continuous 10 day stay...and since I got re-admitted within 24 hours from leaving, the stay continues from Sunday.
My 10 days will be up on next Wednesday, July 15th. I cannot get re-admitted before 24 hours have passed...I mean, I could, but insurance won't cover it.
FUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK insurance! My secondary could, but jesus, this blows.
I get three 90 minute NSTs a day. I continue to wear the clot preventing tights. I only get up to go to the bathroom and shower.
The nursing staff loves me and they get me candy and movies from RedBox. I am getting cabin fever, but I'd rather be here than at home. I'm scared to go home and bleed.
You spend all this time examining at the toilet paper when you are TTCing and now that I was pregnant, I got about 10 weeks of not looking at it.
Well, shit, I'm back examining it. The nurses have to record what it looks like and record how much I pee.
Tuesday, July 15th
I get discharged from the local hospital at 1:00. I immediately lay in bed. Tomorrow, I have the high risk OB ultrasound appointment as well as a dermatologist appointment for skin tags on my areola.
I figured it will be nice to sleep in my own bed for once!
Spoke too soon....
At 4:00, I go to the bathroom and fucking see red blood again.
I scream at my mother to tell her it's time to go back to the ER. I start to crying because this cycle is destroying me mentally.
I don't even put on a bra or get my purse. All I get is my phone charger because my iPhone is on like 28%.
I text my OB and let her know. As we are half way to the ER, she texts back to go to another hospital instead.
It's 30 minutes away.
Christ! I don't think I can mentally last a 30 minute drive and there's a shit ton of lights on the way!
We keep going because I listen to doctors.
It starts to rain so hard and I'm yelling at my mother to drive faster and she's yelling back that she can't because of the big puddles on the road. She doesn't want to wreck.
I'm glad my mom was home with me, but at this time, I wish it was my husband. I know he would drive faster...albeit possibly wreck.
I have to use my phone for the GPS and my mom's phone to call people. I need my sister to text me the number for the hospital. Since we've never been there before, I need to know EXACTLY where she should drop me off so I can run in.
I call Saint E's hospital and let them know why I'm coming, etc. I also call my high risk OB and leave a message with his answering service. He has surgical rights at Saint E's while my regular OB does not.
Since I'm 33 weeks, 4 days, Val would need the NICU anyways.
After what seems like forever, we are there and I run out and get on the elevator to the 3rd floor. I run down hallways asking where is labor and delivery and here it's a million miles from the fucking elevator.
I yell at the nurses in the nurse's station who I am and that I called earlier.
They put me in a labor and delivery room right by the station and immediately hook me up to the fetal heart and contraction monitors.
I hear his heartbeat and feel so much relief.
They start to go over my surgical history and that takes forever. They ask me what I was doing before I bled and how I know I have a 5% placenta abruption.
I really think hospitals are used to idiots who don't even know their own name or something!
They are surprised that I have spent 11 out of the last 15 days hospitalized. After some time, an OB comes in to do a speculum exam.
The pressure hurts me, but I'm used to it I guess. He swabs out the inside of my cervix and both swabs are medium red.
My high risk OB calls me on the hospital phone to talk to me and the nurses. He explains that if I bleed red tonight, the baby is coming out in an emergency C-section. They can get the baby out in less than 10 minutes.
The nurse talks to him then calls the NICU and tells them about me. And, that they should be ready for my baby too.
A nurse anesthetist comes in and hears my surgical past all over again because it really intrigues her. She is very nice and explains what goes on in a C-section:
I spend the rest of my night attached to the monitors and just have old blood. The nurses want to see my toilet paper and pad every time I go to pee. I have to leave it out on the counter so they can see if I have red blood or not.
I'm still hooked up to the IV and the monitors, so every time I get up to pee, I must be unhooked then checked once I get back in the bed. Often times, the baby moves when I'm up and not stationary. It's an annoying cycle every hour.
They discharge me the next morning because I have my high risk OB appointment at 8:30 and must go to his office for it.
I'm so nauseous from the constant bad, sleepless nights. I'm not ready for all this to happen again when I go home.
I figured it will be nice to sleep in my own bed for once!
Spoke too soon....
At 4:00, I go to the bathroom and fucking see red blood again.
I scream at my mother to tell her it's time to go back to the ER. I start to crying because this cycle is destroying me mentally.
I don't even put on a bra or get my purse. All I get is my phone charger because my iPhone is on like 28%.
I text my OB and let her know. As we are half way to the ER, she texts back to go to another hospital instead.
It's 30 minutes away.
Christ! I don't think I can mentally last a 30 minute drive and there's a shit ton of lights on the way!
We keep going because I listen to doctors.
It starts to rain so hard and I'm yelling at my mother to drive faster and she's yelling back that she can't because of the big puddles on the road. She doesn't want to wreck.
I'm glad my mom was home with me, but at this time, I wish it was my husband. I know he would drive faster...albeit possibly wreck.
I have to use my phone for the GPS and my mom's phone to call people. I need my sister to text me the number for the hospital. Since we've never been there before, I need to know EXACTLY where she should drop me off so I can run in.
I call Saint E's hospital and let them know why I'm coming, etc. I also call my high risk OB and leave a message with his answering service. He has surgical rights at Saint E's while my regular OB does not.
Since I'm 33 weeks, 4 days, Val would need the NICU anyways.
After what seems like forever, we are there and I run out and get on the elevator to the 3rd floor. I run down hallways asking where is labor and delivery and here it's a million miles from the fucking elevator.
I yell at the nurses in the nurse's station who I am and that I called earlier.
They put me in a labor and delivery room right by the station and immediately hook me up to the fetal heart and contraction monitors.
I hear his heartbeat and feel so much relief.
They start to go over my surgical history and that takes forever. They ask me what I was doing before I bled and how I know I have a 5% placenta abruption.
I really think hospitals are used to idiots who don't even know their own name or something!
They are surprised that I have spent 11 out of the last 15 days hospitalized. After some time, an OB comes in to do a speculum exam.
The pressure hurts me, but I'm used to it I guess. He swabs out the inside of my cervix and both swabs are medium red.
My high risk OB calls me on the hospital phone to talk to me and the nurses. He explains that if I bleed red tonight, the baby is coming out in an emergency C-section. They can get the baby out in less than 10 minutes.
The nurse talks to him then calls the NICU and tells them about me. And, that they should be ready for my baby too.
A nurse anesthetist comes in and hears my surgical past all over again because it really intrigues her. She is very nice and explains what goes on in a C-section:
- I get a spinal to numb me from the boobs down.
- I am awake and will feel pressure but no pain from the cutting.
- I will only be allowed 1 person back with me during the first hour and after that no one is allowed back for the recovery for a while.
- The baby will be checked over by the NICU nurses to see what he needs.
I spend the rest of my night attached to the monitors and just have old blood. The nurses want to see my toilet paper and pad every time I go to pee. I have to leave it out on the counter so they can see if I have red blood or not.
I'm still hooked up to the IV and the monitors, so every time I get up to pee, I must be unhooked then checked once I get back in the bed. Often times, the baby moves when I'm up and not stationary. It's an annoying cycle every hour.
They discharge me the next morning because I have my high risk OB appointment at 8:30 and must go to his office for it.
I'm so nauseous from the constant bad, sleepless nights. I'm not ready for all this to happen again when I go home.
High Risk OB appointment---33 weeks, 5 days
My parents pick me up from the hospital around 8:15 and since I must be wheelchaired out, it takes the nurses forever to get me out.
The OB office is only 5 minutes away, but we end up being late anyways. No biggie since we sit in the waiting room for some time anyways.
I go back for my urine sample, weight, blood pressure, and tell the nurses about my last 2 visits to the hospital.
My weight is the same and my blood pressure is still good. I'm terrified to wipe for the urine sample, but I guess it's okay since it's a doctor's office if I start to bleed again.
They do a non-stress test on me and I'm so anxious, I start to feel nauseous again.
I get off the test early and the nurse gives me water and a peppermint. All I can do is sit there and try to relax, but it's not happening.
Once in the exam room, I disrobe because he is going to do a transvaginal since I bled. He comes in after a few minutes and gives me this look like what the fuck is going on.
I give him the same look and joke that he better have good news and give me at least a 12 hour break from bleeding again.
He sees that the abruption is still at 5% and the blood blister is the same size. My cervix is 3.57 cm and still closed.
He continues to measure the baby and says that our threshold for delivery is getting lower and lower. Every time I bleed, I get closer to getting him out.
He mentions that if I want the baby out, I can say the date and he will do it. This surprises me, but makes me feel at ease. He also says that he is away this weekend, so if I can do it before or after that, that would be great.
Ummmm, ok? I have no say I think, but I guess I kinda do with him.
If I get to 35 weeks, I am okay with delivery at Jameson's hospital which is 1 minute from my house. The baby will not need NICU he says.
If I bleed before then, I am to go back to Saint E's hospital and then they will evaluate what to do.
My husband does not want me going 30 minutes away if I start to bleed: he thinks that too much can happen and he'd rather me go local, then get transferred by ambulance.
I see his point...shit has been going wrong left and right, so we wouldn't be surprised if during the drive, things got worse.
The OB office is only 5 minutes away, but we end up being late anyways. No biggie since we sit in the waiting room for some time anyways.
I go back for my urine sample, weight, blood pressure, and tell the nurses about my last 2 visits to the hospital.
My weight is the same and my blood pressure is still good. I'm terrified to wipe for the urine sample, but I guess it's okay since it's a doctor's office if I start to bleed again.
They do a non-stress test on me and I'm so anxious, I start to feel nauseous again.
I get off the test early and the nurse gives me water and a peppermint. All I can do is sit there and try to relax, but it's not happening.
Once in the exam room, I disrobe because he is going to do a transvaginal since I bled. He comes in after a few minutes and gives me this look like what the fuck is going on.
I give him the same look and joke that he better have good news and give me at least a 12 hour break from bleeding again.
He sees that the abruption is still at 5% and the blood blister is the same size. My cervix is 3.57 cm and still closed.
He continues to measure the baby and says that our threshold for delivery is getting lower and lower. Every time I bleed, I get closer to getting him out.
He mentions that if I want the baby out, I can say the date and he will do it. This surprises me, but makes me feel at ease. He also says that he is away this weekend, so if I can do it before or after that, that would be great.
Ummmm, ok? I have no say I think, but I guess I kinda do with him.
If I get to 35 weeks, I am okay with delivery at Jameson's hospital which is 1 minute from my house. The baby will not need NICU he says.
If I bleed before then, I am to go back to Saint E's hospital and then they will evaluate what to do.
My husband does not want me going 30 minutes away if I start to bleed: he thinks that too much can happen and he'd rather me go local, then get transferred by ambulance.
I see his point...shit has been going wrong left and right, so we wouldn't be surprised if during the drive, things got worse.
Bed resting
I've spent these last days totally paranoid and anxious. I cringe every time I have to wipe after I pee. I just anticipate I will see red blood.
It's totally fucking me mentally.
I had a hard time sleeping once back from the hospital. Although it was uncomfortable laying in those beds, at least I had the peace of mind knowing if something happened, I was in the best place.
Now, I'm not in the best place.
Many doctors don't want women on bedrest because generally, what's gonna happen will happen. I totally believe that considering my bleeding episodes have been unprovoked and all occurring from laying down and doing nothing.
Of course, I'm still laying on my ass. I have moved from the bedroom to the living room. My bathroom is very close and I do not have any steps to climb.
I've had pretty much 24/7 care by either my husband, father, or mother. I just am too scared to be home alone. My OB said I don't need a babysitter and I've already driven to the ER on my own, but I'm still terrified.
I feel badly that I have to boss people around to get me food, drinks, or things from other rooms, but what else can I do?
I lay on the couch and go to the bathroom. That's all I do. I did go outside a few times, but since it's been hot, I don't stay out long. I walk like an old lady too. I just cannot think to be 'normal'.
I don't know if I mentioned this previously, but I want a C-section. Yes, I understand completely what that all entails, but I've had 11 surgeries already and I get it.
I do not think I could handle hours and hours of labor. My anxiety level would be through the roof and waiting to dilate, etc would be mentally disabling.
My OB said she'd do whatever I wanted and since this is my own baby, she said a C-section is totally fine. If I was going to have more kids, then I should go for a vaginal delivery.
Plus, with how things are going, I don't have the luxury of scheduling a C-section. I think it's just gonna happen.
It's totally fucking me mentally.
I had a hard time sleeping once back from the hospital. Although it was uncomfortable laying in those beds, at least I had the peace of mind knowing if something happened, I was in the best place.
Now, I'm not in the best place.
Many doctors don't want women on bedrest because generally, what's gonna happen will happen. I totally believe that considering my bleeding episodes have been unprovoked and all occurring from laying down and doing nothing.
Of course, I'm still laying on my ass. I have moved from the bedroom to the living room. My bathroom is very close and I do not have any steps to climb.
I've had pretty much 24/7 care by either my husband, father, or mother. I just am too scared to be home alone. My OB said I don't need a babysitter and I've already driven to the ER on my own, but I'm still terrified.
I feel badly that I have to boss people around to get me food, drinks, or things from other rooms, but what else can I do?
I lay on the couch and go to the bathroom. That's all I do. I did go outside a few times, but since it's been hot, I don't stay out long. I walk like an old lady too. I just cannot think to be 'normal'.
I don't know if I mentioned this previously, but I want a C-section. Yes, I understand completely what that all entails, but I've had 11 surgeries already and I get it.
I do not think I could handle hours and hours of labor. My anxiety level would be through the roof and waiting to dilate, etc would be mentally disabling.
My OB said she'd do whatever I wanted and since this is my own baby, she said a C-section is totally fine. If I was going to have more kids, then I should go for a vaginal delivery.
Plus, with how things are going, I don't have the luxury of scheduling a C-section. I think it's just gonna happen.
DIY Nursing Tank Top
I was looking online at Old Navy and other places like Amazon and Motherhood Maternity for nursing tank tops.
There's nothing...well I mean there's nursing tank tops but most of them got shitty reviews or are like $40. Being tall, plus size and big chested, I need something that will be for me...and I almost never find it.
Add in that I cannot go out and shop to try on shit, I must rely on the internet for ideas.
Well, I went onto Pinterest and saw 2 different ways to take an old tank and modify it for nursing.
This was one way and this was the other way:
There's nothing...well I mean there's nursing tank tops but most of them got shitty reviews or are like $40. Being tall, plus size and big chested, I need something that will be for me...and I almost never find it.
Add in that I cannot go out and shop to try on shit, I must rely on the internet for ideas.
Well, I went onto Pinterest and saw 2 different ways to take an old tank and modify it for nursing.
This was one way and this was the other way:
I have 2 spaghetti strapped maternity tanks from Old Navy. I don't know what makes them maternity because they have no ruching, but they are SUPER long on me...I'm almost 6'0" tall, so if it's long on me, it will be long on many of you!
Plus they are cheap and since I'm not looking for something that will last me through several kids, I think $10 on tank top is fine. And I can reuse them to wear under cardigans for work. If they break, whatever I can sew it...I'm not out $40 and pissed.
I didn't like that the first tutorial had you cutting off the back straps and that's it. You were just supposed to not have them and the tank top was to stay up. ANYONE that has worn a strapless shirt or dress knows you are yanking up that shit constantly.
Plus that tutorial relied on you having to wear a nursing bra too. Well, that works if you are out in public, but let's be honest: I never wear a bra at home. I wanted to nurse at 3 a.m. without having a damn bra on. I do not sleep with a bra on.
All of those reasons are why the button idea was better for me.
Anyways, here's what I did:
Plus they are cheap and since I'm not looking for something that will last me through several kids, I think $10 on tank top is fine. And I can reuse them to wear under cardigans for work. If they break, whatever I can sew it...I'm not out $40 and pissed.
I didn't like that the first tutorial had you cutting off the back straps and that's it. You were just supposed to not have them and the tank top was to stay up. ANYONE that has worn a strapless shirt or dress knows you are yanking up that shit constantly.
Plus that tutorial relied on you having to wear a nursing bra too. Well, that works if you are out in public, but let's be honest: I never wear a bra at home. I wanted to nurse at 3 a.m. without having a damn bra on. I do not sleep with a bra on.
All of those reasons are why the button idea was better for me.
Anyways, here's what I did:
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OB appointment---34 weeks, 4 days
It felt weird to be out in public again...albeit I was at the hospital on Monday night for a non-stress test. The girls at my OB's office were happy to see that I was still pregnant and they told me that they've been rooting for me. Plus they haven't seen me in a month practically since I missed my last appointment due to being at the hospital.
It's really great to have that kind of support system in multiple places!
I walked into see the nurse who does my blood pressure, weight, and fetal heart rate, etc and she was asking me what was going on.
And of course, my blood pressure went up and I felt my face get hotter while I laid on the table.
My weight was 281.2 lbs, so I was glad to see if went up. Val's heart rate was in the 140s like usual and I tested negative still for proteins and glucose.
I didn't get an ultrasound because I was going to the high risk OB tomorrow, but I was disappointed. I have gotten so used to bi-monthly ultrasounds.
We spent the appointment talking about scenarios because my OB is going on vacation July 26-August 3.
If I were to bleed again, she wants me to go to Saint Elizabeth's hospital in Ohio. But if I'm bleeding a ton, I go to the 1 minute away hospital.
I told her that my husband doesn't want me to go away if I bleed no matter what the quantity: he feels it's just too much of a risk to drive 30 minutes between stop light after stop light and next thing you know I start to bleed more, pass out, or have terrible cramping, etc.
She mentioned that she does want me going past 38 weeks, so we penciled in August 7th at 37 weeks for a C section.
It feels really good to have a plan, but I totally realize it could mean shit.
It's really great to have that kind of support system in multiple places!
I walked into see the nurse who does my blood pressure, weight, and fetal heart rate, etc and she was asking me what was going on.
And of course, my blood pressure went up and I felt my face get hotter while I laid on the table.
My weight was 281.2 lbs, so I was glad to see if went up. Val's heart rate was in the 140s like usual and I tested negative still for proteins and glucose.
I didn't get an ultrasound because I was going to the high risk OB tomorrow, but I was disappointed. I have gotten so used to bi-monthly ultrasounds.
We spent the appointment talking about scenarios because my OB is going on vacation July 26-August 3.
If I were to bleed again, she wants me to go to Saint Elizabeth's hospital in Ohio. But if I'm bleeding a ton, I go to the 1 minute away hospital.
I told her that my husband doesn't want me to go away if I bleed no matter what the quantity: he feels it's just too much of a risk to drive 30 minutes between stop light after stop light and next thing you know I start to bleed more, pass out, or have terrible cramping, etc.
She mentioned that she does want me going past 38 weeks, so we penciled in August 7th at 37 weeks for a C section.
It feels really good to have a plan, but I totally realize it could mean shit.
High Risk OB appointment---34 weeks, 5 days
I couldn't sleep last night. I really tried and my mind just constantly went to different scenarios of when I bleed which hospital I'm supposed to go to. Then I was dwelling on the traffic and stop lights and bleeding out.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it was awful.
I woke up early for the appointment and felt fine. Sat in the waiting room just fine.
Now when I went back for my urine analysis, blood pressure, and weight, I was also fine.
But when I started to do the NST, I got hot, nauseous, and anxiety ridden so quickly. Then I started to cry.
The nurse got me cold water and a cold washcloth and that did help a little bit, but I just couldn't control my brain. I tried to think of things that were very generic and had nothing to do with babies, etc, but my brain has been fried.
She took me off the NST and when I went into the exam room, I went straight to the bathroom.
I was actually hoping the OB was gonna take forever to come into the exam room because I needed time to calm the fuck down.
This room was cooler so that helped and after like 5-7 minutes, I came out of the bathroom just as he was coming in. I quickly dropped my pants and underwear because he was gonna do a transvaginal again.
I told him I was feeling a lot of anxiety and he really didn't say anything.
Here's the summary of what we learned today:
I asked him if getting a C section at 37 weeks was a good idea and he agreed it was a good plan. I also asked him if babies ever get cut during a C section.
My husband had asked me that, so I thought I might as well ask him. He said that yes, that happens sometimes and it usually is when the woman has been in labor for awhile and needs an emergency C section. Most often the cuts are on the fists and scalp, but he said that if you know what you are doing, you don't end up cutting the baby.
I also asked him if my mini-lap scar would be the area he would do a C section and he said yes.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it was awful.
I woke up early for the appointment and felt fine. Sat in the waiting room just fine.
Now when I went back for my urine analysis, blood pressure, and weight, I was also fine.
But when I started to do the NST, I got hot, nauseous, and anxiety ridden so quickly. Then I started to cry.
The nurse got me cold water and a cold washcloth and that did help a little bit, but I just couldn't control my brain. I tried to think of things that were very generic and had nothing to do with babies, etc, but my brain has been fried.
She took me off the NST and when I went into the exam room, I went straight to the bathroom.
I was actually hoping the OB was gonna take forever to come into the exam room because I needed time to calm the fuck down.
This room was cooler so that helped and after like 5-7 minutes, I came out of the bathroom just as he was coming in. I quickly dropped my pants and underwear because he was gonna do a transvaginal again.
I told him I was feeling a lot of anxiety and he really didn't say anything.
Here's the summary of what we learned today:
- My cervix has thinned to 3.42 cm which is normal he said because my body is gearing up for labor.
- The placental abruption and blood blister have not changed.
- He said if I bleed even one little drop of red blood, Val is coming out.
- Val is 5 lbs and 7 oz...babies should gain 1 ounce a day, so Val gain 6 oz in 7 days
- Val has hair but it's not super long...how cute!
I asked him if getting a C section at 37 weeks was a good idea and he agreed it was a good plan. I also asked him if babies ever get cut during a C section.
My husband had asked me that, so I thought I might as well ask him. He said that yes, that happens sometimes and it usually is when the woman has been in labor for awhile and needs an emergency C section. Most often the cuts are on the fists and scalp, but he said that if you know what you are doing, you don't end up cutting the baby.
I also asked him if my mini-lap scar would be the area he would do a C section and he said yes.
Hospital Packing Lists--UPDATED
Well, my anxiety level is still very high, but I am sleeping well, so that is good.
I happened to throw up after swallowing my pills, eating some toast and drinking orange juice though. I called my high risk OB and they said if I puke again, I was to go to the hospital.
I honestly can't pinpoint why I did: it was TOAST. But after like 1 minute after finishing it, I was nauseous then puked. Felt shitty the rest of the day and paranoid to keep eating, but I did manage to eat again very cautiously.
In my spare time, I again researched the web and Pinterest for hospital back packing lists. Before all this bleeding nonsense, I had researched vaginal delivery packing lists too.
I even bought some of the stuff cuz I thought I would be all proactive about it. I can re-use it I think.
Since I go to the hospital twice a week for non-stress tests, I asked the nurses what they can give me versus what they don't. I understand that some things might have a cost associated with them and insurance might not cover it, but I've never heard from someone who got a nursing pad and then was denied it getting covered...but then again insurance are mother fuckers, so I wouldn't put it past them!
When I had my mini-laparotomy in 2009, it was basically the same thing as a laparotomy/C-section besides being a shorter incision. I went into the ovarian cyst removal thinking it was all going to be done through my belly button as a laproscopy because that's what I was told by my OB. However, when I came out of anesthesia, my OB said the cyst was too large to be removed through there, so they did a mini-lap as well. I had the CO2 gas from the lap as well as the incision and recovery was tricky because I was a surgery virgin as well.
If you see an * by something, that means that you can ask your hospital if they have it for you. That way you don't pack up this 90 lb bag and they have this shit available.
Here's the universal list that is for both types of deliveries:
C-section specific items to add on:
I happened to throw up after swallowing my pills, eating some toast and drinking orange juice though. I called my high risk OB and they said if I puke again, I was to go to the hospital.
I honestly can't pinpoint why I did: it was TOAST. But after like 1 minute after finishing it, I was nauseous then puked. Felt shitty the rest of the day and paranoid to keep eating, but I did manage to eat again very cautiously.
In my spare time, I again researched the web and Pinterest for hospital back packing lists. Before all this bleeding nonsense, I had researched vaginal delivery packing lists too.
I even bought some of the stuff cuz I thought I would be all proactive about it. I can re-use it I think.
Since I go to the hospital twice a week for non-stress tests, I asked the nurses what they can give me versus what they don't. I understand that some things might have a cost associated with them and insurance might not cover it, but I've never heard from someone who got a nursing pad and then was denied it getting covered...but then again insurance are mother fuckers, so I wouldn't put it past them!
When I had my mini-laparotomy in 2009, it was basically the same thing as a laparotomy/C-section besides being a shorter incision. I went into the ovarian cyst removal thinking it was all going to be done through my belly button as a laproscopy because that's what I was told by my OB. However, when I came out of anesthesia, my OB said the cyst was too large to be removed through there, so they did a mini-lap as well. I had the CO2 gas from the lap as well as the incision and recovery was tricky because I was a surgery virgin as well.
If you see an * by something, that means that you can ask your hospital if they have it for you. That way you don't pack up this 90 lb bag and they have this shit available.
Here's the universal list that is for both types of deliveries:
- Driver's License (didn't need)
- Insurance cards (my stuff's on file cuz I've been there 900 times, but better bring it just in case) (didn't need)
- Shampoo & conditioner*
- Body Puff: they give you washcloths and towels
- Body wash: regular & Dove: I use Dove unscented for my girly parts lol
- Face wash: yeah, I still get pimples like I'm 15
- Deodorant*
- Toothbrush & toothpaste*
- Floss
- Chap stick
- Hair Brush and Hair clips
- Hair dryer* some newer hospitals have them on the wall like hotel rooms, but don't bank on it
- Thick Maxi Pads*: you'll be bleeding more with vaginal delivery, but bleeding nonetheless (didn't need used hospital's)
- Disposable Underwear* to save your nice underwear from getting stained (didn't need use hospital's)
- Stool Softener*: pain meds are notorious constipators, so you will be in pain if you try to poop and straining yourself makes your incision worse....Suppositories work too. (didn't need used hospital's)
- Prenatal Vitamins*
- Capris/Comfy pants
- Comfy shoes
- Shirt--can just wear whatever you wore when you go into the hospital, cuz you change into a gown asap
- iPad
- iPhone and Charger
- 2 nursing tank tops
- 2 nursing bras
- Nursing Cover: when you have people visiting and you don't want them to see your boobs hanging out
- Lanolin*: for sore nipples (didn't need)
- Nursing pads*: help with boob leakage (didn't need used hospital's)
- Breast pump: the lactation expert can help you use it effectively or if you don't have one, they can help fill out the proper forms to turn into insurance (didn't need used hospital's)
- For your baby
- Car Seat with newborn insert---you cannot leave the hospital without one
- Nursing Pillow: Boppy (didn't need---actually I prefer using a king sized pillow)
- Hats, mittens, and socks: I'm on the fence about mittens but have read they scratch the shit out of their faces. Babies like to suck and sucking on fingers is natural, mittens would cover that. I need to research this more.(didn't used...newborns flail a lot, but it's not like their faces gets so horribly scratched)
- Newborn pacifier: I don't intend of giving pacifiers cuz I'm breastfeeding. La Leche League says that pacifiers used with BFing can cause confusion. I pretend pacifiers don't exist: I believe they cause speech delays...I have no research to back it up of course, just experiences. Also, I feel if your baby is crying, you need to check his basic needs before shoving a plastic thing in his mouth.
- Noise machine: Since medical staff come in and out of your room to check up on you. (didn't need)
- Going home outfit
- Other onesies for photo ops if you want
- Canvas Tote bag: to bring home any loose presents, pamphlets you get, etc
- Diapers, diaper rash cream, swaddling blankets, and baby lotions are all there at the hospital. If you insist on your own shit, then bring it, but I'm not. Glad I didn't: our day going home, we had a ton of shit besides the stuff we brought since people gave gifts.
C-section specific items to add on:
- Abdominal Band*: Some people swear they use this to feel less pain or support their incision site. It hurts to laugh, cough or sneeze and this band applies some pressure to the area. Otherwise, you would need to press a pillow there if you feel a laugh, cough, or sneeze coming on. When I asked, the nurse said my OB would suture and glue and therefore, I didn't NEED one. They do have them at the hospital if she were to write orders I needed one. I did notice with my mini-lap that it did bleed a little bit, but that was probably due to me doing too much. This particular brand would cost me $60 and I'm not getting one, but of course as soon as I say that, then I would need it! (didn't need)
- Granny Panties: Since the incision is right at were bikini brief underwear start, it can rub and irritate the shit out of your new incision. The high waisted granny panties help avoid that. (didn't need my scar was fine with the bikini style underwear I wear since it was below their line)
Vaginal Delivery add ons:
Little things you can do or don't have to obviously
1. Razor and Shaving gel: I don't care about my legs and my pits can wait a few days til I get home.
2. Snacks: they have stuff at the hospital, but if you want shit, just bring it
3. Thank you gift: I plan on ordering them a pizza platter and just getting that delivered to the floor
- Dermoblast Pain relieving spray for your vaginal area*: blue can only...not red can
- Tucks pads: to relieve pain & discomfort
- Perinatal Cooling Pads: You can make them or buy them. I actually started to buy all the ingredients and some i had already. Now I can still use the pads or aloe vera gel, so I'm not out a shit ton of money. But anyways, click on the title and this woman's blog can tell you how to make them and put them in the freezer. If you need an episiotomy like I read that most women do, these are supposed to be awesome.
Little things you can do or don't have to obviously
1. Razor and Shaving gel: I don't care about my legs and my pits can wait a few days til I get home.
2. Snacks: they have stuff at the hospital, but if you want shit, just bring it
3. Thank you gift: I plan on ordering them a pizza platter and just getting that delivered to the floor
High Risk OB appt---35 weeks, 5 days
I didn't get anxious at this appointment: probably because I knew it was my last one here. I brought the staff a dozen donuts and they were very appreciative.
My weight went up from 281 to 284. I was surprised, but hoped that indicative that Val has grown a lot!
Blood pressure was good and again, no proteins or anything in my urine.
The NST went good too and before I knew it I was in the exam room. They must've been really quick today for it was only 1 hour past appointment time. Sometimes I'm at this office for several hours.
It was a transvaginal ultrasound again: the OB said the abruption and the blood blister clot looked the same as it's been, so that made me happy.
He said Val had chubby cheeks and longer, wavy hair! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have super straight hair and my husband's hair is naturally very curly even though he cuts it really short.
The OB couldn't tell what color the hair was though and he kinda laughed when I asked: hey, I was just curious!
Val wasn't 6 pounds yet, so I was disappointed. He was 5 lbs 14 oz, so close.
His abdominal circumference went down from 21% to 13% and my OB said that's good he's coming out next week.
I asked him about where the baby was positioned, cuz again I was just curious.
If you are looking down from my point of view, Val is looking at my right leg. His spine is on the left side of my bellybutton and legs are under my right boob.
My weight went up from 281 to 284. I was surprised, but hoped that indicative that Val has grown a lot!
Blood pressure was good and again, no proteins or anything in my urine.
The NST went good too and before I knew it I was in the exam room. They must've been really quick today for it was only 1 hour past appointment time. Sometimes I'm at this office for several hours.
It was a transvaginal ultrasound again: the OB said the abruption and the blood blister clot looked the same as it's been, so that made me happy.
He said Val had chubby cheeks and longer, wavy hair! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have super straight hair and my husband's hair is naturally very curly even though he cuts it really short.
The OB couldn't tell what color the hair was though and he kinda laughed when I asked: hey, I was just curious!
Val wasn't 6 pounds yet, so I was disappointed. He was 5 lbs 14 oz, so close.
His abdominal circumference went down from 21% to 13% and my OB said that's good he's coming out next week.
I asked him about where the baby was positioned, cuz again I was just curious.
If you are looking down from my point of view, Val is looking at my right leg. His spine is on the left side of my bellybutton and legs are under my right boob.
Pre-Admisson Phone Call
I got a call from the hospital wanting to go over my pre-surgery information for my C section on Thursday, August 6th.
SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?
I thought it was Friday, the 7th!
I mean it's only a day difference, but jeez, I started to freak out!
My regular OB is on vacation until Monday, but I called and left a message on their machine just making sure that the hospital got the right date.
I mean, I'll do whatever date she wants me to do, but since it was different, I want to make sure it's accurate.
I am to get more pre-admission testing done on Tuesday or Wednesday; I imagine blood work and filling out forms.
SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?
I thought it was Friday, the 7th!
I mean it's only a day difference, but jeez, I started to freak out!
My regular OB is on vacation until Monday, but I called and left a message on their machine just making sure that the hospital got the right date.
I mean, I'll do whatever date she wants me to do, but since it was different, I want to make sure it's accurate.
I am to get more pre-admission testing done on Tuesday or Wednesday; I imagine blood work and filling out forms.