It's May: Mother's Day & my 32nd bday...yay
Well, we should be getting the fetal testing results back from Natera on Tuesday, May 6th.
I literally cannot wait.
So much is riding on this plus my husband and my's testing.
Will we have a chromosomal mutation? Will we ever get a normal embryo? Are my 3 frozen embies normal or abnormal? Do we pay the $4,000 and then additional money for PGD?
Ughhhhhhhh
I literally cannot wait.
So much is riding on this plus my husband and my's testing.
Will we have a chromosomal mutation? Will we ever get a normal embryo? Are my 3 frozen embies normal or abnormal? Do we pay the $4,000 and then additional money for PGD?
Ughhhhhhhh
1st HCG after D&C
Well, it's Saturday, May 3rd and I did my bloodwork today. It was 489. I'm thinking that that's a good number.
Part of me wonders if that's because I didn't get a higher HCG as the baby developed because it didn't develop?
Now is it because there was no fetal pole meaning that it never developed right? So my HCG didn't rise really high I'm thinking.
I dunno. Just speculating I guess.
Part of me wonders if that's because I didn't get a higher HCG as the baby developed because it didn't develop?
Now is it because there was no fetal pole meaning that it never developed right? So my HCG didn't rise really high I'm thinking.
I dunno. Just speculating I guess.
Getting ready for next year's taxes
So, it's Sunday, May 4th and I felt like I should do something productive with my time on my hands here.
I actually started working out again yesterday: I did T-25 Cardio and lifted legs. I plan on continuing it too. I gained 20-30 lbs on IVF meds. My pants don't fit and it sucks to still have to wear the Bella Band like I'm still pregnant. Ughhhh
I am cutting back on what I eat and using the weight watchers chart and My Fitness Pal app on my phone to kinda track it. Maybe I will be lighter for the next IVF cycle. I hope at least.
It's day 8 after the D&C and I'm still spotting, but not really enough for a liner.
Anyways, I figured I'd get shit ready for taxes, cuz I'll forget if I don't type it out and save it.
So I went on Pinterest and found this site: Printable Tax Worksheet. And of course, my old Office 2003 wanted to download a compatibility pack and then it wouldn't work.
So I just went to Excel and did it like I do my husband's for he is a boilermaker and works everywhere.
I made one spreadsheet called "IVF mileage".
I included the Date, From, To, For, and Miles. Don't forget if it's a round trip to double your miles. This is where Google is your friend and you can literally find the miles in a second from your house to the office.
So far we have logged in 4,517 miles...holy shit!
Next, I made a spread sheet that was called "IVF meds expenses".
Now if you don't have your receipts, you should call your pharmacy and ask them to send you the invoices etc. I had to do that with CVS Caremark.
I didn't spend much in meds because luckily the co-pays covered most except Menopur and Rhogam shot. I spent:
$1,373.29.
I actually started working out again yesterday: I did T-25 Cardio and lifted legs. I plan on continuing it too. I gained 20-30 lbs on IVF meds. My pants don't fit and it sucks to still have to wear the Bella Band like I'm still pregnant. Ughhhh
I am cutting back on what I eat and using the weight watchers chart and My Fitness Pal app on my phone to kinda track it. Maybe I will be lighter for the next IVF cycle. I hope at least.
It's day 8 after the D&C and I'm still spotting, but not really enough for a liner.
Anyways, I figured I'd get shit ready for taxes, cuz I'll forget if I don't type it out and save it.
So I went on Pinterest and found this site: Printable Tax Worksheet. And of course, my old Office 2003 wanted to download a compatibility pack and then it wouldn't work.
So I just went to Excel and did it like I do my husband's for he is a boilermaker and works everywhere.
I made one spreadsheet called "IVF mileage".
I included the Date, From, To, For, and Miles. Don't forget if it's a round trip to double your miles. This is where Google is your friend and you can literally find the miles in a second from your house to the office.
So far we have logged in 4,517 miles...holy shit!
Next, I made a spread sheet that was called "IVF meds expenses".
Now if you don't have your receipts, you should call your pharmacy and ask them to send you the invoices etc. I had to do that with CVS Caremark.
I didn't spend much in meds because luckily the co-pays covered most except Menopur and Rhogam shot. I spent:
$1,373.29.
Then I made another spread sheet called "IVF expenses". In this one, I put the costs of the cycles and if I got an invoice like when my insurance covered part of the saline sonogram, but I still owed them $52.61.
Now, I will eventually do one for "IVF tolls" since we traveled on many toll roads. But my husband has the log in information on that and he's working night shift, so I'm not gonna bug him. I will just get it later and print out the receipts from the PA EZ pass website.
Check these out and maybe they can help you get organized. It seriously isn't that hard if you've kept your receipts and stuff. Now they will all open in Excel 2003. So if you have a newer version, they will still open.
Now, I will eventually do one for "IVF tolls" since we traveled on many toll roads. But my husband has the log in information on that and he's working night shift, so I'm not gonna bug him. I will just get it later and print out the receipts from the PA EZ pass website.
Check these out and maybe they can help you get organized. It seriously isn't that hard if you've kept your receipts and stuff. Now they will all open in Excel 2003. So if you have a newer version, they will still open.
ivf_mileage_example.xls | |
File Size: | 24 kb |
File Type: | xls |
ivf_meds_expenses_example.xls | |
File Size: | 14 kb |
File Type: | xls |
ivf_charges_example.xls | |
File Size: | 13 kb |
File Type: | xls |
Sharing my Story and Messages
I was able to answer some questions for Attain Fertility. I like them on Facebook and they posted my interview.
Here it is:
Julie's Story of Strength
Also, Shady Grove did another one of their blog posts and include my info in it.
Shady Grove NIAW messages
Here it is:
Julie's Story of Strength
Also, Shady Grove did another one of their blog posts and include my info in it.
Shady Grove NIAW messages
Results from the Genetic Testing
So my RE called me today with the results.
It was ANOTHER fluke.
It was a girl. :-(
She had Trisomy 16. It is random and not inherited. It is the most common miscarriage that occurs in boys and girls and is ALWAYS fatal.
"A trisomy is an extra autosome chromosome, so that the resulting fetus would have 47 chromosomes instead of 46. Of these, trisomy 16 is most common and is uniformly lethal."
"The most frequent single chromosome anomaly seen is a single X chromosome (Monosomy X, or Turner’s Syndrome)."
Check out this site to look at more about Recurrent Pregnancy Loss.
So we have had the two most common chromosomal abnormalities.
My RE thinks that the odds of the other embryos being abnormal will be rare.
He said we could test them though.
Here's the plan:
1. Get HCG down to 0....(He thinks it will be under 100 on Friday)
2. Go on birth control
3. Get another saline sonogram to check for polyps
4. Get genetic testing done on both of us to check for any abnormalities
5. Do a frozen transfer in June/July...(test them or not test?)
We can do 1 then, 2 OR 2, then 1. I am leaning towards transferring 1. I am nervous about twins. I have had several friends have issues with an incompetent cervix and the twins passing. That to me is a lot to handle and after losing 2 singletons, I think losing twins would definitely put me in the loony bin.
I already made an appointment to add a hot pink 4-24-14 to my tattoo. I will be getting that done on May 20th.
It was ANOTHER fluke.
It was a girl. :-(
She had Trisomy 16. It is random and not inherited. It is the most common miscarriage that occurs in boys and girls and is ALWAYS fatal.
"A trisomy is an extra autosome chromosome, so that the resulting fetus would have 47 chromosomes instead of 46. Of these, trisomy 16 is most common and is uniformly lethal."
"The most frequent single chromosome anomaly seen is a single X chromosome (Monosomy X, or Turner’s Syndrome)."
Check out this site to look at more about Recurrent Pregnancy Loss.
So we have had the two most common chromosomal abnormalities.
My RE thinks that the odds of the other embryos being abnormal will be rare.
He said we could test them though.
Here's the plan:
1. Get HCG down to 0....(He thinks it will be under 100 on Friday)
2. Go on birth control
3. Get another saline sonogram to check for polyps
4. Get genetic testing done on both of us to check for any abnormalities
5. Do a frozen transfer in June/July...(test them or not test?)
We can do 1 then, 2 OR 2, then 1. I am leaning towards transferring 1. I am nervous about twins. I have had several friends have issues with an incompetent cervix and the twins passing. That to me is a lot to handle and after losing 2 singletons, I think losing twins would definitely put me in the loony bin.
I already made an appointment to add a hot pink 4-24-14 to my tattoo. I will be getting that done on May 20th.
2nd HCG test
I got my 2nd HCG done on Friday, May 9th. It was 68! Yayy!
I didn't keep track the last time I had a D&C, so I don't remember how fast it came down before.
I am still spotting. Very light and not enough for a liner, but enough when I wipe, I'm annoyed.
I didn't keep track the last time I had a D&C, so I don't remember how fast it came down before.
I am still spotting. Very light and not enough for a liner, but enough when I wipe, I'm annoyed.
Radio Ad for Shady Grove
So I saw on Facebook that Shady Grove was offering $250 for a 70-75 word radio ad.
I had a really hard time getting it to 75 words or less! Jeez!
The first time I did it, it was around 150 words. Cutting back was difficult. This is what I came up with:
(Different women's/men's voices speaking)
"Just relax and you'll get pregnant!"
"Take a vacation...it worked for us!"
(Announcer's voice)
Have you been trying to conceive for 6 months or longer?
Shady Grove Fertility Center understands the struggle of infertility and miscarriage. With over 2,400 babies born per year compared to the national average of 130, Shady Grove Fertility Center will make your dream of having a family come true.
Shady Grove Fertility Center....where families start.
I don't know if I'll win the money, but I figured, what the hell? lol
I had a really hard time getting it to 75 words or less! Jeez!
The first time I did it, it was around 150 words. Cutting back was difficult. This is what I came up with:
(Different women's/men's voices speaking)
"Just relax and you'll get pregnant!"
"Take a vacation...it worked for us!"
(Announcer's voice)
Have you been trying to conceive for 6 months or longer?
Shady Grove Fertility Center understands the struggle of infertility and miscarriage. With over 2,400 babies born per year compared to the national average of 130, Shady Grove Fertility Center will make your dream of having a family come true.
Shady Grove Fertility Center....where families start.
I don't know if I'll win the money, but I figured, what the hell? lol
Mother's Day
So here's another day, another holiday I cannot truly celebrate.
Ughhhhh
Facebook just reminds me how much I fail.
I know I am seeing most people's highlight reel and I refuse to be like that. Life has good, bad, and ugly. Most on Facebook like to focus on the good: new car, new baby, new job, new clothes, etc.
I like to do both: I post pics of when I go out and I posted this photo.
I think people should know that life is not all cotton candy and lollipops.
Reminders for those who forget or just don't know.
I literally know people in these boats:
1. Those who are infertile.
2. Those who've spent tens of thousands to get pregnant.
3. Those who have given up.
4. Those who've lost 1 or more singletons.
5. Those who've lost twins.
6. Those who've had a stillborn.
7. And I have a friend who's son was murdered.
Yes, fucked up. There is so many people that I draw my strength and resilience from. There are many more people out there hurting: hurting from memories and futures that were cut short.
It just sucks. I don't know what else to say besides it's messed up that most people remember a holiday for mother's, fail to include those listed above. We are here. Among those who've adopted and become foster parents...there is not traditional road to becoming a family and I think people should be reminded of that.
Off my soap box now lol.
Ughhhhh
Facebook just reminds me how much I fail.
I know I am seeing most people's highlight reel and I refuse to be like that. Life has good, bad, and ugly. Most on Facebook like to focus on the good: new car, new baby, new job, new clothes, etc.
I like to do both: I post pics of when I go out and I posted this photo.
I think people should know that life is not all cotton candy and lollipops.
Reminders for those who forget or just don't know.
I literally know people in these boats:
1. Those who are infertile.
2. Those who've spent tens of thousands to get pregnant.
3. Those who have given up.
4. Those who've lost 1 or more singletons.
5. Those who've lost twins.
6. Those who've had a stillborn.
7. And I have a friend who's son was murdered.
Yes, fucked up. There is so many people that I draw my strength and resilience from. There are many more people out there hurting: hurting from memories and futures that were cut short.
It just sucks. I don't know what else to say besides it's messed up that most people remember a holiday for mother's, fail to include those listed above. We are here. Among those who've adopted and become foster parents...there is not traditional road to becoming a family and I think people should be reminded of that.
Off my soap box now lol.
One more issue...wtf
So here's what came in my email yesterday. A fucking Happy Mother's Day email from my fertility clinic. The place where I spent over $22,000 already.
The ONLY place that I should feel comfortable in.
I have had 2 problems recently from the woman patient at the Harrisburg office, then those nurses at the surgery center, and now this.
I called about this because it is unacceptable. I get that people make mistakes and sent out group emails to the wrong people, but jeez, what the fuck.
I got called from 2 staff members: one was the supervisor and the other was the one who sent out the email to the wrong patient group.
Both women were extremely embarrassed and apologetic about the mass email. They had said other people called too about these emails. I explained to them that with Mother's Day, my birthday coming up, a recent D&C and bad experience at the surgery center, then that bitch at the Harrisburg office, it just sent me over the edge.
I mean what the fuck?!? Can I get a fucking break? This is ridiculous.
My RE called me too and apologized even though he had nothing to do with it. I told him that I seriously feel like I've been shit on: I write blog posts on their website, featured in a newsletter, and then wrote the radio ad...and they have all my money. I have nothing, but pain, heartache, and paranoia from them.
They did say on the phone, that they are glad that I spoke up about this. I told them that is who I am. I do speak up. And my RE even said that they commented that I "tell how I feel". Well, no shit, I do!
What will come of this? Well they promised me they'd step up their security measures for emails and from my letter for the surgery center, they would be reminded again about how they are working in a sensitive environment. My RE even said that he's commented that they should just remove the curtains and then maybe the nurses will be quiet.
Infertility and baby loss are such mind fucks.
The ONLY place that I should feel comfortable in.
I have had 2 problems recently from the woman patient at the Harrisburg office, then those nurses at the surgery center, and now this.
I called about this because it is unacceptable. I get that people make mistakes and sent out group emails to the wrong people, but jeez, what the fuck.
I got called from 2 staff members: one was the supervisor and the other was the one who sent out the email to the wrong patient group.
Both women were extremely embarrassed and apologetic about the mass email. They had said other people called too about these emails. I explained to them that with Mother's Day, my birthday coming up, a recent D&C and bad experience at the surgery center, then that bitch at the Harrisburg office, it just sent me over the edge.
I mean what the fuck?!? Can I get a fucking break? This is ridiculous.
My RE called me too and apologized even though he had nothing to do with it. I told him that I seriously feel like I've been shit on: I write blog posts on their website, featured in a newsletter, and then wrote the radio ad...and they have all my money. I have nothing, but pain, heartache, and paranoia from them.
They did say on the phone, that they are glad that I spoke up about this. I told them that is who I am. I do speak up. And my RE even said that they commented that I "tell how I feel". Well, no shit, I do!
What will come of this? Well they promised me they'd step up their security measures for emails and from my letter for the surgery center, they would be reminded again about how they are working in a sensitive environment. My RE even said that he's commented that they should just remove the curtains and then maybe the nurses will be quiet.
Infertility and baby loss are such mind fucks.
Orders for bloodwork
I'll have to get these done when my HCG is done to below 5. I go again tomorrow, Friday, May 16th. My husband got orders to just get the Karotype done.
Here's some websites to check out. I had to Google these cuz I wasn't familiar with them:
http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2006/07/testing-for-recurrent-pregnancy-loss/
http://www.sharedjourney.com/define/lac.html
http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/recurrent-miscarriage
Here's some websites to check out. I had to Google these cuz I wasn't familiar with them:
http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2006/07/testing-for-recurrent-pregnancy-loss/
http://www.sharedjourney.com/define/lac.html
http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/recurrent-miscarriage
3rd HCG result
So it's Sunday, May 18th and I called today about my HCG since I had never heard from Shady Grove. I guess my hospital lab never called them? Weird.
Anyways, they tracked it down and it was 11.4!
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Only an infertile would be excited to have an HCG level be down low!
I am hoping I can start birth control this weekend since I think it will be down under 5. I'm hoping at least!
Anyways, they tracked it down and it was 11.4!
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Only an infertile would be excited to have an HCG level be down low!
I am hoping I can start birth control this weekend since I think it will be down under 5. I'm hoping at least!
Updating the tat
I went on Tuesday, May 20th to update my tattoo. It is kinda red now since it is new, but it will change to a magenta color.
I got this tattoo done at Artistic Dermagraphics with Jack. They are based in Youngstown, Ohio.
I am very pleased with this tattoo and have received a lot of compliments on it.
When I first pinned it on Pinterest, it got so many repins. I feel badly that so many women and men are experiencing loss. But I am proud that they like my tattoo and feel that it can help them memorialize loss.
I love my tattoo and although I thought that I would never ever add to it, here I am like a year and a half later getting another pink date.
I got this tattoo done at Artistic Dermagraphics with Jack. They are based in Youngstown, Ohio.
I am very pleased with this tattoo and have received a lot of compliments on it.
When I first pinned it on Pinterest, it got so many repins. I feel badly that so many women and men are experiencing loss. But I am proud that they like my tattoo and feel that it can help them memorialize loss.
I love my tattoo and although I thought that I would never ever add to it, here I am like a year and a half later getting another pink date.
HCG is now under 5! Yay!
So my HCG on May 26th was 3.4! Sweet! Finally under 5 and negative!!
This made my weekend.
So from start to finish:
April 26th---D&C
May 26th---negative HCG
4 weeks to get down to negative...awesome!
Now I just wait for my good ol' period to come.
This made my weekend.
So from start to finish:
April 26th---D&C
May 26th---negative HCG
4 weeks to get down to negative...awesome!
Now I just wait for my good ol' period to come.
Recurrent Pregnancy Loss testing
I found out from my nurse that we can get the RPL bloodwork done as soon as my HCG was under 5. So we went today May 28th.
Of course as soon as I sit down in the hospital lab waiting room, I hear a fucking lullaby.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So my hospital plays a lullaby everytime there is a baby born.
Yes. They do...EVERYTIME.
I have heard this only 3 times in the countless hospital visits:
1st time: when waking up in the recovery room after D&C #1
2nd time: a week later when getting bloodwork to see if my HCG is dropping
3rd time: today getting my RPL panel done
After my D&C in 2012, I cried instantly and the nursing staff there told me to bitch. They literally said that I had to complain because they have complained and the "head" of the maternity ward won't change it.
So I complained and of course, the head of the maternity ward said it was "tradition" and that "people love to hear the lullaby".
Uhhhhhh, I replied with "Not people waking up after getting their baby scraped out of their uterus"
Do I bitch again? Yeah, I think that I might.
It just strikes a chord that I cannot really put into words how this affects you. It just is instant tears.
Well, I finish up crying and then after 15 minutes of waiting the secretary says that our karotypes are not done with their lab. So we have to go to LabCorp and get it done.
Oh and they close at 4:30...and I don't get home until 4:30 of course. Now, we are going to go there on Saturday morning since they are idiots and close early lol.
Of course as soon as I sit down in the hospital lab waiting room, I hear a fucking lullaby.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So my hospital plays a lullaby everytime there is a baby born.
Yes. They do...EVERYTIME.
I have heard this only 3 times in the countless hospital visits:
1st time: when waking up in the recovery room after D&C #1
2nd time: a week later when getting bloodwork to see if my HCG is dropping
3rd time: today getting my RPL panel done
After my D&C in 2012, I cried instantly and the nursing staff there told me to bitch. They literally said that I had to complain because they have complained and the "head" of the maternity ward won't change it.
So I complained and of course, the head of the maternity ward said it was "tradition" and that "people love to hear the lullaby".
Uhhhhhh, I replied with "Not people waking up after getting their baby scraped out of their uterus"
Do I bitch again? Yeah, I think that I might.
It just strikes a chord that I cannot really put into words how this affects you. It just is instant tears.
Well, I finish up crying and then after 15 minutes of waiting the secretary says that our karotypes are not done with their lab. So we have to go to LabCorp and get it done.
Oh and they close at 4:30...and I don't get home until 4:30 of course. Now, we are going to go there on Saturday morning since they are idiots and close early lol.