So, yeah, Facebook sucks
This sign is what should be on Facebook if you are infertile.
I know this post is going to come across as mean, bitter, and rude. Guess what? I don't deny I am any of those things when it comes to infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. This is how I feel: not everyone feels this way, but I KNOW that many people do. I truly feel you should understand how I feel if you've experienced it. If you have not experienced baby loss or infertility, you might not understand why Facebook a minefield. I am still going to talk therapy. I am off my Prozac and Ativan because of this FET. So if you are thinking I'm crazy, lol, yes I might be but I'm getting help. haha |
But why?
You are not pregnant. You can't get pregnant. You were pregnant. You lost your baby.
Any of those things will make you feel certain ways. I am happy for those people who can look at Facebook and especially pregnancy announcements with smiles on their faces.
I'm not one of those people. Maybe someday I will be.
I have personally experienced too much shit and have seen many of my friends experience the WORST in life. Stillborns, losing twins, and experiencing loss after loss after loss.
It sucks.
But those who think we are too sensitive are kinda right: we see your naviety and happiness as stupidity and a slap in the face. We have tried, paid, cried, yelled, and tried our damn best to get to where we would feel safe enough to post about a baby coming.
You know those baby announcements pictures of your shoes, with your husband's shoes, and then a little pair of shoes with the month and year on it? Don't even get me started on those baby bump progressions with the chalk boards.
We might've done that. We might've thought about doing that.
But then something happened that was horrific. That dream was destroyed within a matter of seconds.
I did do the baby bump photos for my first pregnancy, but it was for me and my husband. He was adamant I didn't post a thing. I was naive never once thinking I would lose my baby girl. Never once.
I'm not saying that those who post about being pregnant are naive: yes, some if not most are! You don't know if they too experience infertility and loss.
In my personal experiences, they have not. They don't understand what anxiety plagues you at your 8 week ultrasound as you hold your breath to whether there's a heartbeat or not.
Any of those things will make you feel certain ways. I am happy for those people who can look at Facebook and especially pregnancy announcements with smiles on their faces.
I'm not one of those people. Maybe someday I will be.
I have personally experienced too much shit and have seen many of my friends experience the WORST in life. Stillborns, losing twins, and experiencing loss after loss after loss.
It sucks.
But those who think we are too sensitive are kinda right: we see your naviety and happiness as stupidity and a slap in the face. We have tried, paid, cried, yelled, and tried our damn best to get to where we would feel safe enough to post about a baby coming.
You know those baby announcements pictures of your shoes, with your husband's shoes, and then a little pair of shoes with the month and year on it? Don't even get me started on those baby bump progressions with the chalk boards.
We might've done that. We might've thought about doing that.
But then something happened that was horrific. That dream was destroyed within a matter of seconds.
I did do the baby bump photos for my first pregnancy, but it was for me and my husband. He was adamant I didn't post a thing. I was naive never once thinking I would lose my baby girl. Never once.
I'm not saying that those who post about being pregnant are naive: yes, some if not most are! You don't know if they too experience infertility and loss.
In my personal experiences, they have not. They don't understand what anxiety plagues you at your 8 week ultrasound as you hold your breath to whether there's a heartbeat or not.
Decisions
Social media has exploded in the last several years. It is only natural that the urge to overshare is so easy if not natural. Well everyone is posting, so why not me?
Others would think that it's a double standard if I post about my dog or my Little Sister from Big Brothers Big Sisters.
I feel it is not the same: my pet is alive here with me. My Little Sister is alive with me.
Your baby is not yet with you. It is in your body and heart and mind, but it is not in your arms.
We crave that: getting pregnant is not enough...we want a live birth.
You expect the worst after hearing the worst. Then it happens again.
Or you are on the other side, where you never can get pregnant. You just wait and wait and wait.
Do you post when you get pregnant? Do you wait until 12 weeks? Are you safe then? When are you safe? My friend lost her daughter at 39 weeks, 4 days due to cord strangulation. She had the shower, the baby clothes, the cribs, and painted nursery. She NEVER once posted on Facebook about it since she was struggling and got pregnant in her first round of IVF.
Well, then when do you post you are pregnant? From my experiences and my friends, the answer is NEVER.
I like when I see people post their baby photo and I never knew they were pregnant. Did they have problems or did they just think it was oversharing to post baby bump photos? Bad luck ready to jinx? I'll never know.
What I do know: I will not post a pregnancy announcement ever. I will not post bump pics. I have been hurt by seeing it and I know if I did it, it could hurt. I don't think I get a "free pass" since I have experienced loss and pain.
You think I will change my mind: Nope. Been pregnant twice and never did it. I don't even want a baby shower before the baby is born. I just can't deal with it until the baby is in my arms alive.
I wish I knew what most pregnant women think about. I wish I knew how it felt to have a live birth that didn't cost a penny to get there. We have spent over $30,000 and 5 years of our lives in pursuit of our dream. It is still in the works as I sit back and watch others "get theirs".
Jealousy, envy, anger, and bitterness.
Others would think that it's a double standard if I post about my dog or my Little Sister from Big Brothers Big Sisters.
I feel it is not the same: my pet is alive here with me. My Little Sister is alive with me.
Your baby is not yet with you. It is in your body and heart and mind, but it is not in your arms.
We crave that: getting pregnant is not enough...we want a live birth.
You expect the worst after hearing the worst. Then it happens again.
Or you are on the other side, where you never can get pregnant. You just wait and wait and wait.
Do you post when you get pregnant? Do you wait until 12 weeks? Are you safe then? When are you safe? My friend lost her daughter at 39 weeks, 4 days due to cord strangulation. She had the shower, the baby clothes, the cribs, and painted nursery. She NEVER once posted on Facebook about it since she was struggling and got pregnant in her first round of IVF.
Well, then when do you post you are pregnant? From my experiences and my friends, the answer is NEVER.
I like when I see people post their baby photo and I never knew they were pregnant. Did they have problems or did they just think it was oversharing to post baby bump photos? Bad luck ready to jinx? I'll never know.
What I do know: I will not post a pregnancy announcement ever. I will not post bump pics. I have been hurt by seeing it and I know if I did it, it could hurt. I don't think I get a "free pass" since I have experienced loss and pain.
You think I will change my mind: Nope. Been pregnant twice and never did it. I don't even want a baby shower before the baby is born. I just can't deal with it until the baby is in my arms alive.
I wish I knew what most pregnant women think about. I wish I knew how it felt to have a live birth that didn't cost a penny to get there. We have spent over $30,000 and 5 years of our lives in pursuit of our dream. It is still in the works as I sit back and watch others "get theirs".
Jealousy, envy, anger, and bitterness.
Advice?
The best thing you can do for your sanity is to hide them from your newsfeed. From my experiences, those who get pregnant will post about it the majority of the time. Once the baby is born, you can decide whether you care to see more photos or what.
Perhaps, you will think that these photos give you hope: I don't feel that way.
I do hope that one day I can find a way to deal with it besides the easy "Stay off of Facebook" answer.
The bitter infertile is still in me and probably always will.
Perhaps, you will think that these photos give you hope: I don't feel that way.
I do hope that one day I can find a way to deal with it besides the easy "Stay off of Facebook" answer.
The bitter infertile is still in me and probably always will.