Val is 2 months old!
I'm still crying everyday...I cry even more when I talk to my friends who are still struggling.
When I look into Val's eyes, he laughs, or smiles, I cry because I want every infertile person to feel what I'm feeling: true love and joy.
It's so painful...the lonely road of either not getting pregnant or getting pregnant and losing it all.
I'm hearing that I am giving some of you hope.
HOPE---a 4 letter word not often said in dealing with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss
Other 4 letter words I've uttered have always been in anger, sadness, and disappointment.
I never saw the light at the end of the tunnel: I hated the loss of control of my body, mind, and future.
I was ready to give up on everything after doing PGS testing on my embryos: I said if they were all abnormal, that I was totally done.
It felt good to finally have a decision with all this unknown shit going on.
Looking back now, I was in a money back guarantee...I had completed 2 fresh cycles and was ready to give up? I have never heard of a place doing a 6 fresh cycles and unlimited frozen cycle guarantee like Shady Grove.
I was so stupid & jaded: I took the temporary pain of shots and annoyance of 4 hour drives deter me from my dream. No doubt it will never erase the emotional pain I have endured, but the other pains are gone.
Please don't give up on your dream of having a child!
I know this is WAY easier said than done, but whatever obstacle you face, keep pushing at it.
Don't have the money for IVF?
Have endo, PCOS, misshapen uterus, or blocked tubes?
Not sure what the problem is or have multiple miscarriages?
I know it's not as black and white as all of that: sometimes, you have everything figured out and it just doesn't work out.
My heart breaks for everyone facing these problems...I do know that infertiles are the STRONGEST people because we have been shit on time and time again and get right back up.
We might take breaks from the battles, but we don't give up on the war.
Here's great open letter to women of infertility everywhere. I dare you to read that letter and not cry: EVERY single line resonates with us...this entire process is universal.
When I look into Val's eyes, he laughs, or smiles, I cry because I want every infertile person to feel what I'm feeling: true love and joy.
It's so painful...the lonely road of either not getting pregnant or getting pregnant and losing it all.
I'm hearing that I am giving some of you hope.
HOPE---a 4 letter word not often said in dealing with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss
Other 4 letter words I've uttered have always been in anger, sadness, and disappointment.
I never saw the light at the end of the tunnel: I hated the loss of control of my body, mind, and future.
I was ready to give up on everything after doing PGS testing on my embryos: I said if they were all abnormal, that I was totally done.
It felt good to finally have a decision with all this unknown shit going on.
Looking back now, I was in a money back guarantee...I had completed 2 fresh cycles and was ready to give up? I have never heard of a place doing a 6 fresh cycles and unlimited frozen cycle guarantee like Shady Grove.
I was so stupid & jaded: I took the temporary pain of shots and annoyance of 4 hour drives deter me from my dream. No doubt it will never erase the emotional pain I have endured, but the other pains are gone.
Please don't give up on your dream of having a child!
I know this is WAY easier said than done, but whatever obstacle you face, keep pushing at it.
Don't have the money for IVF?
- Put it on a credit card, personal loan, save up, or do the most you can do with your budget (Clomid, IUI's)
- I have an $800 a month credit card/loan bill. Sucks? Sure it does, but I have a baby.
Have endo, PCOS, misshapen uterus, or blocked tubes?
- Get the procedures and medications you need: biopsy and test the shit out of any tissue they take. Push for tissue testing and don't take "Oh we don't do that" as your answer...your insurance pays for it!
- I didn't have these issues, but got polyps from fertility meds
Not sure what the problem is or have multiple miscarriages?
- Get RPL bloodwork and pursue PGS testing for your embryos in IVF: I honestly think that is the only way unexplained infertility can be solved or if you've had miscarriages without D&C fetal tissue testing.
- This was what finally worked for me: learning my eggs can't replicate DNA properly when they combine with sperm. I had 2 D&C's and got the fetal material tested both times. The 3rd miscarriage occurred naturally.
I know it's not as black and white as all of that: sometimes, you have everything figured out and it just doesn't work out.
My heart breaks for everyone facing these problems...I do know that infertiles are the STRONGEST people because we have been shit on time and time again and get right back up.
We might take breaks from the battles, but we don't give up on the war.
Here's great open letter to women of infertility everywhere. I dare you to read that letter and not cry: EVERY single line resonates with us...this entire process is universal.
Infertile New Mom Anxiety
I realize every new mom gets anxiety, but I feel like infertiles are different.
I finally got what I wanted and like history, I'm terrified it's going to repeat itself.
I didn't touch on this in previous posts because I had so much to say and little time to type it.
I've experienced a ton of anxiety and fear that something will happen to Val and it will be my fault.
I've brushed up on everything you'd think you could know about a baby: I've waited so long that I must be perfect right? I realize being perfect is unattainable, but since I am off work until January, I have months and months to get everything "right".
It could be part of my personality: I'm very goal oriented and do nothing to stop at my goal. Playing 4 sports in high school and competing in 1 in college will do that to you: I've succeeded at things only because of my drive and persistence.
That is why beating infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss consumed me.
I know when you have your child, you will most likely be the same. I know other fertiles are like this, but I wonder if they are like it with all their children? Since Val will be my only child, it is because of that too?
I dunno. I haven't gotten a chance to get back to talk therapy, but I want to pursue that question.
Learning how to use the strollers, car seats, swings, cribs, pack n play, etc was very high anxiety for me because I wanted to make sure I was using them PERFECTLY. Babies out grow their things so quickly, so I knew I had to be on top of how I was using them properly. The car seat was the one I researched the hardest for it can save his life, so this website made me feel better with it's videos and photos.
The anxiety also grew from the fact that he didn't get his first vaccines until 1 month, so I kept at home to avoid he getting exposed to germs. It was also part of the recommendations of my pediatrician for all newborns. I was a hermit and that was okay for me because I could control his environment. He wasn't around strangers to get germs. I had my parents, brother, husband, and mother-in-law get the Tdap vaccine to protect Val from pertussis, tetanus, and diphtheria. I had gotten it too obviously.
But also, I didn't have to worry about traveling with him, thinking about where to breastfeed him, change his diaper, etc. Those things plagued my mind because I know society is not happy with crying babies and breastfeeding. I'm totally comfortable at home whipping out my boob to feed him but I know society doesn't feel the same way.
Here's some other things I do that might seem "over the top":
1. He cries: I make sure I do everything I can to make him happy. Luckily, Val is very easy going and not colicky. When Val got his 2 month vaccines, he was fine...until 5 hours later and he was screaming when I touched his legs. My parents were over helping me out and I was crying because he was crying. I couldn't make his pain go away and that killed me. Some Tylenol and 30 minutes later, he was fine. My mother told me this happens when you have kids, but my anxiety was heightened because I thought I'm a horrible mother to let my child be sore. When he cries during car rides and I'm by myself, I pull over wherever is safest. I cannot stand to hear him cry and every time, he cried because he was hot or hungry.
2. Diapers: I definitely change his diapers him far more often than what is recommended. I feel like I wouldn't be comfortable in my own mess (even though diapers are absorbent). I realize diapers cost less than 20 cents, so why wouldn't I change him practically every hour? When I would see Val's onesie had a wet spot on the back, I tried my damnest to figure out why. Making sure his pee pee was downward didn't resolve it and I found that Pampers diapers don't work with him. After trying Honest brand, Luvs, and Huggies, Luvs were the best and did very little leaks.
3. Tummy time: It is recommended that babies spend a ton of time on their stomachs to develop their neck muscles and other motor skills. You just don't lay your kid down and then walk away. You need to interact with them. Babies notoriously despise being on their stomachs, so most people don't do a lot of tummy time because of this. No joke, I googled the SHIT out of tummy time exercises and found a TON of things to do. Part of it is myself playing so many sports and doing a ton of PT for my hips...I value exercise and it's importance. So, I basically run a physical therapy center: my parents have said that I'm nuts with how much we do, but I have the time, energy, and realize it's importance, so we do it. The second he cries, we stop...my secret (well not really secret) is that we do tummy time for a small amount of time frequently...and if he doesn't cry, we keep going. Some times it's 1-2 minutes and other times it's over 6-7 minutes. After every single diaper change during the day, we do tummy time. We do it in the living room on the floor, on the bed, on an exercise ball, on my legs...etc. There are ton of places to do tummy time. I don't do anything during the night time when he wakes up of course. This website rocks for ideas...look on Pinterest too. We also do on the back time with toys above him and I lay him on his side to look into a full length body mirror I have laid on the floor. This also helps avoid a misshapen head.
4. Clothes: If he gets a small amount of spit up on him, boom, new outfit. If I don't like how the outfit feels, we don't wear it. I feel like life is too short to be in stuff that is annoying just because it looks cute. I don't wear things just because they are cute. I can say this because I received a ton of hand-me-downs, so we have a lot of clothing.
5. Holding him: I hold him...yes, a lot. If we are not doing exercises, I am holding him. All other things that need done like laundry or dishes go to the back burner. I feel badly if I'm doing something and in the beginning, I wasn't eating often because I didn't want to put him down if he was awake. I felt like that was neglectful. Now, I understand that I need to eat often to get calories to make him good milk and have energy to keep up with him all day and at night. So, I do put him in the rock n play while I make food to eat. I try to do all chores when he is napping...I am still working on feeling guilty if I don't interact with him 24/7. My husband said babies need a break from that and I'm not leaving him alone for hours on end, but I feel like 10 minutes is too long to leave him awake in a swing.
6. Monitor: I got the AngelCare Video Movement and Sound Monitor that has a sensor pad that goes under the mattress. I use it in the pack n play. So what it does is makes an alarm if there is no movement or breathing after 20 seconds. Has it had false alarms? Yes, I've had at least 4. And yes, and that has scared the shit out of me in the middle of the night, I jump outta bed so quickly. I have emailed the company and did some trouble shooting with the representative and only recently, they are sent me a new pad because she thinks mine is too sensitive, so that is why it was going off. The pack n play is right next to my bed, so he is only an arm's reach away. I love the night vision on this monitor because I lay with the receiver next to me in bed, so I can see him without getting out of bed.
7. Pediatricians: I switched pediatricians because I did not like the practices of the original one. Some of things they did included:
Now the new place is the total opposite! I had heard good things about them from my cousin.
First thing off the bat: the receptionist was infertile and was asking me about fertility treatments! What a hard job to have and be around little babies and kids! However, I'm glad I'm there because she said I gave her hope it can work out.
The new doctor was very hands on to Val and was tickling him and giggling! I love seeing doctors interact and not look at their damn computer and type the whole time! Be a human!
I finally got what I wanted and like history, I'm terrified it's going to repeat itself.
I didn't touch on this in previous posts because I had so much to say and little time to type it.
I've experienced a ton of anxiety and fear that something will happen to Val and it will be my fault.
I've brushed up on everything you'd think you could know about a baby: I've waited so long that I must be perfect right? I realize being perfect is unattainable, but since I am off work until January, I have months and months to get everything "right".
It could be part of my personality: I'm very goal oriented and do nothing to stop at my goal. Playing 4 sports in high school and competing in 1 in college will do that to you: I've succeeded at things only because of my drive and persistence.
That is why beating infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss consumed me.
I know when you have your child, you will most likely be the same. I know other fertiles are like this, but I wonder if they are like it with all their children? Since Val will be my only child, it is because of that too?
I dunno. I haven't gotten a chance to get back to talk therapy, but I want to pursue that question.
Learning how to use the strollers, car seats, swings, cribs, pack n play, etc was very high anxiety for me because I wanted to make sure I was using them PERFECTLY. Babies out grow their things so quickly, so I knew I had to be on top of how I was using them properly. The car seat was the one I researched the hardest for it can save his life, so this website made me feel better with it's videos and photos.
The anxiety also grew from the fact that he didn't get his first vaccines until 1 month, so I kept at home to avoid he getting exposed to germs. It was also part of the recommendations of my pediatrician for all newborns. I was a hermit and that was okay for me because I could control his environment. He wasn't around strangers to get germs. I had my parents, brother, husband, and mother-in-law get the Tdap vaccine to protect Val from pertussis, tetanus, and diphtheria. I had gotten it too obviously.
But also, I didn't have to worry about traveling with him, thinking about where to breastfeed him, change his diaper, etc. Those things plagued my mind because I know society is not happy with crying babies and breastfeeding. I'm totally comfortable at home whipping out my boob to feed him but I know society doesn't feel the same way.
Here's some other things I do that might seem "over the top":
1. He cries: I make sure I do everything I can to make him happy. Luckily, Val is very easy going and not colicky. When Val got his 2 month vaccines, he was fine...until 5 hours later and he was screaming when I touched his legs. My parents were over helping me out and I was crying because he was crying. I couldn't make his pain go away and that killed me. Some Tylenol and 30 minutes later, he was fine. My mother told me this happens when you have kids, but my anxiety was heightened because I thought I'm a horrible mother to let my child be sore. When he cries during car rides and I'm by myself, I pull over wherever is safest. I cannot stand to hear him cry and every time, he cried because he was hot or hungry.
2. Diapers: I definitely change his diapers him far more often than what is recommended. I feel like I wouldn't be comfortable in my own mess (even though diapers are absorbent). I realize diapers cost less than 20 cents, so why wouldn't I change him practically every hour? When I would see Val's onesie had a wet spot on the back, I tried my damnest to figure out why. Making sure his pee pee was downward didn't resolve it and I found that Pampers diapers don't work with him. After trying Honest brand, Luvs, and Huggies, Luvs were the best and did very little leaks.
3. Tummy time: It is recommended that babies spend a ton of time on their stomachs to develop their neck muscles and other motor skills. You just don't lay your kid down and then walk away. You need to interact with them. Babies notoriously despise being on their stomachs, so most people don't do a lot of tummy time because of this. No joke, I googled the SHIT out of tummy time exercises and found a TON of things to do. Part of it is myself playing so many sports and doing a ton of PT for my hips...I value exercise and it's importance. So, I basically run a physical therapy center: my parents have said that I'm nuts with how much we do, but I have the time, energy, and realize it's importance, so we do it. The second he cries, we stop...my secret (well not really secret) is that we do tummy time for a small amount of time frequently...and if he doesn't cry, we keep going. Some times it's 1-2 minutes and other times it's over 6-7 minutes. After every single diaper change during the day, we do tummy time. We do it in the living room on the floor, on the bed, on an exercise ball, on my legs...etc. There are ton of places to do tummy time. I don't do anything during the night time when he wakes up of course. This website rocks for ideas...look on Pinterest too. We also do on the back time with toys above him and I lay him on his side to look into a full length body mirror I have laid on the floor. This also helps avoid a misshapen head.
4. Clothes: If he gets a small amount of spit up on him, boom, new outfit. If I don't like how the outfit feels, we don't wear it. I feel like life is too short to be in stuff that is annoying just because it looks cute. I don't wear things just because they are cute. I can say this because I received a ton of hand-me-downs, so we have a lot of clothing.
5. Holding him: I hold him...yes, a lot. If we are not doing exercises, I am holding him. All other things that need done like laundry or dishes go to the back burner. I feel badly if I'm doing something and in the beginning, I wasn't eating often because I didn't want to put him down if he was awake. I felt like that was neglectful. Now, I understand that I need to eat often to get calories to make him good milk and have energy to keep up with him all day and at night. So, I do put him in the rock n play while I make food to eat. I try to do all chores when he is napping...I am still working on feeling guilty if I don't interact with him 24/7. My husband said babies need a break from that and I'm not leaving him alone for hours on end, but I feel like 10 minutes is too long to leave him awake in a swing.
6. Monitor: I got the AngelCare Video Movement and Sound Monitor that has a sensor pad that goes under the mattress. I use it in the pack n play. So what it does is makes an alarm if there is no movement or breathing after 20 seconds. Has it had false alarms? Yes, I've had at least 4. And yes, and that has scared the shit out of me in the middle of the night, I jump outta bed so quickly. I have emailed the company and did some trouble shooting with the representative and only recently, they are sent me a new pad because she thinks mine is too sensitive, so that is why it was going off. The pack n play is right next to my bed, so he is only an arm's reach away. I love the night vision on this monitor because I lay with the receiver next to me in bed, so I can see him without getting out of bed.
7. Pediatricians: I switched pediatricians because I did not like the practices of the original one. Some of things they did included:
- Did group appointments: Yes, you read that right. I didn't know this until his 2 week appointment. I go back to the exam room and they ask me to come back to their kitchenette. I go back and sit with 2 other couples and their babies for a 30 minute speech on things you should do with the baby. Then after that, he gets weighed, measured, and the doctor sees him for his "wellness" checkup.
- Wasn't 100% supportive of exclusively breastfeeding: He wanted me to start giving Val bottles from day one, but I did not. It can cause nipple confusion amongst other things_. The only time he got a bottle early was when I HAD to go to the ER for my nausea and dry heaving after the C-section. Luckily, he got back on the boobs just fine!
- Starting fluoride immediately: my juvenile dentist said not until 6 months at the earliest. Shit, even the Rx box said don't give under the age of 6 months! We called the office to make sure CVS gave us the proper meds. My husband saw that fluoride toxicity is possible and I worried he wouldn't like my milk once squirting an awful medicine in his mouth. After one dose, I quit doing it because my husband was adamant about it. I told the doctor this and got a speech on how kid's teeth can be bad and need oral surgery. Giving a 1 week old fluoride, so when his teeth come in their not bad, it so dumb. Teeth quality is due to genetics and hygiene. If he is only drinking milk, his teeth will be fine. Some people said I should lie and say I'm doing fluoride, but that is not me. I don't want to lie about giving medication when I am firmly against it!
- Made a comment that Val gained 4 lbs from when he left the hospital to his 1 month appointment when he should've only gained 2 lbs: I was pissed because that shows he loves my milk, my husband and I are huge people, so whatever...I'd rather have a premature baby gain weight than lose it!
- Made a comment about how "fat kids don't get picked to play sports or be popular": Ummmm, being fat is the least of my concerns with Val. "Fat" people can play sports and who cares about popularity? Meanwhile, I am considered obese, yet excelled at sports. I don't judge myself by what the scale says for I do not look like my weight number.
- Started solid foods at 1 month: It is recommended kids start 4-6 months, when they are developmentally ready. But this doctor does it early to help with kids getting used to eating off spoons and have less allergies. So, I did start him on rice and oatmeal cereal and I was miserable. I had to pump one ounce of milk to mix in and with me exclusively breastfeeding, it was a pain in the ass. Plus he spit it out all of it every time and I quit after 3 weeks before moving to the new pediatrician
- Wanted Tylenol before shots: Tylenol before shots masks any reactions but also can possibly make shots less potent. Most babies react with a high temperature. 5 hours after, his legs were very sore when touched and he screamed. No fever though. I called the new doctor and they recommended a half dose of Tylenol and that did the the trick.
- Office worker: When I would go into the office, one of the receptionists was bitchy.
Now the new place is the total opposite! I had heard good things about them from my cousin.
First thing off the bat: the receptionist was infertile and was asking me about fertility treatments! What a hard job to have and be around little babies and kids! However, I'm glad I'm there because she said I gave her hope it can work out.
The new doctor was very hands on to Val and was tickling him and giggling! I love seeing doctors interact and not look at their damn computer and type the whole time! Be a human!
National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day/Month
Now, I know many people are not open and comfortable discussing infertility and baby loss, but if you're on the fence about sharing, please think about doing so.
I wouldn't have the strength to keep pushing if I didn't know other women were in my shoes. All it took was for me to share with a few people and quickly, I found one or two other people that experienced the same.
They too are often afraid to share for many reasons.
However, every time I've shared and connected with another infertile and bond is created. It's a horrible club to be a part of, but we are in it.
You don't have to share on Facebook...you don't have to share to your family...maybe just share with one close friend.
And don't be let down if they do say those trite things we all hear: "Just relax", "It's in God's plan", "Things happen for a reason", "Why don't you just adopt?", etc etc
Because we ALL have heard that shit.
And even if you don't have a snappy comeback...hey I didn't in the beginning...you at least let out a very, very difficult experience.
You might feel better, or you might feel worse...but don't let 1 or 2 people's ignorant comments make you feel like YOU did something wrong or something is wrong with YOU.
YOU DID NOTHING TO MAKE YOUR BODY ACT LIKE THIS!!! It is what it is!
My eggs suck...I can't beat myself up about it.
If you shared with 10 different people, you'd be surprised maybe 1 or 2 of them would have the similar experiences.
Share with me! You know I won't judge...but please, don't suffer in silence.
Think about starting talk therapy because it is soooo important you do not stew at home and let it eat away at you. It did that to me, and therapy won't just erase the wounds...but it will help you better cope with them.
Because if you don't get it out to either a friend, family member, or co-worker, it might eat away at you. It's a HUGE thing to swallow and the more you release, the more you feel better and the more other people get that horrible things can happen to people and empathy can grow.
I'm not looking for change overnight: my BFF Vicki commented to me that when she posted about infant loss on Facebook, no one commented.
I believe it is due to people not experiencing it and therefore, not feeling the empathy towards you and this horrific, life altering experience.
Or maybe they do not want to acknowledge that this shit happens and it's better they just scroll past? It makes people uncomfortable and that makes them not want to understand.
That sucks.
Facebook is so narcissistic and unless you are posting selfies or photos of your food, many people will look at your post and move on.
I wouldn't have the strength to keep pushing if I didn't know other women were in my shoes. All it took was for me to share with a few people and quickly, I found one or two other people that experienced the same.
They too are often afraid to share for many reasons.
However, every time I've shared and connected with another infertile and bond is created. It's a horrible club to be a part of, but we are in it.
You don't have to share on Facebook...you don't have to share to your family...maybe just share with one close friend.
And don't be let down if they do say those trite things we all hear: "Just relax", "It's in God's plan", "Things happen for a reason", "Why don't you just adopt?", etc etc
Because we ALL have heard that shit.
And even if you don't have a snappy comeback...hey I didn't in the beginning...you at least let out a very, very difficult experience.
You might feel better, or you might feel worse...but don't let 1 or 2 people's ignorant comments make you feel like YOU did something wrong or something is wrong with YOU.
YOU DID NOTHING TO MAKE YOUR BODY ACT LIKE THIS!!! It is what it is!
My eggs suck...I can't beat myself up about it.
If you shared with 10 different people, you'd be surprised maybe 1 or 2 of them would have the similar experiences.
Share with me! You know I won't judge...but please, don't suffer in silence.
Think about starting talk therapy because it is soooo important you do not stew at home and let it eat away at you. It did that to me, and therapy won't just erase the wounds...but it will help you better cope with them.
Because if you don't get it out to either a friend, family member, or co-worker, it might eat away at you. It's a HUGE thing to swallow and the more you release, the more you feel better and the more other people get that horrible things can happen to people and empathy can grow.
I'm not looking for change overnight: my BFF Vicki commented to me that when she posted about infant loss on Facebook, no one commented.
I believe it is due to people not experiencing it and therefore, not feeling the empathy towards you and this horrific, life altering experience.
Or maybe they do not want to acknowledge that this shit happens and it's better they just scroll past? It makes people uncomfortable and that makes them not want to understand.
That sucks.
Facebook is so narcissistic and unless you are posting selfies or photos of your food, many people will look at your post and move on.
Val's 2 week professional photos
Yes, he had these done on August 21st, but I recently got the CD. It was $350 for 2 hours and unlimited outfits.
I went to a woman that does photography for a living. Her house was about 50 minutes away, so I have to re-think about scheduling again since it was hard to do that long of a car ride.
But who knows at 6 months or whatever: he might love car rides more! It's really hard to drive and have him cry!
Anyways, since I bought the CD, I could order images from wherever and in whatever size I want.
Two sites I use are Walgreens and Mpix. I wait for Walgreens to have 40%-50% codes and Mpix, I waited until they had 50% off large prints and ordered 20x20, 10x20, and 12x18 sized prints.
I ordered his birth announcements from Walgreens and used 40% off.
I bought frames from Art to Frames. I was thinking the sight was sketchy cuz it was cheap, but the frames are great and came quickly!
I went to a woman that does photography for a living. Her house was about 50 minutes away, so I have to re-think about scheduling again since it was hard to do that long of a car ride.
But who knows at 6 months or whatever: he might love car rides more! It's really hard to drive and have him cry!
Anyways, since I bought the CD, I could order images from wherever and in whatever size I want.
Two sites I use are Walgreens and Mpix. I wait for Walgreens to have 40%-50% codes and Mpix, I waited until they had 50% off large prints and ordered 20x20, 10x20, and 12x18 sized prints.
I ordered his birth announcements from Walgreens and used 40% off.
I bought frames from Art to Frames. I was thinking the sight was sketchy cuz it was cheap, but the frames are great and came quickly!
How to organize a small house for a baby
We have a smaller house: it is 1 1/2 story Cape Cod with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom.
We have Val's nursery upstairs, but I don't feel comfortable carrying him up and down the steps yet since he is little. Plus it is recommended you sleep in the same room as your child for the first 6 months of their lives. Definitely not sleeping in the same bed of course---that is extremely dangerous!
Some of you have been asking about how I am organized now that Val is settled in.
Having a picture perfect nursery is a fairy tale! I am showing you what works for me and my house layout.
I will never lie on my blog and make it seem like I'm some amazing person...I'm just as real as you are. And although it might look messy or hoarder-ish, I spend a shit ton of my time with my son and don't dick around about having a perfect house cuz that will never end, but his time being little will end as he grows up!
Anywho, here's what the set up looks like in my living room and my bedroom.
We have Val's nursery upstairs, but I don't feel comfortable carrying him up and down the steps yet since he is little. Plus it is recommended you sleep in the same room as your child for the first 6 months of their lives. Definitely not sleeping in the same bed of course---that is extremely dangerous!
Some of you have been asking about how I am organized now that Val is settled in.
Having a picture perfect nursery is a fairy tale! I am showing you what works for me and my house layout.
I will never lie on my blog and make it seem like I'm some amazing person...I'm just as real as you are. And although it might look messy or hoarder-ish, I spend a shit ton of my time with my son and don't dick around about having a perfect house cuz that will never end, but his time being little will end as he grows up!
Anywho, here's what the set up looks like in my living room and my bedroom.
Routines & Schedules
I don't have Val on a schedule... I don't think it's developmentally appropriate nor recommended...and Dr. Sears (known pediatrician) agrees!
In my opinion, forcing a baby to do what you want them to do because it's convenient for you is against their nature.
You have a baby...you just deal with how they are! And you adapt!
Especially since I am breast-feeding on demand...he gets the milk whenever he wants! I don't withhold it from him if it's been too soon since his last feeding. Like I don't say "oh well, it's only been an hour, you can wait to drink."
I have had people say he "nurses too much": guess what? There is no such thing! It's normal and expected. Val gained 4 lbs in one month because I nursed him when he wanted fed. He wasn't a fat baby: he was 3 weeks early and gained double what is expected. He is happy and healthy! Yayyy!!
I've waited too damn long to think I'm spending too much time feeding my baby: my house can wait, my showering can wait, me exercising, etc etc.
It's not about me and even though I do need some me time, I don't need/want a lot.
He has a routine kind of: just patterns I've noticed.
In the first 4 weeks, there was no predictability to how he would react, sleep, eat, etc. Plus I would sleep in as long as I could with his routine, so I can maximize the most sleep.
Now, it's not 100% predictable, but he's falling into patterns and I'm recognizing it. I can take the routine and treat it like gettting up for a job: you need to be ready before you go to "work". Although I know this is hard taking care of a baby, but I wouldn't complain about it to anyone since I understand how lucky I am!
I do bath him every 3rd day, so I guess that is scheduled. lol
In my opinion, forcing a baby to do what you want them to do because it's convenient for you is against their nature.
You have a baby...you just deal with how they are! And you adapt!
Especially since I am breast-feeding on demand...he gets the milk whenever he wants! I don't withhold it from him if it's been too soon since his last feeding. Like I don't say "oh well, it's only been an hour, you can wait to drink."
I have had people say he "nurses too much": guess what? There is no such thing! It's normal and expected. Val gained 4 lbs in one month because I nursed him when he wanted fed. He wasn't a fat baby: he was 3 weeks early and gained double what is expected. He is happy and healthy! Yayyy!!
I've waited too damn long to think I'm spending too much time feeding my baby: my house can wait, my showering can wait, me exercising, etc etc.
It's not about me and even though I do need some me time, I don't need/want a lot.
He has a routine kind of: just patterns I've noticed.
In the first 4 weeks, there was no predictability to how he would react, sleep, eat, etc. Plus I would sleep in as long as I could with his routine, so I can maximize the most sleep.
Now, it's not 100% predictable, but he's falling into patterns and I'm recognizing it. I can take the routine and treat it like gettting up for a job: you need to be ready before you go to "work". Although I know this is hard taking care of a baby, but I wouldn't complain about it to anyone since I understand how lucky I am!
I do bath him every 3rd day, so I guess that is scheduled. lol
Here's a sample of some things that might occur:
1. Val gets up in the middle of the night 1-3 times, change diaper, nurses, goes right back to sleep...He has had times where he was sleeping for 7 hours straight
2. I get up around 6:45 or 7:00 a.m. Bring baby monitor with me everywhere.
3. Val is officially awake between 8 am-9:30 am: I can see his open eyes on the monitor. I don't wait until he cries because crying is a late warning to him needing attention. Everything that I have left to do that Ididnt get done bis put on the back burner.
4. Hold Val or nurse depending on his mood
5. After about 1 1/2 hours, I change diaper, tummy time on bed, play time on back, tummy time in living room, nurse him. It could be sooner than that depending on what is going on with him. And sometimes, I go right to nursing first.
He might have a mid morning nap on the king size pillow I use to nurse him on.
6. That pattern keeps repeating until I have lunch around 12 or 1
7. I put him in the Rock n Play portable bassinet thingy and make food to eat. If he cries, I stop eating and figure out why.
After 1 1/2 hours....same thing...I change diaper, tummy time on bed, play time on back, tummy time in living room, nurse him
If it's nice out, I take him for a stroller ride or out to take dog out to pee/poop wearing him in the Beco Gemini infant carrier.
He might have a mid-afternoon nap on the king size pillow I use to nurse him on.
8. Dinner around 6 or so.
Same pattern repeats, but we do less tummy time as the night goes on so he can wind down.
9. Around 8 or 9 o'clock, he starts feeding more often.
10. He falls asleep officially between 10-11 pm.
11. I finish doing any dishes, laundry, weights, abs, or push ups.
If he naps during the day, it's usually on my king sized pillow and I don't move him unless I absolutely have too. He wakes easily, so I transfer him to the Glider Swing or Rock n Play bassinet. When he naps on the pillow, he naps on his side since he most often falls asleep after nursing and not randomly.
His naps can be from 1 minute to several hours and there's no way to predict them. Since I am on my own, I don't have time to do cardio and be sweaty during one of his naps. I used to try to do cardio, but it was like he sensed when I was getting my sports bra on and would wake up as soon as I started exercising. Also, my boobs hurts, so I would wear 3 bras to work out and I just realized it was stupid.
He has had long naps where I can use the vaccuum cleaner or sweep up the laminate flooring. Those are not weekly things that I probably could be doing, but my house is not a disaster, so I don't have the OCD to clean it weekly with the vaccum/cleaner.
If he naps and it seems like it's going to be awhile, I can update the blog since I keep the computer next to me..I just don't have the use of 2 hands though! One hand is usually holding him!
I'm sure other people have figured out when to do cardio, but if my husband was here and watching Val too, it would be different, but it's not like that.
Oh well! It's not all about me!
1. Val gets up in the middle of the night 1-3 times, change diaper, nurses, goes right back to sleep...He has had times where he was sleeping for 7 hours straight
2. I get up around 6:45 or 7:00 a.m. Bring baby monitor with me everywhere.
- I shower.
- Let dog out to pee. Watch her through kitchen window.
- Eat breakfast and take vitamins.
- Let dog back in for her pills.
- Throw in any laundry loads, fold clothes, put away dishes, or load dishwasher.
- Clean up couch area where I sit.
- Do abs, pushups, and lift weights...if I have time
- Blow dry hair...if I have time.
3. Val is officially awake between 8 am-9:30 am: I can see his open eyes on the monitor. I don't wait until he cries because crying is a late warning to him needing attention. Everything that I have left to do that Ididnt get done bis put on the back burner.
- Change diaper and clothes
- Tummy time on bed
- Play time on back on living room floor
- Tummy time in living room on exercise ball or Boppy pillows.
4. Hold Val or nurse depending on his mood
- If I'm holding him, I hold him as long as I can until he needs something different
- I read him a story, talk to him, sing him songs, etc.
- If I'm nursing, it's like 10-15 minutes
5. After about 1 1/2 hours, I change diaper, tummy time on bed, play time on back, tummy time in living room, nurse him. It could be sooner than that depending on what is going on with him. And sometimes, I go right to nursing first.
He might have a mid morning nap on the king size pillow I use to nurse him on.
6. That pattern keeps repeating until I have lunch around 12 or 1
7. I put him in the Rock n Play portable bassinet thingy and make food to eat. If he cries, I stop eating and figure out why.
After 1 1/2 hours....same thing...I change diaper, tummy time on bed, play time on back, tummy time in living room, nurse him
If it's nice out, I take him for a stroller ride or out to take dog out to pee/poop wearing him in the Beco Gemini infant carrier.
He might have a mid-afternoon nap on the king size pillow I use to nurse him on.
8. Dinner around 6 or so.
Same pattern repeats, but we do less tummy time as the night goes on so he can wind down.
9. Around 8 or 9 o'clock, he starts feeding more often.
10. He falls asleep officially between 10-11 pm.
11. I finish doing any dishes, laundry, weights, abs, or push ups.
If he naps during the day, it's usually on my king sized pillow and I don't move him unless I absolutely have too. He wakes easily, so I transfer him to the Glider Swing or Rock n Play bassinet. When he naps on the pillow, he naps on his side since he most often falls asleep after nursing and not randomly.
His naps can be from 1 minute to several hours and there's no way to predict them. Since I am on my own, I don't have time to do cardio and be sweaty during one of his naps. I used to try to do cardio, but it was like he sensed when I was getting my sports bra on and would wake up as soon as I started exercising. Also, my boobs hurts, so I would wear 3 bras to work out and I just realized it was stupid.
He has had long naps where I can use the vaccuum cleaner or sweep up the laminate flooring. Those are not weekly things that I probably could be doing, but my house is not a disaster, so I don't have the OCD to clean it weekly with the vaccum/cleaner.
If he naps and it seems like it's going to be awhile, I can update the blog since I keep the computer next to me..I just don't have the use of 2 hands though! One hand is usually holding him!
I'm sure other people have figured out when to do cardio, but if my husband was here and watching Val too, it would be different, but it's not like that.
Oh well! It's not all about me!
Empathy
For the last several years, I have really been feeling a ton of empathy towards people with special needs.
I have really strong feelings that overwhelm me because I truly understand how difficult "normal" things can be to those with disabilities.
Since having miscarriages and embryos test with chromosomal abnormalities, I feel even more strongly about this.
Just watching the Today show today, I saw a piece about a mom and her daughter with Rett's syndrome.
I couldn't help me but instantly cry.
The mom was explaining how her daughter was doing fine but then around 7 months, she was not hitting gross motor milestones. She was not moving her arms and hands much either.
A blood test proved her daughter had Rett's syndrome and most often would lose total control of her limbs. The mother cried saying how all she wants in the world is a hug from her daughter.
Commence the waterworks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This hits home because of the findings of my own personal baby history:
August 2012---natural pregnancy with miscarriage at 8 weeks, 2 days to Monosomy X (Turner's syndrome).
April 2014 IVF #1---Transferred one---miscarriage at 7 weeks, 2 days to Trisomy 16.
August 2014 FET #1---Transferred two---1 implanted then, miscarriage at 6 weeks, 1 day to unknown cause MOST likely both were abnormal embryos.
Then when we did PGS testing, I found out even more:
All of these abnormalities are typically fatal or if they were born, they'd had severe disabilities or not live long.
1 embryo was missing a chromosome from number 9, so it is called Monosomy 9.
1 embryo was missing a chromosome from number 2, so it is called Monosomy 2.
1 embryo from my first cycle in March was missing a chromosome from number 4, so it is called Monosomy 4.
1 embryo had 2 issues: the +18 means that it had an extra chromosome on number 18. That is called a Trisomy and it was Edward's syndrome. Embryos with Edward's syndrome can be born to term, but most often are miscarried. Those born don't live past a week or a year with severe disabilities. How horrible! It had Monosomy 10 as well.
Val was my only normal embryo.
I cannot fathom ever having another pregnancy....because I have the foresight to understand my eggs are most likely abnormal.
I have really strong feelings that overwhelm me because I truly understand how difficult "normal" things can be to those with disabilities.
Since having miscarriages and embryos test with chromosomal abnormalities, I feel even more strongly about this.
Just watching the Today show today, I saw a piece about a mom and her daughter with Rett's syndrome.
I couldn't help me but instantly cry.
The mom was explaining how her daughter was doing fine but then around 7 months, she was not hitting gross motor milestones. She was not moving her arms and hands much either.
A blood test proved her daughter had Rett's syndrome and most often would lose total control of her limbs. The mother cried saying how all she wants in the world is a hug from her daughter.
Commence the waterworks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This hits home because of the findings of my own personal baby history:
August 2012---natural pregnancy with miscarriage at 8 weeks, 2 days to Monosomy X (Turner's syndrome).
April 2014 IVF #1---Transferred one---miscarriage at 7 weeks, 2 days to Trisomy 16.
August 2014 FET #1---Transferred two---1 implanted then, miscarriage at 6 weeks, 1 day to unknown cause MOST likely both were abnormal embryos.
Then when we did PGS testing, I found out even more:
All of these abnormalities are typically fatal or if they were born, they'd had severe disabilities or not live long.
1 embryo was missing a chromosome from number 9, so it is called Monosomy 9.
1 embryo was missing a chromosome from number 2, so it is called Monosomy 2.
1 embryo from my first cycle in March was missing a chromosome from number 4, so it is called Monosomy 4.
1 embryo had 2 issues: the +18 means that it had an extra chromosome on number 18. That is called a Trisomy and it was Edward's syndrome. Embryos with Edward's syndrome can be born to term, but most often are miscarried. Those born don't live past a week or a year with severe disabilities. How horrible! It had Monosomy 10 as well.
Val was my only normal embryo.
I cannot fathom ever having another pregnancy....because I have the foresight to understand my eggs are most likely abnormal.