HOLY SHIT
This is totally my face.
I still cannot believe it.
It is Friday, April 4th. My IVF #1 beta is 329.
Wow.
My nurse asked me if I was a 'good girl' and didn't take a home test. Ummmmm, yeah I didn't! Go me! LOL
I will have to go on Monday and Wednesday for more betas to see if that number is doubling.
Then I will make my 6 weeks ultrasound appointment around Easter.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I still cannot believe it.
It is Friday, April 4th. My IVF #1 beta is 329.
Wow.
My nurse asked me if I was a 'good girl' and didn't take a home test. Ummmmm, yeah I didn't! Go me! LOL
I will have to go on Monday and Wednesday for more betas to see if that number is doubling.
Then I will make my 6 weeks ultrasound appointment around Easter.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Rainbow baby
2 of my work friends saw a rainbow today on their way home. Both of them don't know about Rainbow babies and I thought it was neat that they texted me that they saw one.
This gives me the chills!!!
My 2nd beta on April 7th was 613. Although this number did not double, my nurse said it is increasing just fine. I was kinda worried, but now I am fine about this number.
It's weird once you get all involved with the specifics and numbers that you because a nut job. Staying off Google has been smart, but also difficult. I like not feeling like I have to check the web...let's be honest, the damn baby forums...and get my information. I should be getting it from legit sites.
Changes I have made so far: (I did research this and besides the normal avoid booze and lunchmeat, I did follow other guidelines for certain chemicals)
I still am very paranoid. I wanna look up Tall woman maternity clothes because I'm 5'11", but I do feel like an idiot when I'm only 4 weeks.
I called my OB-GYN and you would've thought they never heard of IVF because I had to explain that I was pregnant according to a beta and I was with Shady Grove in Maryland. They were like well when was your last period? Shit, I don't know! I know every other damn date, but a real period? After birth control? I had to go back on Fertility Friend and figure it out because I was spotting forever. I guess it was March 5th.
Anyways, they were supposed to call me back, but didn't yet. I don't know if I blew their mind, but Shady Grove said I could go to my local OB-GYN for a 6 weeks ultrasound and I know that she does them because she did one for me the last time I was pregnant (even though that was after bilateral hip replacements).
I will go for my 3rd beta on Wednesday, April 9th. I hope it keeps going up.
This gives me the chills!!!
My 2nd beta on April 7th was 613. Although this number did not double, my nurse said it is increasing just fine. I was kinda worried, but now I am fine about this number.
It's weird once you get all involved with the specifics and numbers that you because a nut job. Staying off Google has been smart, but also difficult. I like not feeling like I have to check the web...let's be honest, the damn baby forums...and get my information. I should be getting it from legit sites.
Changes I have made so far: (I did research this and besides the normal avoid booze and lunchmeat, I did follow other guidelines for certain chemicals)
- Switching shampoo & conditioner to more natural and sulfate free. I chose Loreal Sulfate Free and Jason brand naturals
- Quit Blistex and buying the mini-Vaseline tubs..I'm a HUGE chapstick user and have tubes EVERYWHERE!
- Majorly increase my water intake...still feeling light headed but a significant amount less than last week
- Will probably go polish free. I read that Zoya brand sold at Ultra is great, but I don't wanna deal with acetone nail polish remover (Update: I don't wanna deal with acetone, so I'm gonna just go au natural!)
- Had to stop buying ham for making my lunch and switched to peanut butter & jelly sandwiches (It says you can boil or heat up the lunch meat, but shit, I might as well go old school and not worry about that crap)
- No aspartame---I think it makes my voice raspy, well at least the Crystal Light did
- No more wrinkle cream
- Bought Neutrogena Naturals face cleanser
- I will have to continue Estradiol & Progesterone suppositories for 6 more weeks, quitting around week 10.
I still am very paranoid. I wanna look up Tall woman maternity clothes because I'm 5'11", but I do feel like an idiot when I'm only 4 weeks.
I called my OB-GYN and you would've thought they never heard of IVF because I had to explain that I was pregnant according to a beta and I was with Shady Grove in Maryland. They were like well when was your last period? Shit, I don't know! I know every other damn date, but a real period? After birth control? I had to go back on Fertility Friend and figure it out because I was spotting forever. I guess it was March 5th.
Anyways, they were supposed to call me back, but didn't yet. I don't know if I blew their mind, but Shady Grove said I could go to my local OB-GYN for a 6 weeks ultrasound and I know that she does them because she did one for me the last time I was pregnant (even though that was after bilateral hip replacements).
I will go for my 3rd beta on Wednesday, April 9th. I hope it keeps going up.
Dealing with Anxiety after Infertility & Baby Loss
Well today was my first nervous breakdown of this pregnancy. I'm what 5 weeks today and technically have know that I am officially pregnant for 5 days.
Yeah, so on an hour long car ride, I just had too much time to think....
Thinking about...
Ugghhh. I fucking hate infertility and baby loss. You'd think that after 5 years of on and off trying, that it would sink in. You'd think that but this horrendous disease is such a mind fuck.
Why is it easier for some to make it to term? Why are we plagued with this uncertainty? Getting pregnant was half the battle and now a new phase of anxiety begins.
I was on Ativan before starting this IVF cycle and I quit it. I did feel better after my cry fest and of course, after I ate, but is this of what more is to come?
Probably.
I know to take one day at a time and to look for the positive. I know that some days are going to be better than others. You better believe I am sooooo thankful that this IVF cycle worked.
As I look at the toilet paper still when I wipe or as I scrutinize my growing, full breasts to see if they have 'shrunk', I'd hope there would be a point where I'm okay.
But then again, I do know loss personally and I do know of MANY friends that have suffered. Some have had chemicals, some have had first trimester loss, some with losses over 24 weeks, some lose one twin or both, and I know of one friend who had a devastating 39 week, 4 days loss.
Horrible. This anxiety is normal I do know, but will it ever go away?
Before Friday, I was also joking that my kid would be the one that was on the leash and not be allowed over friends' houses. I always said that I wouldn't let the kid out of my sight. I wouldn't dare spank him or ground him. I know all of these are things I say but not possibly do, but it just shows you the levels of insanity infertility and baby loss take you too.
Not to mention the near $30,000 spent on all treatments and meds and this IVF set of 6 cycles for $22,000.
And so another day closes and I look at my Baby Center app, hoping that this little sesame seed sized baby will grow to the watermelon sized one and I can finally hold my baby in my arms.
Then maybe I will exhale.
Yeah, so on an hour long car ride, I just had too much time to think....
Thinking about...
- What if my beta goes down or doesn't go up much?
- What if this is just a joke and I have a miscarriage?
- Can I handle another miscarriage? Um, nope
Ugghhh. I fucking hate infertility and baby loss. You'd think that after 5 years of on and off trying, that it would sink in. You'd think that but this horrendous disease is such a mind fuck.
Why is it easier for some to make it to term? Why are we plagued with this uncertainty? Getting pregnant was half the battle and now a new phase of anxiety begins.
I was on Ativan before starting this IVF cycle and I quit it. I did feel better after my cry fest and of course, after I ate, but is this of what more is to come?
Probably.
I know to take one day at a time and to look for the positive. I know that some days are going to be better than others. You better believe I am sooooo thankful that this IVF cycle worked.
As I look at the toilet paper still when I wipe or as I scrutinize my growing, full breasts to see if they have 'shrunk', I'd hope there would be a point where I'm okay.
But then again, I do know loss personally and I do know of MANY friends that have suffered. Some have had chemicals, some have had first trimester loss, some with losses over 24 weeks, some lose one twin or both, and I know of one friend who had a devastating 39 week, 4 days loss.
Horrible. This anxiety is normal I do know, but will it ever go away?
Before Friday, I was also joking that my kid would be the one that was on the leash and not be allowed over friends' houses. I always said that I wouldn't let the kid out of my sight. I wouldn't dare spank him or ground him. I know all of these are things I say but not possibly do, but it just shows you the levels of insanity infertility and baby loss take you too.
Not to mention the near $30,000 spent on all treatments and meds and this IVF set of 6 cycles for $22,000.
And so another day closes and I look at my Baby Center app, hoping that this little sesame seed sized baby will grow to the watermelon sized one and I can finally hold my baby in my arms.
Then maybe I will exhale.
3rd Beta at 5 weeks, 1 day
Today is April 9th. I had my third beta today. I don't know why it wasn't taken a full 72 hours between and but it might not even matter anyways. I went Friday, Monday, and Wednesday.
Anywho, it was 1092.
My nurse is out on vacation for a week, so I had called to make a 6 weeks appointment with them. My OB-GYN told me that she would be more comfortable with Shady Grove doing the first ultrasound to make sure everything is alright.
So instead of driving literally 30 seconds, I will be driving 4 hours to Maryland. Oh well!
So I made my appointment then the nurse said that my 1092 wasn't doubled, so my RE might want a repeat beta or early ultrasound. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
This is all it took to get me anxious. Fast forward an hour later, when another nurse called to give me the number and she said my RE said the number was fine. Whew! Why do we get all worked up before the doctor looks I then rescheduled my 6 weeks appointment from April 21st to April 14th, this Monday. They recommended that because the 21st, I will be 6 weeks, 6 days. So, the 14th, I will be 5 weeks, 6 days.
I cannot wait for this ultrasound. I wanna see the little egg sac!
One of my co-workers said she thinks I'm having a boy. She said that because I haven't had any nausea or vomiting. I have just been lightheaded and the shit ton of water I'm drinking has been a lot better.
Anywho, it was 1092.
My nurse is out on vacation for a week, so I had called to make a 6 weeks appointment with them. My OB-GYN told me that she would be more comfortable with Shady Grove doing the first ultrasound to make sure everything is alright.
So instead of driving literally 30 seconds, I will be driving 4 hours to Maryland. Oh well!
So I made my appointment then the nurse said that my 1092 wasn't doubled, so my RE might want a repeat beta or early ultrasound. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
This is all it took to get me anxious. Fast forward an hour later, when another nurse called to give me the number and she said my RE said the number was fine. Whew! Why do we get all worked up before the doctor looks I then rescheduled my 6 weeks appointment from April 21st to April 14th, this Monday. They recommended that because the 21st, I will be 6 weeks, 6 days. So, the 14th, I will be 5 weeks, 6 days.
I cannot wait for this ultrasound. I wanna see the little egg sac!
One of my co-workers said she thinks I'm having a boy. She said that because I haven't had any nausea or vomiting. I have just been lightheaded and the shit ton of water I'm drinking has been a lot better.
Products I've Bought
6 weeks ultrasound
Tomorrow, Monday, April 14th, will be my 6 weeks ultrasound. I will actually be 5 weeks, 6 days then. I know I will be seeing the egg sac.
In August 2012, we had a 6 weeks ultrasound done and that was our only picture of our baby then. I had my husband hide that and all the pregnancy pamphlets after the baby died.
In August 2012, we had a 6 weeks ultrasound done and that was our only picture of our baby then. I had my husband hide that and all the pregnancy pamphlets after the baby died.
Soo.........at the ultrasound today, my RE said things look normal! He said it was too early to see the placenta because I wanted to do that one Pinterest site where you can determine gender by the location of the placenta. Here's the link to that: Know the Gender Early!
Anywho, my RE did notice a SCB/SCH: subchorionic hematoma. I had never heard of this before and he told me it was nothing to worry about. He said it was bruising in the uterus from the placenta digging into the uterine wall. He said that when it does that it can find a blood vessel. It can cause spotting so I shouldn't be alarmed if I do. He also said that it can get reabsorbed into the wall or be expelled (causes spotting).
He said it was up to me if I'd like to get another ultrasound next week before my 8 weeks checkup on the 28th with my OB. I'm not sure if I have the days to take off for another ultrasound at my local RE. I am going to call them tomorrow and ask them if they can figure a time when I can come in. I hate when places have hours starting at 7:40 or only do ultrasounds until 10:00. Stupid.
He didn't say anything about bedrest or refraining from exercising or sex. Some of the websites online say that. HOWEVER as my friend Vicki would say: GOOGLE is the DEVIL! So....stay off it!
Yep!
Anywho, my RE did notice a SCB/SCH: subchorionic hematoma. I had never heard of this before and he told me it was nothing to worry about. He said it was bruising in the uterus from the placenta digging into the uterine wall. He said that when it does that it can find a blood vessel. It can cause spotting so I shouldn't be alarmed if I do. He also said that it can get reabsorbed into the wall or be expelled (causes spotting).
He said it was up to me if I'd like to get another ultrasound next week before my 8 weeks checkup on the 28th with my OB. I'm not sure if I have the days to take off for another ultrasound at my local RE. I am going to call them tomorrow and ask them if they can figure a time when I can come in. I hate when places have hours starting at 7:40 or only do ultrasounds until 10:00. Stupid.
He didn't say anything about bedrest or refraining from exercising or sex. Some of the websites online say that. HOWEVER as my friend Vicki would say: GOOGLE is the DEVIL! So....stay off it!
Yep!
7 weeks!
Looking forward to an ultrasound on Saturday, April 26th with my local RE. My OB's office called today to remind me of my appointment on Monday, April 28th. I asked the nurse if I would be getting an 8 weeks ultrasound and she said the OB probably wouldn't do one! Ummmm, she did one before when I was pregnant! Well, she is going to contact the doctor and double check. If anything, I will keep my appointment with my RE on Saturday to have it. I hope I can hear the hear the heartbeat. I just want to hear that at 8 weeks and break the pattern of the other miscarriage!
UPDATE!
Okay so today was pretty crazy from 3:30-3:55. I had both my nurse at Shady Grove and my OB's nurse call me today. My OB's nurse said that they want an ultrasound before Monday's appointment to make sure that the pregnancy is "viable".
Uggggghhh.
I know they have to use that word, but it's like a dagger. Now my anxiety set in. Shady Grove's voicemail was to tell me that my OB's office called and wanted another ultrasound and how I wasn't scheduled.
Well, shit! I was told that I got released and since they are 4 hours away, I can go local! So sue me when I do!
So anywho, my OB's office wants an ultrasound before Monday and don't want Saturday's ultrasound since that is too close to Monday.
So I scheduled an ultrasound for tonight at 5:30. My mom was able to go with me since she works by the hospital. My mom had never seen an ultrasound done because my sister lives far away.
My OB's office said I had to drink all this water on my drive home to the hospital. My drive is about 35 minutes. Like always, I drink too much.
I get there at 5:17 and then don't get called back until 5:40 and I'm about to EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!
The ultrasound tech that was doing it overheard me bitching and he said I could pee some. So luckily I could.
Now, with this ultrasound it was the SAME GUY I had last time I was told there was no heart beat. I told him that he was lucky to have lived last time I was there in 2012. hahah He did chuckle.
Well, he did the external ultrasound and I was able to pee again after.
For the internal ultrasound, he said that he couldn't see a fetal pole (heart beat). Fucccckkkkk.
I did not have time to Google, so I didn't know if that was normal or not normal. When you go through all this shit, you just jump to the worse conclusions because YOU'VE EXPERIENCED THEM!
Don't let someone tell you that you know too much! Ignorance is far worse.
I asked about the placenta and he couldn't see it. I asked for a photo and he said "Well, there's nothing to see".
Hmpfh! I think you better re-word what you said buddy!
Also, I asked him about the bruise and he said that we was only able to see a small "bleed" and it was nothing.
So I left there annoyed, anxious, and slightly down. He said if there was a fetal pole but it was not beating then that would be worse. He said that my OB will probably want another one next week and that my appointment on Monday will most likely be rescheduled.
Here are some pics. Now my husband wasn't there with me since he is working so he was able to go onto Google and say that it is too early to see a heart beat at 7 weeks. It is normal. Also, my bff Vicki said that as well.
So because of that, I feel better and less anxious.
I think I'm going to cancel my local RE's appt on Saturday. And cancel the appointment for the OB and make it for later on. I just hate how they want you to go their appointments but want other shit done quickly.
Oh well.
So here are the pics today. I took them while the guy stepped out to let me dress since I didn't get my own copy.
UPDATE!
Okay so today was pretty crazy from 3:30-3:55. I had both my nurse at Shady Grove and my OB's nurse call me today. My OB's nurse said that they want an ultrasound before Monday's appointment to make sure that the pregnancy is "viable".
Uggggghhh.
I know they have to use that word, but it's like a dagger. Now my anxiety set in. Shady Grove's voicemail was to tell me that my OB's office called and wanted another ultrasound and how I wasn't scheduled.
Well, shit! I was told that I got released and since they are 4 hours away, I can go local! So sue me when I do!
So anywho, my OB's office wants an ultrasound before Monday and don't want Saturday's ultrasound since that is too close to Monday.
So I scheduled an ultrasound for tonight at 5:30. My mom was able to go with me since she works by the hospital. My mom had never seen an ultrasound done because my sister lives far away.
My OB's office said I had to drink all this water on my drive home to the hospital. My drive is about 35 minutes. Like always, I drink too much.
I get there at 5:17 and then don't get called back until 5:40 and I'm about to EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!
The ultrasound tech that was doing it overheard me bitching and he said I could pee some. So luckily I could.
Now, with this ultrasound it was the SAME GUY I had last time I was told there was no heart beat. I told him that he was lucky to have lived last time I was there in 2012. hahah He did chuckle.
Well, he did the external ultrasound and I was able to pee again after.
For the internal ultrasound, he said that he couldn't see a fetal pole (heart beat). Fucccckkkkk.
I did not have time to Google, so I didn't know if that was normal or not normal. When you go through all this shit, you just jump to the worse conclusions because YOU'VE EXPERIENCED THEM!
Don't let someone tell you that you know too much! Ignorance is far worse.
I asked about the placenta and he couldn't see it. I asked for a photo and he said "Well, there's nothing to see".
Hmpfh! I think you better re-word what you said buddy!
Also, I asked him about the bruise and he said that we was only able to see a small "bleed" and it was nothing.
So I left there annoyed, anxious, and slightly down. He said if there was a fetal pole but it was not beating then that would be worse. He said that my OB will probably want another one next week and that my appointment on Monday will most likely be rescheduled.
Here are some pics. Now my husband wasn't there with me since he is working so he was able to go onto Google and say that it is too early to see a heart beat at 7 weeks. It is normal. Also, my bff Vicki said that as well.
So because of that, I feel better and less anxious.
I think I'm going to cancel my local RE's appt on Saturday. And cancel the appointment for the OB and make it for later on. I just hate how they want you to go their appointments but want other shit done quickly.
Oh well.
So here are the pics today. I took them while the guy stepped out to let me dress since I didn't get my own copy.
The BOMB to be dropped
I knew it was too good to be true.
I emailed my doctor after that ultrasound and he said it is unusual to not see a fetal pole at 7 weeks. He wanted me to come see him in Harrisburg. Grrrreat. He said it could be because of the hospital's equipment or even the fact that the techs are not specifically educated in early pregnancy as a fertility center would be.
So, I went there today and I was nervous as hell. I definitely prepared to hear the worse and I think after you experience it so often, you just get to that point faster than the positive point.
Let me start by saying before I went into the ultrasound room, I had to pee. Since the bathroom was out of order, I had to go down the hall. After I was done, another patient walked past me and said "It's a great day for us!".
To which I responded "Not for me it isn't!"
That's all it took to set me off: I was instantly crying. Her husband was standing outside the door waiting for her to come back and I had to walk past him to get to my room.
Hyperventilate.
That's all I could do...the tears wouldn't stop.
Then my RE came into the room and I told him I was fine until that woman said something to me. He was angered that anyone said something to me. I think at first he thought it was a nurse. But I explained it was a patient that was rude.
I tried to calm down as he put the wand inside, but I couldn't. He didn't say anything and that just made me hyperventilate more.
Then he said "I'm sorry Julie. There's no fetal pole."
I yelled, swore, and cried. All I kept saying "Why me?" "I knew this would happen!" "Fuck" "Jesus Christ" "I'm never going to get what I want!"
My RE and the nurse just stood there letting me have my hissy fit.
He said after I got dressed, we could talk about what is next. I quickly called my husband at work to tell him.
Cry--- Cry---- Cry--- Hyperventilate--- Hyperventilate
I took an Ativan and got in my car and drove 4 hours home. I screammed, cried, and became stoic the whole way.
So since this was my 2nd loss and due to cardiac issues, my RE is going to do a full work up of genetic testing. He said "Something is wrong" with us. We must have a chromosomal or genetic issue that is making these babies not develop properly.
We have recurrent pregnancy loss now. It is strange because I feel we are in a weird spot because it took us 2.5 years to get pregnant the first time, then lost to Turner's Syndrome at 8 weeks, 2 days. Then we take 1.5 years to get prego again and lose at 7 weeks, 2 days to no fetal pole.
He said that genetic testing needs to be done before we can move onto the frozen embryos. We can pay the $4,000 to get testing down on the 3 embryos we have. He said that he doesn't recommend that we automatically go that route, but the more I've thought about it, the more I think I want it. I want to know that the embryo going in is normal.
I emailed my doctor after that ultrasound and he said it is unusual to not see a fetal pole at 7 weeks. He wanted me to come see him in Harrisburg. Grrrreat. He said it could be because of the hospital's equipment or even the fact that the techs are not specifically educated in early pregnancy as a fertility center would be.
So, I went there today and I was nervous as hell. I definitely prepared to hear the worse and I think after you experience it so often, you just get to that point faster than the positive point.
Let me start by saying before I went into the ultrasound room, I had to pee. Since the bathroom was out of order, I had to go down the hall. After I was done, another patient walked past me and said "It's a great day for us!".
To which I responded "Not for me it isn't!"
That's all it took to set me off: I was instantly crying. Her husband was standing outside the door waiting for her to come back and I had to walk past him to get to my room.
Hyperventilate.
That's all I could do...the tears wouldn't stop.
Then my RE came into the room and I told him I was fine until that woman said something to me. He was angered that anyone said something to me. I think at first he thought it was a nurse. But I explained it was a patient that was rude.
I tried to calm down as he put the wand inside, but I couldn't. He didn't say anything and that just made me hyperventilate more.
Then he said "I'm sorry Julie. There's no fetal pole."
I yelled, swore, and cried. All I kept saying "Why me?" "I knew this would happen!" "Fuck" "Jesus Christ" "I'm never going to get what I want!"
My RE and the nurse just stood there letting me have my hissy fit.
He said after I got dressed, we could talk about what is next. I quickly called my husband at work to tell him.
Cry--- Cry---- Cry--- Hyperventilate--- Hyperventilate
I took an Ativan and got in my car and drove 4 hours home. I screammed, cried, and became stoic the whole way.
So since this was my 2nd loss and due to cardiac issues, my RE is going to do a full work up of genetic testing. He said "Something is wrong" with us. We must have a chromosomal or genetic issue that is making these babies not develop properly.
We have recurrent pregnancy loss now. It is strange because I feel we are in a weird spot because it took us 2.5 years to get pregnant the first time, then lost to Turner's Syndrome at 8 weeks, 2 days. Then we take 1.5 years to get prego again and lose at 7 weeks, 2 days to no fetal pole.
He said that genetic testing needs to be done before we can move onto the frozen embryos. We can pay the $4,000 to get testing down on the 3 embryos we have. He said that he doesn't recommend that we automatically go that route, but the more I've thought about it, the more I think I want it. I want to know that the embryo going in is normal.
The Plan
- I will have my D&C on Saturday, April 26th. They will do genetic testing on the baby to see the gender and the issue if there was one. Most likely he said it was chromosomal. It could be Turner's syndrome again, but I don't know.
- He will have the results of the D&C back in one week. Then I will go for repeat HCG blood tests to track that it is going down.
- As this is all happening, I will be bleeding or spotting from the D&C.
- Then I will get like a small break to only start a real period. My HCG has to be down to 0 for this to happen.
- I will start birth control next, then do the genetic testing on us.
- When the results come back, we will have a plan if testing is needed on the embryos to see which are normal or abnormal.
- Then another saline sonogram to see if I have polyps.
- If I have polyps, then have them surgically removed.
- If not, then I move onto Progesterone-in-Oil intra-muscular shots and Estrogen shots.
- Then decide if we want to transfer 1 or 2 embryos.
So I say this now, I'm leaning towards:
- Testing all the embryos and just chalking up the $4,000
- Transferring 2 babies instead of 1...something in me has changed where I'm back on the 2 baby kick. I just don't know mentally if I am thinking it makes my odds better even though it doesn't
D&C
My D&C was at 2:45, but we needed to get there at 1:15 for prep.
Since it is a 4 hour drive to Rockville, MD from our house, we got there pretty early around 12:15.
We went up there and just expected to be in the waiting room for awhile, but the nurse called us back for prep.
Prep wasn't bad: I liked actually laying down in the bed versus sitting in the car for 4 hours.
When the anesthetist came in to do the IV, he tried to grab the needle or something (I wasn't watching, but my husband was) and blood squirted out all over the blanket, gown, and cord.
I just looked down and saw all this blood. Uggggghhhhhh
He had to take a sample of my blood for the genetic testing that is going to be done on the fetus.
Well we just sat there for awhile and I noticed more and more of the laughing and carrying on outside the curtain of my room. You see we were put in room 2, that was right across from the OR and the nurse's station. I heard practically every story or comment. One nurse was talking about another one about making chicken alfredo. Another one was talking about someone being a single mom. Then there was all this laughter over stupid shit that I didn't even know about. All I do is wait behind my curtain.
Now I get that they are nurses and are trying to be normal, but to me this laughing was loud and excessive. One of the nurse's told me that there were egg retrievals today and I was only and last D&C.
Okay? Then have some respect and shut the fuck up or at least be quieter.
I got up to go to the bathroom and then I just felt a rush of anger when I heard more laughing. I was going to ask for some ear plugs at the nurse's station, but I didn't feel like it.
I just blew up.
I got back to my bed and starting saying "Boy everyone is just fucking happy here! I'd love to be fucking happy! Laughing and carrying on about chicken Alfredo! Jesus Christ!"
I started crying and then got to hyperventilating. I was fine earlier, it was the insensitivity of the staff outside my curtain that turned me. I started rocking back and forth and put my head under the sheet and plugged my ears. I just couldn't stand it. UPDATE: Upon talking to a friend who's experienced a nervous breakdown, I was told this was one. Something comes over you and you just can't understand how your body is reacting to the stress.
My anesthetist peeked his head into my area and said "Are you okay?"
"No!"
Then another nurse comes in to give me pamphlets on psychological services offered. At this point I am just stoic. I should've told her I go to therapy, take anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds. Why would I go to counseling in Maryland when I live in PA?
But I didn't cuz I couldn't. I couldn't move. I had this stoic face on me and just was numb.
My husband was pissed though. He said "Why did you bring us back so early? You know that she's sensitive! You're over there laughing and carrying on and we're just sitting back here listening?"
The nurse said "You weren't supposed to be here until 1:15, so you were early but we brought you back"
Then my husband says "We could've waited in the waiting room then. Or you guys couldn't not been laughing so much."
It didn't matter what time we came back there, the laughing was most of the time anyways.
The doctor doing the D&C came in and told me "I know you are ready to get this done and over with. I have one person ahead of you and then I'll come back and ask you if you need to empty your bladder, then you can go back. I will use the ultrasound machine to double check before and check after to make sure everything is gone."
I just sat there.
Finally, I was taken back a little while later and go into the usual position. Strap you legs into these long leg stirrups that are diffferent from the heel stirrups. Here's a pic.
Since it is a 4 hour drive to Rockville, MD from our house, we got there pretty early around 12:15.
We went up there and just expected to be in the waiting room for awhile, but the nurse called us back for prep.
Prep wasn't bad: I liked actually laying down in the bed versus sitting in the car for 4 hours.
When the anesthetist came in to do the IV, he tried to grab the needle or something (I wasn't watching, but my husband was) and blood squirted out all over the blanket, gown, and cord.
I just looked down and saw all this blood. Uggggghhhhhh
He had to take a sample of my blood for the genetic testing that is going to be done on the fetus.
Well we just sat there for awhile and I noticed more and more of the laughing and carrying on outside the curtain of my room. You see we were put in room 2, that was right across from the OR and the nurse's station. I heard practically every story or comment. One nurse was talking about another one about making chicken alfredo. Another one was talking about someone being a single mom. Then there was all this laughter over stupid shit that I didn't even know about. All I do is wait behind my curtain.
Now I get that they are nurses and are trying to be normal, but to me this laughing was loud and excessive. One of the nurse's told me that there were egg retrievals today and I was only and last D&C.
Okay? Then have some respect and shut the fuck up or at least be quieter.
I got up to go to the bathroom and then I just felt a rush of anger when I heard more laughing. I was going to ask for some ear plugs at the nurse's station, but I didn't feel like it.
I just blew up.
I got back to my bed and starting saying "Boy everyone is just fucking happy here! I'd love to be fucking happy! Laughing and carrying on about chicken Alfredo! Jesus Christ!"
I started crying and then got to hyperventilating. I was fine earlier, it was the insensitivity of the staff outside my curtain that turned me. I started rocking back and forth and put my head under the sheet and plugged my ears. I just couldn't stand it. UPDATE: Upon talking to a friend who's experienced a nervous breakdown, I was told this was one. Something comes over you and you just can't understand how your body is reacting to the stress.
My anesthetist peeked his head into my area and said "Are you okay?"
"No!"
Then another nurse comes in to give me pamphlets on psychological services offered. At this point I am just stoic. I should've told her I go to therapy, take anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds. Why would I go to counseling in Maryland when I live in PA?
But I didn't cuz I couldn't. I couldn't move. I had this stoic face on me and just was numb.
My husband was pissed though. He said "Why did you bring us back so early? You know that she's sensitive! You're over there laughing and carrying on and we're just sitting back here listening?"
The nurse said "You weren't supposed to be here until 1:15, so you were early but we brought you back"
Then my husband says "We could've waited in the waiting room then. Or you guys couldn't not been laughing so much."
It didn't matter what time we came back there, the laughing was most of the time anyways.
The doctor doing the D&C came in and told me "I know you are ready to get this done and over with. I have one person ahead of you and then I'll come back and ask you if you need to empty your bladder, then you can go back. I will use the ultrasound machine to double check before and check after to make sure everything is gone."
I just sat there.
Finally, I was taken back a little while later and go into the usual position. Strap you legs into these long leg stirrups that are diffferent from the heel stirrups. Here's a pic.
You lay back and they put the oxygen on you and then he gives you your last dose of anesthesia and you're out.
I woke up back in my little curtain room. My husband told me the doctor said everything went fine. We should have the results back in a week most likely on Monday, May 5th since my D&C was on a Saturday.
I will go for my first HCG next Saturday too, May 3rd.
Now last time I had my other D&C, I bled for 37 days. This nurse today told me that was abnormal. I shouldn't have bled that long.
So that's good news at least.
It's Sunday, April 27th and all I'm having is mild cramping and very, very little brown spotting. More like brown specks. I know this will pick up and I'll get more bleeding.
I woke up back in my little curtain room. My husband told me the doctor said everything went fine. We should have the results back in a week most likely on Monday, May 5th since my D&C was on a Saturday.
I will go for my first HCG next Saturday too, May 3rd.
Now last time I had my other D&C, I bled for 37 days. This nurse today told me that was abnormal. I shouldn't have bled that long.
So that's good news at least.
It's Sunday, April 27th and all I'm having is mild cramping and very, very little brown spotting. More like brown specks. I know this will pick up and I'll get more bleeding.
April 30th
So it's the end of April.
Today I talked to my nurse with Shady Grove about my experience at the surgery center and she suggested I write a letter to the nursing supervisor. So I did. I am going to send a copy to my RE as well.
My nurse said that sometimes health care professionals are guilty of forgetting the environment they are in and having casual conversations while others are extremely upset or grieving.
I just really hope no one else has to experience that like I did. Ugghhhhh add insult to injury.
Today I talked to my nurse with Shady Grove about my experience at the surgery center and she suggested I write a letter to the nursing supervisor. So I did. I am going to send a copy to my RE as well.
My nurse said that sometimes health care professionals are guilty of forgetting the environment they are in and having casual conversations while others are extremely upset or grieving.
I just really hope no one else has to experience that like I did. Ugghhhhh add insult to injury.