Starting over....again
So my beta was 2 on Tuesday, September 2nd. I am so happy to have it negative again.
From the natural miscarriage on August 11th, it was 22 days until my beta was negative. In April, it was 4 weeks until I got a negative beta. Then 2 weeks later my period began.
I hope my period is faster this time and comes soon. I kinda started some dark blood spotting today.
4th time's the charm?
I had a therapy session and although school has been really good so far, I found myself struggling with naivety.
I feel as though if I would've gotten those embryos tested, I wouldn't have had the 2 miscarriages. I know it wasn't recommended by our history, but I can't help but be regretting that decision.
My therapist said there was no way to beat myself up about it, so I guess I better just not worry about that.
Now I'm just waiting on my period to start.
I did the psycho thing and went back into my calendars and counted the days from last fresh cycle in April.
Here's what I came up with:
Period starts
Day 3 start birth control
Day 10 of birth control do a saline sono----which I can do locally instead of driving 4 hours! yay!
19 days on birth control
Then baseline ultrasound/bloodwork next day
Start stims 3 days later
Day 4 of stims is midcycle check
Day 8 go to Maryland for midcycle check
Day 9 midcycle check
Day 10 midcycle check & trigger
Day 12 retrieval
Biopsy embryos and send to IVIGEN in California for PGS
18 days after starting Delestrogen or PIO is the FET.
Selecting 1 normal embryo---I hope I can get 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Projected transfer on November 14
Now this is just my estimate, so it could be sooner, but boy does November 14 feel like forever from now!
From the natural miscarriage on August 11th, it was 22 days until my beta was negative. In April, it was 4 weeks until I got a negative beta. Then 2 weeks later my period began.
I hope my period is faster this time and comes soon. I kinda started some dark blood spotting today.
4th time's the charm?
I had a therapy session and although school has been really good so far, I found myself struggling with naivety.
I feel as though if I would've gotten those embryos tested, I wouldn't have had the 2 miscarriages. I know it wasn't recommended by our history, but I can't help but be regretting that decision.
My therapist said there was no way to beat myself up about it, so I guess I better just not worry about that.
Now I'm just waiting on my period to start.
I did the psycho thing and went back into my calendars and counted the days from last fresh cycle in April.
Here's what I came up with:
Period starts
Day 3 start birth control
Day 10 of birth control do a saline sono----which I can do locally instead of driving 4 hours! yay!
19 days on birth control
Then baseline ultrasound/bloodwork next day
Start stims 3 days later
Day 4 of stims is midcycle check
Day 8 go to Maryland for midcycle check
Day 9 midcycle check
Day 10 midcycle check & trigger
Day 12 retrieval
Biopsy embryos and send to IVIGEN in California for PGS
18 days after starting Delestrogen or PIO is the FET.
Selecting 1 normal embryo---I hope I can get 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Projected transfer on November 14
Now this is just my estimate, so it could be sooner, but boy does November 14 feel like forever from now!
Meds
My RE's nurse called me in birth control because I've been spotting and I think my period should be coming here soon.
Well, of course, the med ordering is never easy for me!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!
I get a call from Giant Eagle saying that my insurance won't pay unless I do the mail in. So I called CVS and had them transfer the script there. My insurance is through CVS, but the pills were cheaper at Giant Eagle last time.
Good news is that when I went to pick up the BC at CVS, the pharmacist said insurance would ONLY do 3 packs and not pay for one pack. Ummmm okay whatever.
But I got 3 packs for $10!! Yayyy!!
Don't know what I'm gonna do with those other 2 packs, but as we know in the fertility treatment world, you HOARD!!!
Talking with my BFF Vicki, she said something funny: she's like do you know how much money a drug dealer could make if he sold fertility meds? Seriously! Think of that! She's he could open up his jacket and have some Gonal-F and Follistim, PIO, and triggers in there!
Hahahaha I love it!
Infertility and baby loss really does turn us into hoarders! My most expensive med is Menopur and I know that I'm SOOOO LUCKY to get co-pays for everything else.
Well, of course, the med ordering is never easy for me!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!
I get a call from Giant Eagle saying that my insurance won't pay unless I do the mail in. So I called CVS and had them transfer the script there. My insurance is through CVS, but the pills were cheaper at Giant Eagle last time.
Good news is that when I went to pick up the BC at CVS, the pharmacist said insurance would ONLY do 3 packs and not pay for one pack. Ummmm okay whatever.
But I got 3 packs for $10!! Yayyy!!
Don't know what I'm gonna do with those other 2 packs, but as we know in the fertility treatment world, you HOARD!!!
Talking with my BFF Vicki, she said something funny: she's like do you know how much money a drug dealer could make if he sold fertility meds? Seriously! Think of that! She's he could open up his jacket and have some Gonal-F and Follistim, PIO, and triggers in there!
Hahahaha I love it!
Infertility and baby loss really does turn us into hoarders! My most expensive med is Menopur and I know that I'm SOOOO LUCKY to get co-pays for everything else.
Making friends from IVF
One of the most amazing and positive things I've found in the battle in infertility and baby loss is the instant connection you feel with another person. You are able to connect on a deeper level because although everyone's struggle is different, there is that unifying connection that we are in the battle together.
I've made some great friends since I've started blogging. They are my friends through Facebook, texting, emails, and phone calls. Although my therapist says to watch how often I talk about these subjects, I just can't talk to most people about them.
It's not that the people that I talk to don't care, it's the level of understanding that occurs. You cannot truly understand until you too have experienced it or had a really close friend/relative do the same.
My hair dresser gets it: her sister had recurrent pregnancy loss. Those allies in your life make it easier for you to open up to them and talk about the ups and downs because let's be honest: you don't have reasons to smile everyday.
The pain you feel is real and although it may seem you are beating a dead horse, you are talking about it and that's an excellent way to let the pain start to heal. You will never forget what you went through, but each time you talk about it, you are getting closer to healing.
I've made some great friends since I've started blogging. They are my friends through Facebook, texting, emails, and phone calls. Although my therapist says to watch how often I talk about these subjects, I just can't talk to most people about them.
It's not that the people that I talk to don't care, it's the level of understanding that occurs. You cannot truly understand until you too have experienced it or had a really close friend/relative do the same.
My hair dresser gets it: her sister had recurrent pregnancy loss. Those allies in your life make it easier for you to open up to them and talk about the ups and downs because let's be honest: you don't have reasons to smile everyday.
The pain you feel is real and although it may seem you are beating a dead horse, you are talking about it and that's an excellent way to let the pain start to heal. You will never forget what you went through, but each time you talk about it, you are getting closer to healing.
Spotting...and waiting...and spotting...
I'm still spotting dark and gross old blood. It's basically black...sorry for the TMI, but if you are also experiencing this, it's natural besides being gross!
Go figure! "I wanted to spend all my money on liners!"~said no one ever.
Today is September 18th and it has been 16 days since my beta was negative.
Overall, since the natural miscarriage started on August 11th, this is day 34 of spotting.
Ugghhhhhhhh
I can't remember what happened the first miscarriage since I didn't keep track, but in April, my period came 6 weeks after my D&C and was 2 weeks after my negative beta.
My negative beta was on September 2nd, so I was anticipating it coming on the 16....and it didn't.
So this natural miscarriage is already off the mark, but as you already know: once you've had a loss, you body can take forever to get regulated again.
It's like just when I see some bright red blood that's a little bit heavier then an hour later it's nothing but a teeny bit of black blood.
Go figure! "I wanted to spend all my money on liners!"~said no one ever.
Today is September 18th and it has been 16 days since my beta was negative.
Overall, since the natural miscarriage started on August 11th, this is day 34 of spotting.
Ugghhhhhhhh
I can't remember what happened the first miscarriage since I didn't keep track, but in April, my period came 6 weeks after my D&C and was 2 weeks after my negative beta.
My negative beta was on September 2nd, so I was anticipating it coming on the 16....and it didn't.
So this natural miscarriage is already off the mark, but as you already know: once you've had a loss, you body can take forever to get regulated again.
It's like just when I see some bright red blood that's a little bit heavier then an hour later it's nothing but a teeny bit of black blood.
Mood Adjustment Disorder
Yep...that's what I'm diagnosed with.
I had a talk with my therapist and was telling her how I don't have trouble sleeping or eating and I wondered if I truly was depressed. The Prozac helps, but when I got off it in April for the fresh cycle, I was fine adjusting.
She said that I'm not diagnosed with depression...it's mood adjustment disorder.
Now this sounded like something my dad would tell me I had in my teens! But when she explained it and I looked further into it, it is totally true.
Basically it is when you cannot cope with a major life stressors. You have feelings of hopelessness and crying, but once the situation is resolved, you can adapt.
This makes sense since I know that once I do conquer this infertility and baby loss and have a REAL, LIVE baby, I will get a million times better. I felt that way with my hips and finally getting bilateral hip replacements. I felt as though this huge problem was finally fixed.
I had a talk with my therapist and was telling her how I don't have trouble sleeping or eating and I wondered if I truly was depressed. The Prozac helps, but when I got off it in April for the fresh cycle, I was fine adjusting.
She said that I'm not diagnosed with depression...it's mood adjustment disorder.
Now this sounded like something my dad would tell me I had in my teens! But when she explained it and I looked further into it, it is totally true.
Basically it is when you cannot cope with a major life stressors. You have feelings of hopelessness and crying, but once the situation is resolved, you can adapt.
This makes sense since I know that once I do conquer this infertility and baby loss and have a REAL, LIVE baby, I will get a million times better. I felt that way with my hips and finally getting bilateral hip replacements. I felt as though this huge problem was finally fixed.
CD1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayyyy!!!!
I've been spotting, bleeding lightly, bleeding a lot, but not enough to represent my usual period. I'm just not sure what is going on!
I talked to my nurse on September 25th and when I said that I don't know what's going on she kinda got snippy.
I think because I've been bleeding so long that I couldn't distinguish between what was spotting and what was full flow. It was bright red, then nothing, then dark, then bright red, etc.
It has been 43 days total since I first started bleeding on August 10...one day before the miscarriage.
I went to my local RE this morning for an ultrasound and bloodwork. My nurse wanted them to do a "no period eval". The nurse wanted to see if my lining was thick or thin. If it was thin, that would indicate my period is starting.
The tech didn't see any remaining tissue.
I was relieved since I always assume something is going to go wrong!!!
My lining was 7 mm. She said that is thin, but depending on your period usual, it could or could not be your period beginning. Some women can go down to 3 mm.
HCG: 0.7
Estradiol: 66
Progesterone: 0.32
It has been 25 days since my beta dropped to negative.
Here's the rundown...sorry it's TMI, but I keep track of all of this since they always are asking!
8-11 6 weeks, 1 day
day 1
Bad bleeding & horrible cramping & clots...Mucus
Huge clots at 5:15-5:30
8-12 day 2
Light bleeding dark
8-13 day 3
Light bleeding dark
8-14 day 4
Light bleeding dark
8-15 day 5
Light bleeding dark
8-16 day 6
None
8-17 day 7
None
8-18 day 8
Ultrasound: showed no baby...just a clot where the baby was at
Light bleeding dark
HCG 172 👍👍👍
8-19 day 9
Light bleeding dark
8-20 day 10
Light bleeding dark
8-21 day 11
Red bleeding clots cramps---- 1 pad
Mucus
8-22 day 12
Red bleeding cramps---- 2 pads
8-23 day 13
Very little blood
8-24 day 14
Little blood no liner needed
8-25 day 15
HCG 22 👍👍👍👍👍
Little blood
8-26 day 16
Teeny amount
8-27 day 17
Teeny blood
8-28 day 18
No blood
8-29 day 19
No blood
8-30 day 20
No blood
8-31 day 21
No blood
9-1 day 22
No blood
9-2 day 23
HCG 2----awesome!!!!!🎉🎉
No blood
9-4 day 25
Teeny dark blood no liner
9-5 day 26
Dark blood teeny amount
9-6 day 27
Mucus & teeny dark blood
9-7 day 28
Diarrhea & mucus & teeny dark blood
9-8 Day 29
Thick mucus brown
9-9 Day 30...7 days after negative beta
Red spotting
Mucus
9-10 day 31
Black stringy blood again
Some red blood & mucus at 10 pm
9-11 day 32...10 days after neg beta
Some black stringy stuff
9-12 day 33
A lot of black stringy stuff
9-13 day 34
A lot of black stringy stuff
9-14 Day 35.....13 days after neg beta
Bright red blood like period...blood flow died off after an hour though
9-19 Day 36.....18 days after neg beta
Spotting bright red
9-22 Day 39...21 days after neg beta
More blood: a lot when I wipe
No spotting: light period bleed
Bright red
9-23 Day 40...22 days after negative beta
More blood than yesterday
Small clot at 8:00 am
Some in pad but not constant in pad all night long...switched to liner and had more in it after 4:00 pm
9-24 day 41
Bright red not a ton...just a liner
Clots
9-25 day 42
Liner, Bright red switched to new liner at 1:45
9-26 day 43...25 days from neg beta
Ultrasound & E2, HCG, and P4 bloodwork
Ultrasound was good: she didn't see any obvious tissue remaining...lining was a 7 which is thin and she thought I was bleeding pretty heavily when she took the wand out...she said it could be my period
Bleeding much more today. Period started: changed pad at 3:00.
If I didn't get period, my nurse said my RE wanted me to go on Provera for 7 days.
I talked to my nurse on September 25th and when I said that I don't know what's going on she kinda got snippy.
I think because I've been bleeding so long that I couldn't distinguish between what was spotting and what was full flow. It was bright red, then nothing, then dark, then bright red, etc.
It has been 43 days total since I first started bleeding on August 10...one day before the miscarriage.
I went to my local RE this morning for an ultrasound and bloodwork. My nurse wanted them to do a "no period eval". The nurse wanted to see if my lining was thick or thin. If it was thin, that would indicate my period is starting.
The tech didn't see any remaining tissue.
I was relieved since I always assume something is going to go wrong!!!
My lining was 7 mm. She said that is thin, but depending on your period usual, it could or could not be your period beginning. Some women can go down to 3 mm.
HCG: 0.7
Estradiol: 66
Progesterone: 0.32
It has been 25 days since my beta dropped to negative.
Here's the rundown...sorry it's TMI, but I keep track of all of this since they always are asking!
8-11 6 weeks, 1 day
day 1
Bad bleeding & horrible cramping & clots...Mucus
Huge clots at 5:15-5:30
8-12 day 2
Light bleeding dark
8-13 day 3
Light bleeding dark
8-14 day 4
Light bleeding dark
8-15 day 5
Light bleeding dark
8-16 day 6
None
8-17 day 7
None
8-18 day 8
Ultrasound: showed no baby...just a clot where the baby was at
Light bleeding dark
HCG 172 👍👍👍
8-19 day 9
Light bleeding dark
8-20 day 10
Light bleeding dark
8-21 day 11
Red bleeding clots cramps---- 1 pad
Mucus
8-22 day 12
Red bleeding cramps---- 2 pads
8-23 day 13
Very little blood
8-24 day 14
Little blood no liner needed
8-25 day 15
HCG 22 👍👍👍👍👍
Little blood
8-26 day 16
Teeny amount
8-27 day 17
Teeny blood
8-28 day 18
No blood
8-29 day 19
No blood
8-30 day 20
No blood
8-31 day 21
No blood
9-1 day 22
No blood
9-2 day 23
HCG 2----awesome!!!!!🎉🎉
No blood
9-4 day 25
Teeny dark blood no liner
9-5 day 26
Dark blood teeny amount
9-6 day 27
Mucus & teeny dark blood
9-7 day 28
Diarrhea & mucus & teeny dark blood
9-8 Day 29
Thick mucus brown
9-9 Day 30...7 days after negative beta
Red spotting
Mucus
9-10 day 31
Black stringy blood again
Some red blood & mucus at 10 pm
9-11 day 32...10 days after neg beta
Some black stringy stuff
9-12 day 33
A lot of black stringy stuff
9-13 day 34
A lot of black stringy stuff
9-14 Day 35.....13 days after neg beta
Bright red blood like period...blood flow died off after an hour though
9-19 Day 36.....18 days after neg beta
Spotting bright red
9-22 Day 39...21 days after neg beta
More blood: a lot when I wipe
No spotting: light period bleed
Bright red
9-23 Day 40...22 days after negative beta
More blood than yesterday
Small clot at 8:00 am
Some in pad but not constant in pad all night long...switched to liner and had more in it after 4:00 pm
9-24 day 41
Bright red not a ton...just a liner
Clots
9-25 day 42
Liner, Bright red switched to new liner at 1:45
9-26 day 43...25 days from neg beta
Ultrasound & E2, HCG, and P4 bloodwork
Ultrasound was good: she didn't see any obvious tissue remaining...lining was a 7 which is thin and she thought I was bleeding pretty heavily when she took the wand out...she said it could be my period
Bleeding much more today. Period started: changed pad at 3:00.
If I didn't get period, my nurse said my RE wanted me to go on Provera for 7 days.